My husband and I have caregiver burnout. I'm failing my job. We are both feeling over stressed and feel over burdened. Our health is going downhill both mentally and physically. My husband gave up his job to save mine so he could care for my mother during the night. We have 2 part-time caregivers come in during the week day (no weekends) hours vary - but don't exactly meet our needs.

We both are finding we have no energy nor patience any longer. My relationship has deteriorated with my mother and I have put a mental distance and now would like a physical distance between she and me. As that feels like a means to cope with this situation. Family (my 5 siblings) do not contribute or seem to care about their mother or us.

It is the mental part of her illness that is getting to us. And the fact we can no longer have a life and are entering our 60's. We still want to have some good years - and do things while we can. Being in servitude 24/7 and not being able to plan or do anything but take care of my mother has brought me to the end of my rope.

I have DPOA of my mother.

My mother is getting more and more difficult as each month goes on. She is unable to do any caring for herself and has been that way since she arrived.

Back in 2001 my mom made me DPOA because she was having open heart surgery. The document has just stood since then, but seems to have become my tar baby. My father died in 2001 and was the decision maker for everything and the financial source for my mother.

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Remember, our roles are now reversed. Much like when you were a kid your parents made you do things you didn't like or denied you things you wanted. You got mad, cried, whined and were a pain in the ass. Now your the mom. Except kids get smarter, learn their lesson. Elders usually do not. It goes the opposite direction.
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Thank you both, Windyridge and Pamstegma for your insightful AND SUPPORTIVE notes.

I think that will be my next step.

My family could have made it so much better for my mom if they only would have helped care for her so she could have stayed with us longer, but we are all "caregivered" out with no more resources.

Windyridge, I am going to need those proverbial ear plugs.

Thanks again,
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You have done a lot more than most family members would even attempt to do. So you find a Nursing Home for her. If she can go in as private pay for two years, a lot of doors will open. If she has to go in as Medicaid, you'll need to dig up five years of financial records to prove she is in need.
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While you family may EXPECT you to shoulder the burden of caring for mom there is no legal obligation that you continue POA or not.

The obvious solution is to find a care facility that meets her needs. If she does not have funds apply for Medicaid. Lots of people care for elders at home but it can be all consuming as you know. I mean no disrespect to those that do but I would never attempt it with my parents. So far I'm lucky in that my folks haven't been guilt tripping me to take them in. I'm also early 60s with a few good years left. Save yourself. Do what has to be done. Turn off the guilt receptors, put in some ear plugs and make it happen.
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