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My grandma makes approx. 45000$ a year and has 285000$ in in investments, etc. I agreed to take her in, when she was in the rehab from her stroke BC she lived 1.5 hours away and could obviously not be able to live alone. However, the dementia was not obvious BC she had nothing to remember or do for herself. I visited 3-4 times a week. Made her special meals and stayed for 4 he's each visit. The dementia has made my job turn from making meals and doing laundry to a much more complicated job! I've only going to have been married 2 years in April. (God bless my husband) . she doesn't like to admit that she will never walk again. Much less admit that she has onset dementia. Her therapist wants her to be able to stand next to the kitchen counter for 10 mins 3 times a day, she can only do 3 mins when ever she feels like it. She is currently paying me 1000$ a month and will cover her personal items such as fixadent diapers etc. She has a living will which all her assets will be split between my sister and I whom doesn't do a thing including call or write except when its a holiday and expects a check. She has agreed to helpy husband with a down payment on a home where she can live the rest if her years, I would hire in home help in order to keep her from a nursing home. We are currently renting and the idea of possibly having to move every year makes me sick.. 2-3 months I'd be packing and unpacking. My husband works. Son is in high school. She can't help h self let alone me! So that's why she's helping. She does remember this and speaks of it often. Always wants to know if I found "our" house. I have a phone conference w her financial advisor on Monday to discuss the penalties for taking out the money. ~25-30k. This would be the only thing and way I feel like I would get what I deserve for taking care if her over my sister. I'm still going to have to find out if I can keep her name on the mortgage and off the deed. Mt husband had been pretty recently divorced so it I s helping us to be able to use her estate to qualify. So with all that being said...... Is it wrong for me to tell her that I don't believe that 1000$ a month isnt enough since she's helping us get a house ? BC when I have to repeat things 50 times a day and get in fights w her helping her use the phone its always broken unless I dial or god forbid if her schedule changes for some reason it goes on alllllll day, I almost want to tell her to forget it! She doesn't realize how good it is and how much money I'm saving her! Is it unfair and selfish of me to think this way? I am with her 24 hrs a day 7 days a week. Except for 3 hours a week she gets a caregiver to take her to hair salon drs etc. And if it isn't unfair how do I tell her I deserve more to care for her? And yes I have a POA. Just cannot touch the trust.

