The rehab facility is saying my Mom (86) is ready to go home, but she says she doesn't want to leave. Any advice?

I'd sit down and try to talk to her (as long as she is able to express herself) to see what reasons she has for not wanting to leave. Perhaps she feels alone in her own house and loves the fact that people at the rehab seem to care. If you think about it, she has constant people coming in and checking on her, caring for her and making her life generally easy. I know my grandma when she came home had a change too. I mean we are with her, we live with her but it was a change. Our change was that she went from time alone in between people checking on her, to us around her constantly. Your mother's care will go from people checking on her to probably being alone a lot. At the rehab people feed her, help her dress, do her laundry, do her dishes, which is very different than in a home by herself where she has to walk around doing all those things. Even if she is 'well enough' to leave rehab (which in opinion doctors never seem to have a good handle on when people are well enough to go home. My mom was sent home after her cancer surgery waaay sooner than she should have been where she was sent a few weeks later it would have been a much easier healing process and the same with my grandma. They claimed she was meeting all her needs but let me tell you. The first week with her had us ready to send her back where if they would have just had her kept there another week or so, we would have had a much easier transition). Perhaps this is her way of letting you know she doesn't like being alone anymore.

After my loved one was in an Assisted Living facility for awhile, she would make comments about how she liked the staff, that they treated her well, that it was a nice place to live, etc. She thought she was there for rehab. She eventually forgot why she was there. Even with her ailment, she realized she was being cared for. She stopped contending that she could live alone with the help of friends and neighbors.

Maybe your mom really appreciates the care she's been getting. Also, I saw a guy who is on a reality tv show recently. He had spine surgery and was getting ready to be released from the hospital. He said he knew he was ready to go home because he was not afraid of hurting himself if he left. So, perhaps your mom is afraid she will hurt her spine if she leaves. Maybe the professionals know how to handle her and she's not sure her family members do, I'm just speculating.

You say she won't be alone, but you say she has her own house. Ah, this tells me she does not feel safe there, but quite safe where she is. She prefers consistent professional care over family care. So I would let her stay there if they have a long term wing. Most places do.

Delius, consider yourself lucky that your Mom prefers the environment of a facility instead of wanting to live in her own home. There is a point in one's life where maintaining one's own home becomes overwhelming, even with family being around.

Could be she loves the independence of being around others of her own age group.... where she doesn't have to cook and clean... it like a woman finally being *retired* from those very boring chores :P

I bet the reason she's not interacting with the other rehab residents is because they come and go quickly from the facility either to retirement villages or back to their own homes. I bet if she was permanently set up in a retirement home, he will make new friends. Sounds like she is one smart lady.

Like Jeanne, I wonder if she can say why she doesn't want to leave? I realise, though, that getting a simple answer to even this apparently simple question may not be… simple. Apart from her spinal injury, does your mother have any other physical or mental difficulties?

What does she say when you ask her why?

Would moving her into a care facility make sense?

If she wants to stay in a long care facility, why not see if that is possible?
Does she have the resources?
Would she need NH or assisted living? What's the downside to her staying in a long care facility if that is her wish?

Good answer, but she does not participate in ANY activities except for Physical therapy. She takes all of her meals in her room. She does not talk to the other residents. The only time she leaves the rehab wing is when we take her out to eat or to the doctor. She refuses to go to her house with us or anyone's for that matter. She won't even let me take her home to cook for her.

Maybe it's the extra activity and company that she enjoys. Is it possible that she is hinting that she would be happier in assisted living? Family is great, but nothing beats getting out among friends your own age.