How to explain a death in the family or having to put down a pet?

WOW I would ask the vet for some advice on this. If he can gently explain to her that the dog is suffering, she may allow it to happen. I have taken pets in for the elderly. I spend time with them reminiscing about their life together, make sure they say their good byes and let grandma keep the collar as a memento. I cry right along with them, can't help it. Some vets will send the owner a paw print disc with the pet's name on it.

First, take Ellie to the vet. There are pills to control incontinence in a dog just like humans, doggie diapers. Plus remove any carpeting. If you euthanize the dog, your grandmother will not only notice, she will suffer from the loss. Find out the medical causes of the dog's problems. It might be a UTI, or she needs her anal glands expressed. Unless this dog has cancer and is suffering, let her live out her natural days. Otherwise, you can suffer the guilt of watching your grandmother suffer. This dog's presence is in her long term memory and keeping her going.

We had an old dog who started leaking pee, we took her to the vet and she had a hormone deficiency, a pill a day stopped the leaking. If you have wooden floors get a cheap carpet from store or ask a carpet store for a remnant. I would try that before putting her down. Also, for the sake of the dog, please don't take her to the pound. She will die scared, confused, and alone. I always stay and hold or pet my animals when they have to be put down. They have brought joy into my life and I owe them that much to see they leave this life as happy and calm as possible.
Speaking of that, reminds me of a sheep we had. She was 12 years old. All her teeth were loose and she was having problems getting up and down. She had been my daughter's FFA project. Said daughter had left home and had no room for the sheep, so she stayed with me. I loved her immensely, anyway, I took her to the vet for a shot. I just couldn't shoot her in case she didn't die quick. One butcher would slit her throat, and we could feed her to the dogs. Couldn't do that either. So, I took her to the Vet. As he shaved her neck and administered the dose, I fed her chocolate chip cookies. You can't do much better than to go to sleep eating chocolate chip cookies.

Meghan

I had to do this twice and I am not sure if you will have the same results I did, but...
My 92 year old mom lived with me for 2 years. When she moved in, she brought her 20 year old Siamese cat and 13 year old German shepherd. Mom loved her pets. The dog developed a tumor and it was time. Due to the Alzheimer's sometimes the dog was mine and sometimes it was hers. I put the dog down when she was away at daycare and I told her when she got home. Of course, she remembered the dog was hers that day and she mourned and missed her but she did accept it. The dog was obviously struggling.

About a year later the cat, needed to go down. She was urinating all over my house. Every time I tried to talk to her about it, she would get very angry with me, she was going to go home and bury her cat in her own back yard, etc. etc. (In my mom's mind, she was just visiting me). By this time, her dementia was worse. I took the cat to vet while she was at daycare, got rid of all the cat stuff, told her the cat died, and when she got home and she just said "oh ok" and that was it. Out-of-sight out-of-mind.

What I would do - first have the conversation and see how she reacts. If she accepts it go ahead and do it. Secondly, there are vets that will come to the house and euthanize a pet at home. It is more expensive and I did think of doing this, but decided it wouldn't be a good idea. And lastly, she may not remember. I do not know how bad her dementia is, but I was shocked when I put the cat down and it was literally out-of-sight out-of-mind.

You have to think of the dog too, if she is suffering, please let her go.

From a man's point of view, There is no need for animals to suffer, it is the only human thing to do. It is your house. I would tell her you are taking the animal to the Vet, have the animal put out of its misery. Tell your Mom you had to leave the pet with the Vet because that the animal is really sick. I would not say anything after that, just let it ride. If she has dementia she'll soon forget.
If she needs a companion animal there are plenty at your local animal shelters. If she asks where her dog or cat is, tell her they passed away peacefully, there is no need to tell her they were put down.
I know this sound hardhearted but they would not allow animals in rest homes or assisted living unless they are service animals.
I hated putting down my beloved Golden but she was suffering from cancer. Do what needs doing.

What's the likelihood of getting another dog if Elie is euthanized, which sounds as if it's appropriate now or soon. Your profile states that you're caring for your grandmother living at home; are you living there with her and would you feel you have enough time to care for a replacement dog?

When I had to have my cats euthanized (at nearly 20 years of age), my vet sent me a touching emotional condolence card. Although I don't remember the specific wording, it was something to the effect that they provided love, comfort and companionship to me for years. Now it was my turn to acknowledge that, treat them with respect, and prevent them from any further suffering.

If you don't feel comfortable getting another pet, perhaps you can get a large toy dog that looks very real and keep it near your grandmother.

Since Grandma may not be able to process the information as to why it would be humane to put Ellie down, if I were in your situation I would tell her what my husband's mother told him when he was 7 years old; his dog needed more space to run and play so she gave his dog to a nice farmer who had a large farm. I am 85 and still sharp, but it's fine with me if my children tell me well intentioned lies if I start losing focus. I like to believe that my beloved cats have all gone over The Rainbow Bridge.

As Ferris said. We had an older dog that had that issue, the Vet said her sphincster-sp? just was not as tight due to age, causing the leaking. The fix was easy and inexpensive, we gave her what we dubbed her "No Pee Pee" pills daily, for years. Complete fix, around $20 a month. You probably already know the other possible simple reason, if they have a UTI, a perfectly trained dog will lose control where they wouldn't otherwise. Also an easy fix, take a sterile jar, catch some pee, drop off at Vet's office to be tested for infection.

The "falling", sometimes it's that tile and wood floors are slick, keeping nails short and tossing down a few rugs at key places has given a few of ours more years when we were afraid they were in trouble.

I think if it were me, I'd have her owner in on all the decisions, at least as much as possible. Like tell her "OK, I collected some urine to be dropped at the Vet's". Then when they call, "OK, test results said..." That way she'll know an expert is in on it, and that you did all you could, even if it is only in the back of her mind, and on some days. The loss will be hard enough, you don't want it compounded with the awful thought that all considerations were not given by her, and you.

16 is pushing it, but my GMA had a collie mix live to 18, you never know. You say she doesn't look like she feels good, and that may mean it is her time, (underlying organ failure, etc.). Or could simply be not feeling well from the Urinary Tract Infection. Investigate, keep GMA posted, often times the dog "let's you know" when it is their time by these clues, looking unhappy and sick is usually one of the clues.

I'd get something from the vet (who no doubt deals with this every day). Let the dog quietly die at home, rather than in the sterility of an exam room. That may just be too much for grandma. My brother has mother living with him and he has "put down" several dogs by this method. First he begins talking to mom about how old and sick "so and so" is, and then they kind of decide on a date to "take the dog to the vet". Amazingly, the dog never quite makes it to the vet. Then grandma can grieve and be sad, before you have the remains removed. I say this with tears in my eyes as I had to take my beloved Border Collie in and have her put down. I've never cried so hard in my life. I hated that she died in her least favorite place on earth.....

Prolonging the dog's life for even a few months is a long time in dog time. She probably has arthritis, which is very painful. One of my dogs was on the "pee pee pills" but she was a young dog and responded well to the medication. If the doctor can treat her symptoms with medications, great. If not, I would not delay the inevitable.