Facilitating care for a friend.

You’re a good friend, Barb.

I don’t have any advice for you, but just want to send a note of appreciation.

Everyone should have a friend like you! 😀

JoAnn, her daughter doesn't have POA. Friend is working herself around to making our NP friend Health POA.

Today at synagogue, I talked with a couple (retired doc and retired nurse) and THEY are very worried about her. She will see her GI doc on Wednesday and we will make a plan from there.

All you can do is wait till she has an episode where she becomes unconscious and then call 911. Just don't enmeshed yourself too much. She has a daughter, even if estranged, thatvcan make decisions for her.

I usually walk with my friend. Today, we sat in the park. She told me how she hung up on a mutual friend who was trying to tell her about someone who had pneumonia which morphed into something more serious (mutual friend is a geneticist; she's just gotten out of the cardiac ICU at NYU).

We are all trying help this woman see that the fact that she has two of these total fatigue episodes in 6 months might be indicative of something more systemic (like leukemia). But she is simply not listening/taking it in. Very sad

Thank you all for listening!

It such a shame that people are so stubborn and won't do what is best for themselves. My husband dreads having to go a NH. I have promised him nothing. He is 5ft 10 and 200# to my 5ft ? (I tell no one my weight). There is no way I will be able to lift him. I do pray that He goes before me. Only because he is a shy man who is almost deaf. He also had a traumatic experience when about 5 in the hospital. Back then parents weren't allowed to stay overnight. And with 2 other brothers all close in age, Mom could not really stay all day. Dad worked. I have told him I will do the best I can. But I will not promise. Because like my Mom said...when they are old, you are too. TG our daughter is a nurse.

Yes, Geaton, checking in every day.

Interesting note, I saw one of her favorite pianists at Carnegie Hall this week and she told me about how this woman's career had been sidelined for a couple of years due to illness. I googled her and found at that she'd had complications from pneumonia (!).

Friend replied "yikes".

Maybe it'll be the wakeup call she needs.

If your friend isn't really accepting any advice (from a retired RN!) and doesn't see the benefit in having an advocate, then there really isn't much that can be done. If she has all her faculties, you can't want it more than she does. The most you can do is call her every day to see how she's doing and then based upon that conversation, tell her what you'd be doing if it were you. Maybe you're already doing this... bless you for trying to help her.

A bit of an update. Friend finished her antibiotics a week ago, still weak, wobbly, no stamina. Has a sort of pain/pressure in her "stomach" but when queried, says under her ribs in the center. Like the chest.

By contrast, another friend, several years older who just did two rounds of antibiotics for pneumonia and is up and coming to exercise class, it going for a chest CT to make sure her pneumonia has cleared.

When asked if she thinks she should do some follow up she says "oh, I don't think I need more antibiotics".

There are some things you can't fix.

Barb, I am so curious about what decisions you have come to in regards to your friend.
It really is quite the dilemma. I just don't want it being YOUR dilemma, especially if this is not a close friend.

I see your problem is she won't go to the ER. My Mom was sensitive to Penicillin. Antibiotic had Penicillin in it. She did a 180. Not a nurse but I would think after 3 days she would have some improvement. She may need it by IV. You need to tell her at her age Pneumonia can kill. If she starts talking weird its the Pneumonia. I agree, she needs call an ambulance.

Barb,

Hoping things will improve soon for your friend. I think that you took a step in the right direction by switching doctors. It’s so important to be comfortable with a doctor’s care.

If she goes by ambulance she won't have to wait in the ER. Now is the cost worth not waiting? That's up to her to decide. Is she sick enough to justify taking an ambulance? I think she might be since she has not been able to get up and out for a little over 2 weeks. She's now on antibiotics for 3 days - is she getting better, staying the same or worse? If she feels she is getting worse then call 911 to request an ambulance.

Yes, she is tech phobic. My DH usually gets her out of these problems, but he is sidelined right now doe to his own health issues.

I have had a LOT of experience recently with getting emergency appointments with docs. Maybe it's because my mom was a medical secretary; I called NYU and they told me there was a 5 month wait to see a urologist. I called back, got the screener/secretary and told her that my DH, with a HX of kidney stones was peeing blood. He was seen the next day.

Thanks for the realty check. I told her to go to the ER last week. She is worried she'd have to wait. OY!!

Most doctors’ offices today are booked up 10 months ahead or even longer. I have this problem also. It’s even worse when a specialist is involved. I guess there’s a shortage of doctors. If the appointment time is months ahead, your friend should call her doctor’s office every now and then to check to see if they have any cancellations so she can come in sooner.

Your friend is getting locked out of the patient portal because she is doing something wrong. She needs to call the front desk at her doctor’s office and let them help her get into the portal.

Instead of your friend going to urgent care and not getting the proper diagnosis, she should go to the ER next time she needs urgent care.

Obviously new doctor.
But if she is on antibiotics for 3 days only that means for 15 days she was in denial or neglecting her health.
She needs to take some responsibility, assuming she was unable to get up on day one or two, calling 911 would be prudent.

My first step, if I knew the daughter, would be to call her about this; you know them BOTH better than us. I would not mention ANY of the other health care issues; only this one. I would ask her if she knows Mom is down ill (don't share dx in case she hasn't) and would she want to visit, or know any close friend who might be able to do so.

My second step, if daughter says "Honestly Barb, this is on Mom. She has the same 911 number I do. If she feels she should go into emergency room then she should call EMS." Then I would call this friend and suggest she call EMS and go to the ER. Or let you check on how she feels daily. Ask her if she is eating and has ordered herself in some food.

I worry if she has no other friends closer than you are to tell she needs help, that at 77 she may be in a situations she cannot stay in? You know her better than us.

I would be very frightened, to tell the truth, to "step in here".
Today getting groceries in is as simple as going online, and if she needs more, I would not step into that Barb. I would suggest she calls EMS.
You honestly have enough on your plate.

I think I trust you. If you are comfortable intervening this one time, then do it. But if you believe you are likely setting yourself up for future trouble I think you know that as well, and I wouldn't do that.

Time for a new Primary Doctor. Once I gave up on VA Medical and got a CIVILIAN PCP, everything changed in one year.
A 77 year old with pneumonia should have been admitted to the hospital.

Definitely time for a new Primary, appointments made and records sent. She only needs 4 key documents for EOL. They are clearly made on Suze Orman's website.

Would it help to call an ambulance? Here, if you do that, the patient is seen in the ER immediately.

Lea, I TRIED to get her to the ER last week...

Yes, new doc.

Thanks so much for confirming.

Get her to the ER stat.
And...
Get her a new doctor.