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My mother in law is incontinent and CHF. As she is on diuretics we try to keep her on a two hour bladder schedule to prevent leakage. She wears depends. Every time I try to remind her it has been two hours, she insists that she doesn't have to go! It is very frustrating as she does not argue with her health aid or anyone else, just me. I am her caretaker. Is this a control thing?

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Moms girl all we can do is try. but I will say that my MIL does respond better to professionals , because in her mind we are merely children and a bunch of air-headed ninnies. LOL
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Does MIL have dementia? If she seriously can't remember why she needs to go into the bathroom now, I'd suspect that is the case. Then no amount of reasoning with her is going to change anything.

The health aid is there to do these kinds of things. She is an authority figure of sorts. MIL accepts this is the nature of things. Friends and daughter-in-laws, however, are not usually involved in our toileting. It seems unnatural and she objects. Perhaps you can defer to the authority of the aid. "It is time to check off a bathroom visit on AmyAid's schedule." You are just the innocent messenger carrying out the aid's orders.
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I did the same thing with mom. And she reacted the same way. She's almost bed ridden now and completely incontinent. I always heard, "No, I don't have to go." So I'd say, "Mom, if you don't pee, you can slap me silly." She'd laugh. And I'd take her. (She had to walk with a walker, gait belt and me.)
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Don't explain and argue, just say to her "go to bathroom".... Can she read, give her a little NOTE. Is she incontinent how often (sometime 2 hrs schedule is too often?), or she is acting like a little children. When we start potty train they couldn't do pee but nobody looking at them, here come pee in toilet( potty chair).... and then we praise and reward them. Some adults are same strategy as kids do works well.
Where she spend most of the day in Living Room or her Bedroom? Set up commode chair near by her, if she has a mobility issues she may not go toilet often ether...I don't know what to tell you about you and health aid... could be "Showtime"! My client 91 is opp-set, she like to go to bathroom OFTEN, but no UTI, she is also taking water pill and trip to BR 7 to 10 times a day(24 hrs) plus she like to drinks lot of water. It is gravity issues for her.
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I would leave this strictly to the aide. This is why incontience is best handled in a facility, because dementia patients react better to professionals, rather than their relatives.
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It is definitely a control thing, just like toilet training a toddler. She will sit there and not have to go, but god forbid you are stuck at the border crossing or standing in line at a long checkout. AAARRRGGGHHH!
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