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But thank you. I truly do have the best intentions. And if you knew her you'd know that she never ever does any thing she doesn't want to!
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I must admit I was rambling. My life has changed so much in the past few years. My objective is to keep her as happy as she can be until she dies. That's one part she has no dementia about. She enjoys seeing my son daily and in fact, my ex husband is coming ( for the second time) to bring my other son to spend the night w her at my home while my husband and I attend a friends birthday party in Tampa, 1.5 hrs away. ALL of us want whatever it is she wants And needs to be happy as long as all our lives permit it. So as it may have sounded like I'm trying to get "more" than my sister, I truly believe that it would help her sleep at night knowing she was "secure" and w family. Hopefully til she departs. I would prefer never to have to go to a nursing home again after what I went thru w my mother, MS,toe than half leg then full leg then both leg amputations until death. Maybe that is some of the source of her anxiousness to get a house. She was there thru it too. Without my grandfather and I was just 18.
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Just the fact you have taken the time to try and ask a question on this forum shows you care! I wanted to say, I also lost my mom at an early age.... I was 18....... she was 45 and left 6 children. We have learned to be survivors..... and expect others to be like us. I get the fact your sister doesnot care for your grandmother. I care for my mother in law her own daughter does not. Everything seems out of control for you........but trust me it will all fall into place. One way I've found to find caregivers is to check with rehab centers. The aides don't get paid that great and many have extra jobs or are looking for extra work. Also check out your office on aging as they can give you a wealth of information. hang in there
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We are renting. Had to get this place last minute and scrambled to do so. I do not know if I could stay any longer than my lease which ends beginning of November. Owner is not sure as of yet if her job will bring her back to the states. Her dementia, as I see it, is about details. She has not been diagnosed. She. From what I've read online she may suffer from vascular BC if her stroke. But I'm not sure if its that much different. But To BE CLEAR TO ANYONE WHO READS THIS- FROM WHAT SHE DOES FORGET AND IS AMNOYING- EVERY DAY EVERY SINGLE DAY, IN THE SHOWER THIS AM- SHE ASKED AGAIN- DID I HEAR FROM STEVE? (FINANCIAL ADVISOR) DID I FIND A HOUSE YET. And yes it is hard. I'm 36 yo. Newly wed. My sister is useless and doesn't care about either one of us. AND IF SHE EVER SAID NO TO ANYTHING I WOULD NEVER PUSH HER. YOU ARE BEATING UP ON THE WRONG SISTER.
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Please don't feel bad, Lil. You are doing a wonderful thing taking care of your grandmother. It is probably the hardest thing you will ever do. Others are trying to inform you by stating the facts. Taking care of an elderly relative is very complicated and there are many financial rules to follow. Don't give up on this forum. They have been very helpful to me with my 96 year old mother who has dementia and lives with me. Without them I would be doing everything wrong.
Hugs
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Please don't feel bad...... just wanting you to know part of the laws.......sometimes people with dementia are not competent to make decisions......You are doing a wonderful job for her..... just did not have all the info....... Not sure why you have to move every year... that alone is stressful...... But try and get help for her for a few hours/day to relieve your burden. We are all here to help from experience! Hugs to you!
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I understand how overwhelmed you are.. Everyone on this site is looking out for you, we stick together. Please get her to an Elder Law Atty. He will be able to advise you about these issues..

You could have him write up a care agreement which you can get paid.. Also he can advise you about other ways she can help you out like paying utilities... She may be able to buy the house herself without medicare penalty BUT the Attorney will give you the proper advise...

Keep checking back here many have dealt with these issues.. Just remember different laws in different states..
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My intentions are not in vain. I am not spending a dime of her money. She keeps her checkbook etc. I just keep track of it online to make sure that she won't overdraft due to her math errors, her hand writing suffered from the stroke. Everyone on here is making me feel so bad. About the financial advisor, I want to make sure its not going to be hurting her more than helping. If it was OK- and she will be on the call w him as well, at that point I would call her attorney. She doesn't want to change her will to leave me more but wants to do this as to not upset my sister. But if all of you are saying that I'm trying to take advantage you're wrong BC if that was the case its stupid BC I could just wait til she expires! She wants to stay at home and she doesn't want to move every year. And I certainly don't want to either. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to find a house w spare bedroom s big enough for her things(to make her feel like she's home rather than staying w us) and room for a walker or god forbid a wheel chair? Its not easy. I was expecting something different from this forum and these posts have made me feel even worse than I did. I am doing everything I can for her.
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You cannot touch her money for yourself....... especially if she has dementia. It is a crime against the elderly. You need to keep very good records on what you spend of her money. You can however find care for her to meet her needs. Costs vary from state to state. You cannot predict how long she will live and she may need her money for care if it requires going into a nursing home if it becomes too hard to care for her at home. Also, there are laws for medicaid where there is a 5 year look back and if her money was spent, she may not qualify for many months of nursing home care. Remember, a financial advisor is not a lawyer. You have a huge responsibility being a POA and one is to protect her assets.
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She cried all afternoon when she thought she was going to have to go to ALF BC her therapist, pt, Ot recommended it to keep her social. Bc she is new in our town. I have been a very good caregiver to her she doesn't want to go and would hate me if I made her. I don't know if it would be right to force her into it?
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Lils, it really sounds like your grandma needs professional care at this point in her life. You can certainly be involved, visit her, make sure that her needs are being properly tsken care of. But it doesn't sound to me like you have the wherewithal to care for her.
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My mother died of type one diabetes at age 41. Other child was still born. I am the only one who can do this for her.
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Where are her children?
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