Falsely accused of elderly abuse.

When this happened to me...it was the neighbor. This neighbor had spent the last several years harassing my parents and doing everything thing she could think of to hopefully harm them.

She got the HOA to tear down my father's handicap ramp! No kidding...making false accusations! Every little thing she could think of...this she would do.

When I came to help them...I am sure she figured out that forcing me to leave them would mean she could finally get rid of my parents altogether..forcing them into nursing homes because no one could care for the at home.

She would call APS every week! APS came right up to the point of threatening me with arrest!

This was much much more than annoyance!

It took a lawyer to get involved with APS to finally end the harassment from them and the neighbor.

Neighbor finally got her way...I moved my parents and sold the house.

Yes, the person who makes the accusation is kept confidential by the agency. Often people have a pretty good idea of who would make the accusation. Or the accuser even brags about it.

Are you thinking of the person being investigated suing the accuser? For what? What damage or harm was done? Annoying, yes, but you can't take up court resources over being annoyed.

I'm also interested in this question/case. HOWEVER!.... Isn't it true that the people/person who reported the alleged abuse is CONFIDENTIAL and, therefore, how could you sue for ANYTHING if that's the case and you can't "face your accuser"? I'd be VERY interested to get an answer to that one! Thanks!

You asked if Rich "knows". That is the $62,000 question and the hardest thing o come to terms with. I'm not sure what he knows . . . About anything.
Also, you asked about how he had money in a facility. He was living in an independent living apartment at a senior community that also had assisted living and nursing home on the premises.

Rich has been disabled for 39 years. A motorcycle accident left him in a coma for 16 months. He had a severe brain injury, paralyzed right hand, his legs don't respond to the signals his brain is giving them so mobility was always a problem, he breaths through a trache and has a seizure disorder. Had a stroke at 52 and dementia since 54. He worked for a government agency for almost 20 years until he fell and broke his vertebrae. He gets a pension of $1069 a month. Through the Dept of disability and aging services he qualifies for a Medicare Waiver program who pays for a caregiver 31 hours a week. The state determines how many caregiver hours he is awarded. He is on Medicaid. I spent thousands of hours advocating on his behalf to get everything he qualified for. I begged, I yelled, I pleaded which is what it takes to get what he rightfully deserved. Health and Human Services can help somewhat but they are a pain to deal with. You just have to research, research, research. Since he is dirt poor he can get subsidies that others can't get and also because he is disabled. This is why I was so grateful for the assistance I got from APS. I had POA for ten years but his brother who lives 1500 miles away and hasn't seen him in 7 years talked him into reverting POA back to him. I saw Rich on a Tuesday and when I called him on Thursday his phone was disconnected. I went to his apartment and he was gone. Just up and moved 1500 miles away without a single word to the person who had dedicated ten years to give him a great life. They promptly put him in a nursing home where he will remain for the rest of his life. I know these people and they will rarely visit him. He can't contact me because he can't remember my number. Can't write because he can't remember his old address. I will never know where he is or how he is again. Having said that, I do not know who is paying for the nursing home. But having an income of $1069 a month I'm sure it's a rat hole.

texriner, how did you get financial aid because of the theft and how did that happen? how did he have money in a facility? hub's aunt and uncle we/well, I and she, not sure about him; does he even realize? have gotten their VA Aid & Attendance, at least his retro, so assuming has gotten started, but the one that got it has access to their bank account where it goes or at least the retro went into at least at the time a special fund set up for it but it immediately went back out to where we or at least she doesn't know but with the VA the veteran has full control so he may but if so, doesn't seem like telling and we really think doesn't know, he'll just do whatever he's told so if somebody told him to sign the paperwork he would have without having a clue what he was signing but she doesn't have a clue about any of this, as far as knowing this was going on, she does know what's going on in the broad sense, so it's like she wouldn't know if she did, if that makes sense; she was trying to have me help them get it, so she knew about it; there were just things/paperwork that she didn't remember, that she needed in order for me to be able to get it, things that also I'm not entirely sure she didn't remember since she remembered that after I found this out with her present the paperwork was taken away so not entirely sure that's not what was happening before, especially since I had also just found the paperwork that was needed in order to get it, just about the time that all this was done, since I found it because it had just come in, if only I hadn't failed to take back one piece after I'd brought them and copied them but it wouldn't have really mattered, probably, since they'd probably already been found before I did anyway, at least by the dates I'd been able to get, so...since paperwork was probably signed even if didn't know what was signing not sure would be considered theft, except there was an Attendant Affidavit signed as well, which specifies a certain number of hours, so how many hours did you have your caregiver hired for?

