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Mother had a severe fall resulting in some brain damage. She is 87 so she also has some dementia. She was VERY weak due to the fall, she was sent home on Hospice but woke up! She is now in a Nursing Home getting therapy to gain strength etc.. She is still in a wheek chair and I have a sister who wants to take her out for dinner, nail appts etc... This sister does not live close to Mother nor does she know how/what is required to care for her. I as the POA stated on admission no one is to take her out on pass. I my self do take her out but I have also cared for her for years. I was out of town and Nursing home called me 3 times asking if sister could take her out, all 3 times I said no and they alllowed it anyway.The severe fall came from the same sister not assisting her out of the car which resulted in Mother falling and hitting her head on the concrete driveway. That in itself should show she doesnt know how to care for Mother. At 87 y/o she can not take the things she used to but sister doesnt understand.
Do I have any recourse against Facitily for allowing this or sister for doing so knowing those were the rules. It is getting to the point I am nearly will ing to turn POA over to sister and be done with fighting EVERYONE it seems. All I wanted was for Mother to be a little more proficient on walker before anyone else could take her out. Therapy still says she can only walk with them as she is still very unstable on her feet. Therapy even allowed her to fall 2 weeks ago with 2 therapis and a gatebelt on.... I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO !!!

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It sounds like you might be a little possessive of your mother. While your sister might not know exactly how to handle your mom, this is her mother as much as she is yours and your sister can be trained to help her out of her chair into a car and back into the chair from the car. Maybe you should turn the power of attorney over to your sister so the fighting can stop. If everyone, as you mentioned, want you to then perhaps there is a reason for this. Older people can have accidents. No one likes or wants this. You said that even the physical therapists had let your mother fall- why don't you think they are as incompetent as your sister? How about the original fall? You said you had cared for her for years- that means the original fall was not prevented by you. See what I mean? Have some compassion for your sister who wants to spend time with her own mother. Perhaps the two of you could take her out some places together.
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Yes, they have to follow your requests in that situation. I would get a lawyer to write them a friendly letter reminding them of your request and the outcome of them NOT listening. It needs to be friendly and professional, but with an understanding that this behavior WILL NOT be tolerated...

The state can be contacted, she could be removed (by you) to another facility and civil actions taken against them! I would document EVERYTHING!!!!! They are setting themselves up for a law suit!! Especially when they called (Showing they knew full well what your wishes were, and received a NO! and chose to do it anyway!) Oh boy! I worked for years in a nursing home as a nurse! I would be out of a job had a done that! And may have lost my nursing licence!! HUGE liability there. I would want to check the documentation in the charts on that one! Bet there was some serious "chart dancing" going on... try to explain that one away in a formal/legal document!
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The nursing home should have an ombudsman, you should be able to find the contact information posted in the facility and each facility has a listed 'contact person' for the ombudsman. It may be a good idea to contact the ombudsman and request they meet with you on this. They serve as the bridge between patient and facility.
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Yes, file a complaint against the facility for allowing this. I have a situation like this with my mother, but the NH has never let my step-dad take her out for a ride in the car (his attempt to take her home.) After being called on the phone a few times about this, I went to the nursing home and wrote down what I did not want them to do and had it put on file. After a few attempts by my step-dad, I've not had anymore phone calls from the NH. You might also want to find another NH.
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