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I was just told that my mother needs more care and that we should look into Hospice care. My mother is not progressing from a fractured femur and has not eaten well. She is in constant pain and refuses to eat. She told me when she look at the food she is turned off but, she may eat home cooked food. She is so weak and frail and cannot handle the rehab for her leg. I tried my best to care for her since May of this year and practically for over 20 years and she went down fast. She is 95 years old and in the back of my mind I feel there is something left in her to live. Yes, I am in denial and lately nothing I say to her is helping. I hate to see her in this way and all I wanted to do is hold onto her longer. I do have my sisters but for support but, I have to be strong about this and face what may come. I still feel there is hope.

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Hospice was my saving grace. I had cared for dad for 4 years after he suffered 3 strokes and developed Parkinson's. He eventually died of Liver cancer. The staff at Hospice was so kind and peaceful to me and to dad even though he was unconscious after his first day there. They treated him like he was their baby. They were so gentle and talked to him in gentle tones just as if he could hear them. As I was caring for dad alone (yes, I have siblings) I feel like they went through his final days with me as if they too were family members. He has passed but they call me every so often to see how I am doing. For them to be there for me as well as for him I will be eternally grateful.
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Hospice is great at untying red tape. The nurse felt my husband should have a hospital bed. I'd been trying to order one through Medicare for two weeks. We signed up for Hospice at 3:00 in the afternoon; they had a bed delivered, along with an over-the-bed adjustable tray table by 7:30 that night. When the nurse suspected he needed a catheter she went out to her car and brought one in. She was right -- he felt immensely better immediately. It was great not to have to go to a clinic or ER to get help making him comfortable.

All of the hospice staff we saw were very kind and upbeat without being falsely optimistic or silly. It is very respectful service.

I am sorry that your Mom is at this point, but how wonderful to have had her in your life for so very long. Hospice can help you learn to let her go with dignity and comfort.
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Hey,
My gramaw is on Hospice. She has been for better than 2 and a half years now. This is her second time being with them. So, I have seen Hospice come in and help people through the last leg of their journey and I have seen them come in and just help. She has wounderful nurses who I can call any time. They visit her three times a week. An aid com3s and spends a good hour just talking and then helps her bath twice a week.And a doctor who comes regular. I just can not tell you how much they help. Gramaw lost her daughter and like your mom, just kinda lost her appetite. Hospice came in and gave a pretty gloomy report. I moved her nearer to me and worked with them to make my gramaws life full and she does pretty good now. She is 85, bad heart, copd, degenerative macular desease and dementia. I know her situation is not the norm but it can and does happen.
I am certainly wishing you and her the best.
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If she talks about leaving, tell her it is OK. Dreams tell you a lot, she may dream that she is visited by those who have passed. Our mom has a recurring dream that she is going to a big party. I read this as a good sign, that she is accepting eternal reward. If your mother is a member of a church, arrange for her minister to visit her. Yes, you have hopes to keep her here, but if you believe in god and heaven, if you believe her friends and family are there waiting for her, don't hold her back from the big party.
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Hospice will come in and give your mom medical support (keeping her free from pain) and making sure her spiritual needs are met. They'll also work with you and what you need. There are usually more than one hospice groups in an area, so interview them to see which one best meets your needs.

I know it's hard when a parent is reaching the end, but at this point, it should be about keeping your mom as comfortable as possible and what is best for her. At 95 your mom has lived a long life. Just work with hospice to make whatever time she has left as comfortable and meaningful as possible. Say what you need to say...deal with any unspoken regrets or issues. Like Captain said, let her reminisce about her life and let her express herself. Don't deny what her feelings are. So if she says, "I'm ready to go", don't argue with her or tell her she isn't ready to go. Be a loving presence and affirm her life and what she means to you. Treat her with love and remember what is best for her. At this point, it's all about her.
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there are pretty rigid requirements to make one eligible for hospice care. if doc recommended hospice your mother is in decline and likely has 6 months or less to live. let your mom tell you about her life even if your familiar with the stories. she may feel a need to travel back and review life .
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