Being investigated by APS doesn't have to be a negative thing. While their main concern is to protect the person with dementia or other health issue once they become aware that you are being falsely accused they can help the caregiver in many ways. I took care of my partner, who had multiple disabilities and dementia, for nine years. He became very abusive to me after the dementia got worse. We moved him to an independent living center and I spent 6 hours a day 7 days a week with him. When he got even more combative I hired a caregiver from an agency but still spent many hours a week with him. The first caregiver stole all his money. All of it. His nurse didn't do anything for him including leaving him with no motorized wheelchair for four months- he had to crawl to the bathroom. I called my contact at APS and she got involved. Got his wheelchair fixed, financial aid due to caregiver's theft, got him meals on wheels etc. Then amazingly her focus shifted from what Rich needed to what she could do for me! She could tell I was on my last leg and she counseled me over and over again that I was the one that should let go. That I had done my best but needed to stop putting myself in a position to be abused, accused etc. I suggest you buy a hand held recorder and tape conversations between the two of you and other family members. Document EVERYTHING. Date all your notes. Save emails and texts. Make a binder of everything and keep it where no one else can get to it or make a back-up binder. Use every resource you can find in your community to get through this and come out with a life with no guilt or regrets. I didn't take care of my own health or needs for almost ten years and I paid a heavy price for doing a wonderful thing for someone else. But things don't always turn out the was we envisioned. There are no winners when dementia is part of the picture. Prayers for you.

I wish I could get hub's aunt to go but she says she can't leave his uncle

I am hoping you went to an attorney when your mom changed her POA and executorship. If you haven't, I would do so immediately and get advice. If you have, call your attorney.

I don't know if there is any retaliation; but I would make sure everything is legal; because once you MIL passes away. Your SIL probably will take you to court. So I would try to cover all your bases to show you didn't do anything wrong. Any documents drawn by an attorney should not be disputed since the attorney works for you mother not you. Document everything. I have heard about so many families taking each other to court and suing each other. Lies are told etc, your SIL sounds like a good candidate for that.

Last January I moved my mom in with me. She is 92 and has Alzheimer's. Before that, my mom was supporting my sister for years; sending her money, paying her bills etc. All that stopped when I started taking care of mom and my sister called APS and told them I was abusing my mother. I was investigated and it was pretty obvious I wasn't.

I knew my sister would be a problem, so one of the first things we did was went to an elder care attorney. The attorney works for the parent and follows their wishes. At that time, my mom's dementia wasn't that bad and he felt confident that the new POA and executorship was valid. Witnesses are present and everything has been notarized.

If you haven't been to attorney - get one ASAP.

I went through a similar situation with my grandmother who ran her mouth to her doctor about how she wasnt being fed and nobody was taking care of her. This was far from the truth because not only was she not missing meals she had clean clothes and her bills were getting paid. You would think seniors would have a filter on their mouths about what they say many of them don't and that's where so many issues will come up. Now my grandmother regrets what she had done because it's put stress on both me and my sister and we're getting fed up with the BS. Once APS has been involved they're not going to go away even if the accusation was a lie. They believe the senior more than the family member and a good majority of the social workers who investigate these cases have no idea how abusive the seniors were to their family members. This too falls into the bucket of lies old people will tell and they wonder why family members put them in nursing homes and leave them because it only takes a few words for stuff to spiral out of control and when the courts get involved even if the abuse allegation is untrue things won't be the same anymore. If your SIL was removed as POA something obviously is going on that YOU as the family member need to investigate. Not all POAs are good a lot of them are greedy and selfish and will do things without consulting with family members. They will lie and accuse others when they're doing something shady and its up to you to find out what they're doing. Some things to look for if a POA is not doing what they're supposed to do is checking the bank account and get an account of what money is coming in and what is going out if there's money that's not being accounted for make sure you have receipts and any paperwork supporting purchases that you made and wasnt properly reimbursed for. The last thing a shady POA will do is pay someone back for items they purchased for that elder's care and support. Also if your SIL can't account for her activities on the accounts in question such as has she paid the bills make sure you contact the bank for a record of any checks written and/or payments made to the account. A lot of POAs get caught spending that elder's money and then make it seem as if family does not help out. Don't get stuck having to pay rent or any bills if you've been helping out around the house that's how innocent family members get sucked into this mess when someone is irresponsible as a POA. I don't know the specs of your situation it sounds to me your SIL was removed off the accounts because someone got suspicious of her possibly doing something shady with your mother's money. Again gather all the account information and sit down with other members of the family to go through everything with a fine tooth comb and if SIL can't produce any documents to show what was done contact the bank, utility company etc and find out if the bills had been getting paid look for a history of late payments if that's happening that means something is going on.

I don't have any personal experience with this kind of thing either. However, all I can recommend is just stay low-key and tell the truth if you're interviewed

I have no personal experience with this but it has come up on the forum several times. APS is mandated to investigate when a complaint is made. They will carefully consider all information and proceed only if there is a case found against you. Living in a home without electricity and water will not look good, I hope you have solved that issue?