What do you do when the family is in disagreement about the care of an elderly loved one?

I love this no stress Thanksgiving I did most of the cooking yesterday and have most things ready for when my son comes up I an looking forward with just us two sitting down to eat. I was able to reach the grand-daughter at college she was not able to come home with only having 4 days off and it is a nine hr, drive each way-she and her boyfriend have been invited to a friends house for Thanksgiving dinner but the college was going to have a real Thanksgiving meal for those who had to stay. My blessing is all of you who have been a part of my life for so long.

We had a good Thanksgiving in spite of the arguments my sister and mom are having. My nephew did most of the cooking, I made the sugar free deserts (both my sister and I are pre-diabetic) and my sister did some of the side dishes. I spent part of the day over at the nursing home with mom. I have a really busy weekend coming up and not sure how much I will be able to be over there this weekend. Maybe having my sister's two cats be the center of attention helped, animals seem to have a calming effect on mom.

To IMW124: I was remembering when my mother-in-law had to go to the nursing home while she recuperated from a broken hip. I started noticing that after a month, she started just giving up and getting into this funk. And even though she was only in there for 2 almost 3 months, she was in terrible shape mentally during that time. I finally told the people that I HAD to get her out, but only for a few hours at a time. Sometimes I think that when the person complains about wanting OUT of the 'home' as my MIL called it, what they mean is they need a change of scenery. I wanted to get her out of there, even temporarily, to give her a little taste of normalcy again. I took her for ice cream and just drove around. She had a wheelchair which was a big pain to figure out, so at first I just kept her in the car. Eventually I did learn how to manipulate the wheelchair, then I took her to a mall and pushed her around. Anyway, just a suggestion.
Nancy

Naheaton That was a great idea taking her out of the nursing home for an hour or two -if my husband had been nicer to me I would have done it the many times he was in rehab and if he had not died I probably would have taken him out for a while after he was placed. My son did take him out to a movie shortly before he died.

Sounds like a great idea, but it would take some cooperation on the part of other family members who are not interested in helping Grandma. I do not drive and cannot wheel her around very much with the carpal tunnel in my arms and hands, but I will think about your suggestion and see what I can do to get her out more often. Too bad winter is starting to set in here in North Dakota, it is really hard to get her out in the winter time. I will hope for a better winter this year, last year we had tons of snow and ice and then flooding in the spring.

I agree! Caregiving can show one's true colors. And yes, family members do "scatter" if not scamper away just to have an excuse. Finger pointing on who's right & who's wrong happens a lot too. I get fed up with my relatives that I seldom speak to them. It's hard to just internalize all my problems of being an only child, a single parent and the main family breadwinner all rolled into one. It leaves me empty and exhausted... I pray i will have sanity and be able to smile after all these 18 yrs of being a sandwich generation. I hope and pray it won't be long as 18 yrs is too much. I lost much of my vitality and sanity. I pray for God's decision on my predicament. He can only put a period/finality to my particular circumstance.

To mhnarfil, sounds like you have a good grasp of the situation. What an encouragement to read you are trusting God to help you. We all need to rely on him. I'm praying he grant you the desires of your heart!