I go my mother-in-law's home 6 days a week, 10 hours a day. Her entire right leg was amputated, shes a cardiac patient, and is now incontinent. She is on no less than 12 meds a day. She has come back from a nursing home and needs 24/7 care. Shes only 52. I have been with her the past month now. Nurses and therapists come all week. They tell her and I what she SHOULD be doing, but when they leave she refuses to do the things that will help her. I have a very bad back and hip. Moving, lifting, and changing her diapers are killing me. Her fiancee works 6 days a week, leaving me with Sunday off. I have that one day to try to catch up with what did not get done in my house all week. I am the mother of two, and I never see my children. She will not allow anyone other than her fiancee and I to change her diapers. I am becoming resentful of my husband. I do not know how to explain to him that I simply cannot do this on my own anymore. I am spent physically, mentally, emotionally. I cry in the bathroom. Sometimes I wish something bad would happen to me so I couldn't take care of her anymore. I feel like I am dying inside. I do not see friends or family. I cannot leave the room she is in for long because she actively tries to get out of the bed on her own when I do. My children are suffering, I am suffering, my marriage is suffering, my house is suffering. I just cannot do it anymore. I want to pack myself and my kids up and just disappear. I cry as I write this. my husband and her fiancee will not put her in a home, and no one has offered to help me. Even if someone were to offer, she will not let anyone else change her. I cannot sleep because of my back pain, and when I do I have dreams that I wake up in bed next to my dead Mother-in-law. I am losing my mind.
You never know he may end up respecting you more for it. Good luck
If you are having a hard time getting started, print out this thread, and ask him to read it before you have a conversation.
You need to stop this insanity before it literally kills you.
You simply walk away. I'm not saying walk away from your life, such as it is, but you walk away from your MIL. A decent person might want to give these boys a week's notice to figure something else out. Or not.
You're done. I felt your pain in what you wrote and I almost cried for you. If someone isn't holding a gun to your head then you can walk away. This woman needs to be in a nursing home. Maybe when you tell your husband and this fiancée that you can't do it anymore they'll be forced to see the reality. Why should they entertain the notion of a nursing home when they have you to do it all for free, all day, everyday?
I'm outraged for you. You've been damaged and you need to save your life. I hope you do it.
How I hate it when choosing a caregiver the finger is always pointed at the woman. People think women naturally knows what to do. Children didn't come with a *how to* book, never do elderly parents.
Come on, men, your hands aren't painted on, and you have a brain good enough for work, you should be able to figure out how to care for someone else. Learn like the rest of us have done, even professional male caregivers had to learn.
I think you are ready for a road trip, I know I am, and we can pick up a few others on the way :0 Might even make room for the "Captain" [another writer on these blogs], he's one male who knows how to be a good caregiver.
It's time for your husband and your mother-in-law's fiance to come up with another solution to THEIR problem . Tell them that you are no longer the answer. I totally agree with what Pam suggested above. I just would add, that you can get that phone number to call for help, but you should hand it to your husband. HE is the one who should make those calls. As for you: No more diapers, no more lifting. Not only do your children deserve a mother, you deserve a life.
Right now, your FIRST priority is you (put the air mask on in the airplane before you run out of breath and canNOT help anyone else) and your children. They ARE suffering as a result of this, and it's your JOB, your duty, your responsibility to put them ahead of everything else.
If the guys in her life refuse to wake up and pay attention, take Pam's advice. It's literally not your job to make it happen. You're not their slave, even if they're treating you as such.
And, here's the harsh part: if you continue as you are, with the knowledge that there are other options, YOU will take the brunt of it, and that's on you. And, you'll get to watch you and your family fall apart. Take a stand, and don't budge from it.