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She is mobile, active, social, and STUBBORN. She insists on staying in her house, where she lives alone (with the support of attentive neighbors).

Any suggestion of changing her living arrangements -- even putting in elder-friendly grips in the bathroom, etc. -- raises her ire. She refuses to consider making ANY changes, or moving; she becomes very angry and will not even discuss possibilities or plans.

I live and work 500+ miles away; my older sister, who shares mother's denial about the circumstances, lives and works 5,000+ miles away. Mother refuses to relocate nearer to either of us -- although, since she has narcissistic tendencies, her refusal is a mixed blessing.

As many of you know, it is not easy to be on perpetual call for the emergencies both big and small that happen when old folks live alone far away.

It's pretty clear that I will be on my own developing any plans for her. All suggestions will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

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My mom lives in an ALF and there is one resident who is totally blind, and others who are significantly visually impaired. They have a device that greatly enlarges printed material so that the visually impaired people can read their own mail and paperwork. If there is an Area Agency on Aging office in your mom's town, contact them. They usually keep lists of facilities and what services are offered in each facility.
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Thank you all so much for your helpful answers. I am motoring up to visit (check on) my mother weekend after next, and will let you know what progress takes place.

This site is a blessing. Every one of you is a blessing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your supportive comments.
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Does your mom call you in emergencies? If she does, I would suggest a tough love approach ( if you've already had the..I can't do this anymore if you don't play ball with me...conversation). If we're far away (and my brothers and I were only an hour away) it was still much to far gor a real emergency. Does someone have POA? what is going to happen if she is even temporarily incapacitated? Does she really rather the state make these decisions and not her children? Has she been evaluated for dementia?
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Are there any continuing care communities in the geographic areas you may consider? The apartments for independent living have all the safety precautions you might think about. And (at least with the ones I am familiar with) there is additional help available as your Mom ages. Lot's of social activities etc.
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Mom is blind in one eye, deaf in one ear, has mobility and memory problems but does fine in ALF because social contact is important to her. Take Mom on tours and tell her either she decides which one, or you will.
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It might be best to be looking into a skilled nursing facility in your area in case something unexpected happens to your mother, especially with the vision problems. I don't think assisted living facilities would take someone with that problem as she most likely will become legally blind requiring care. I realize she refuses to relocate, but if something should happen to her physically; she will have to do what makes most sense for you and what is manageable for you. And it doesn't sound like your sister is going to be involved as she is in denial.

At least you are being proactive and can investigate facilities ahead of time; and you can find out which are the best after touring them and how long the waiting lists are for future reference. You could also contact Elder Services and inquire what they would recommend as well. Good luck to you - hugs and take care.
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