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My mom is 85, lives beside me and for several years has felt my husband and or me has been stealing from her and making changes to numbers in her checkbook. I had just dismissed most of it until yesterday when she called our local sheriff's office to tell then my husband came into her home and tried to kill her while she was asleep. She also showed all of her bank statements to the officer telling him what we were doing to her. Of course it took him no time to ask me if she has dementia. She has never been diagnosed because for the most part her mind has seemed alright but now I realize it's not. She's refusing to see her doctor and told me of I call him to tell him about this I will regret the day I was born. I am afraid to leave her alone and don't have a clue what to do or where to turn. I have called her doctor and am waiting on a response back.

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Carole1414, you are unfortunately on a long, difficult road. I find lots of good information from reading the caregiver forum here, so look all around this website at the other questions and answers. You should probably also be sure you know where your Mom's power of attorney, medical surrogate instructions, will, etc are and make sure you have the most recent copy. It's at this point that Mom will change these documents using an attorney who is happy to take them for a couple thousand dollars and get themselves (the attorney) appointed the durable power of attorney. Fortunately for you the police officer was savvy to dementia; not all of them are. She should probably be in assisted living where the caregivers are trained to cope with accusations of theft, abuse, etc. Your husband should not have to put up with being accused of stealing. Self preservation should be your first priority...your self and your husband's self. Mom is only going to get worse. Worse means more delusions, physical abuse directed at you, more paranoia, calling 911, escape attempts, rummaging through your stuff, not sleeping at night, etc. This process does not have a happy outcome. At least the others here will be supportive.
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Thank you for the answers. It is very scary seeing someone you love turn in to someone you don't even know. I'm doing pretty good at telling myself it's the illness not her. My husband on the other hand is not as forgiving and does not want her here anymore but I know he will settle down. I talked with her again tonight and she begs me to ask my husband where he has her jewelry and why he took it. I have no words for her since I know he didn't take it. I have tried looking for the things she says were stolen but no luck finding them yet. She loves to throw things in the garbage but I'm praying she wouldn't have thrown her mother's bracelet away.
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Its part of Alzheimers. My mother is obsessed with the belief that the housekeeping staff has stolen her ratty suits, her fry pan, her coffee pot, etc. We are holding our breath waiting for an AL place, praying she won't get kicked out of IL as she has already made one complaint to management. They are being patient, but Mom will just not let it go. As her Alzheimers gets worse, she is now getting nasty when we try to explain nothing is missing. I am not looking forward to seeing my formerly sweet gentle (100 year old) mother turn into a violent person. The other days she scared me, she got really mad and I thought she was going to strike me. These delusions and paranoias are real to them!
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Do not leave her alone. Get her OUT of your house ASAP. There are other posters here who are fearing criminal charges growing out of their parents' delusions and false accusations.
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