Follow
Share

My fiancé and I came to stay with her father a few years ago after her mother passed away also we where having some problems of our own so her dad invited us to come stay with him so he wouldn't be alone and we could get back on our feet. Since we started staying here he has not asked us for any money for rent or bills we help out when we can with what ever bills are due and we also buy our own food and stuff my fiancé cleans the house and cooks and does his laundry and we take him where ever he needs or wants to go we never ask him for any money what so ever even if he offers it for gas to take him places we don't take it. Now her family members are say that we are taking advantage of him and want us to move out and with only one of us having a job and her taking care of her dad all day we don't have enough income coming in to really make it on own yet but her family says that where a drain on her father and that we need to get out well it's got to the point that one of her family members call adult protective services on us saying we are abusing him . Now when the APS lady came to the house and did her walk through of the house and seen that the house was clean and there was food in the fridge and talked to my fiancés dad and seen he had no bruises or any kind of physical abuse stuff done to him she left and told us we had nothing to worry about that she saw nothing wrong . Two weeks later she returned saying that she got a phone call from someone who was concerned that we where abusing him again she never said who called her but we know did and when we asked her what kind of abuse was it this time she got very irritated and became very rude and conasending towards us and said we where abusing her father by having to many dogs which we have 4 two are his and two are ours and that we cant live here if we aren't paying any bills . So my question is are we abusing her father. And what right do the APS have to tell us to get out. We don't mind paying a portion of the bills (oh and by the way the bills her father has to pay is Electric and direct t.v our water is well water not city and the house is payed for.) he told us when we first moved in to just save our money and get back on our feet. So by us living here are we abusing her father.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
One of your sentences is worded oddly and I I can;t figure out who told you you HAVE to leave,, the APS lady or the family member ( Sounds like you called the suspected reporter?).
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Another thought...contact the local area agency on aging and have them do a needs assessment for dad. ( having one of the naysayer relatives there during the assessment might be a bonus).

Let a professional say what dad needs. Have family compare the cost of making a caregiver contract with your wife and getting private care. They will discover that your wife is a bargain.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Thank you for the help on this yea my fiancé and I came to the same conclusion and think we should move out but she is worried about her dad cause he cant live on his own and cant drive and the family all live out of state or out of town there is a couple family members here but they made it clear they don't care about any of this mess but we will figure out something thanks for the help
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Judging from what you wrote I didn't hear about any abuse but the fact is that you and your fiancée are on someone's hit list and if you want any peace at all you should probably move out, remove yourself from the situation. Family squabbles, APS, elderly father....it's just all a recipe for disaster.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

FW, is taking care of dad a full time job for your wife? If that's the case, the joke is going to be on the rest of the family when she gets another job and you move out.

It is probably for the best that you find your own place. Is it possible that dad complains to family about being taken advantage of, while he sings another song with you? It would be the first time that has happened.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I get the feeling that it is time for you and your fiance to move out and start a life of your own. I don't know how old the father is or what type of help he needs, but I do get the feeling there is talking going on about the situation. It may be that he thought the situation would only have to be temporary help and it is going on longer than he imagined. I don't know what the situation is, but I would be moving out quickly as possible.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

It sounds like this was/is a mutually advantageous arrangement. No exploitation and no abuse.

If you did move out, who would do the father's laundry, cooking, and cleaning? Who would drive him places? Does he have any impairments? Bad memory, poor hearing, vision issues, mobility limitations, etc?

If you move out you can both have jobs, right? And be able to support yourselves? Do you ever plan to start a family? Even though you are doing nothing wrong, it really might be a good resolution for you to simply move out, and let the rest of the family figure out how to meet the old guy's needs.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Is father competent? Does he have dementia? Family members sometimes pull these stunts calling APS with requests for investigations. It happened to me, not physical abuse, it was for financial exploitation. APS was actually very helpful to me. They were able to determine that there was no explotation as I did not have access to mom's funds, though one of the twisted sisters did and she knew that I was not accessing mom's accounts. It took APS about six weeks to close the case without any charges against me.

Now is this person competent? If so, he is able to determine whether he wants you there or not. APS does not have power to make you leave unless dad has told them he does not want you there.

Does he have powers of attorney setup? If not he should do that and it shoyld be someone impartial in this situation. Families, often, get crazy and unreasonable in situations like this.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.