Can I expect my 87-year-old mother-in-law to help with chores around the house?

My 86 yo mom has PD and I live in her house. I've been with her 4 years, lots of changes and her mind is going rapidly but I let her do all her usual household tasks without criticism. I'm trying to keep her embedded habits intact and her body going. Don't jump in to help unless solicited.

so many helpful hints, I barely have anything left to contribute. But yes, if your MIL can do any chores, pls let her do them! It gives all a chance of dignity and respect. Fold clothes, help make out a grocery list, have her open the fridge or cabinets and and ask 'do we need milk, eggs, peas, carrots, whatever' and thank her for every single task she does. Make sure MIL overhears you and your spouse say what a great help she is! Ask her to help fold clothes, ask her to let you know when the trash can is full 'mom, do we need to empty the trash' while your back is turned or your hands are full, can you please hold this for me. Ask her to hold your keys, anything. Ask her to identify people in pictures and write it down on the back or a notepad even if the names are wrong. If MIL is mobile, ask her to please turn lights on or off, open blinds, pull the curtains, anything!

I think this question should be put to rest. Many outstanding suggestions have been provided. Please put it in the back files , if there is such a thing.

Only one more thing to add. If you have kids or grandkids, ask her to share stories of her childhood with them. It's not exactly household help. But oh, how you will regret it if her memories are lost! I keep wanting to ask my Momma things, and she died 5 years ago. Don't let the opportunity get past you, even if she does ramble. And record! I'd almost kill to hear Momma's voice again.

My 88 year old dad helps hand wash some of the dishes that don't go in the dishwasher and feeds my three dogs. He also sweeps the floor in his living room. He can't reach the top cabinets in the kitchen so I have asked him not to bother with emptying the dishwasher, he just sets all the clean dishes on the counter and mixes them with the dirty ones there. I also bought him a bird feeder and he fills it when needed, if he remembers.

I call my 87 yr old mom everday I am or was a caregiver to dad and mom daily and still work..i call to make sure she eats lunch remembers to take noon pills and ask her to either put something in fridge I had thawing or take out of freezer for later...she knows I hate putting away utensils from dishwasher so she generally playfully tells me "the maid" put them away when I get home--yes we cook at home every day all three meals--always have!! I ask what she wants from a list of two things based on meals I know I can make easily based on my work schedule that day and we talk about grocery shopping ---what she did during the day and sometimes just asking her to feed or water the cat or give a treat to the pets gives her something to do during the day. Even asking what happened during a certain daily tv show that they can share with you that night...gives them something to talk about. Mom also was always the laundry folder...she doesn't walk as good as she did as a farm wife years ago...but she can still fold towels while we watch tv together and it gets her mind off of her aches and pains for awhile! My advice is to find little things they can do to assist you--don't get picky if its not like you would do it....just be happy and blessed they are there to do it!

My grandfather helped let the dogs out and checked the mailbox, filled the dogs' waterdish and helped feed them. He delighted in sitting outside watching me garden , being the director of the project, reminding me of which vegetable was planted in what row. Bless his heart, he was still very good at identifying weeds from young plants!!! A great skill to celebrate. So, your choice of activities or chores may actually be best channeled into a parent's skill set!

Expecting someone to help around the house really depends on their physical condition. If they're able bodied, then yes, put them to work by all means. Putting myself in your shoes, I would never have someone living there who didn't contribute something to the household. Anytime you have someone living with you, all of the responsibilities should never fall on just one person. This leads to undue stress and maybe even anxiety about having an extra person there who doesn't contribute anything to the household. 

It would be different if the person was in poor physical condition and couldn't help out, but if someone is still able bodied, they should help or they shouldn't be there in the first place. Look at it as if you had your own place. At some point chores need done as we all know. There's cooking, cleaning, and even laundry as much as we hate it but all of those chores are important to keeping a home running well. Having someone there who doesn't contribute anything to the household is an unnecessary burden because they're just in the way if they're able bodied and in the financial position to contribute and don't. Putting myself in your shoes, I would never have anyone living with me who was in a position to contribute and doesn't, it's not fair to you and the rest of your family. If this person is able bodied and in a financial position to contribute, expect it, strongly encourage it, and even require it by setting those rules. Have consequences for broken rules, this is part of setting boundaries and not letting anyone take advantage of you. Show hospitality, but don't let people use you

Just FYI, the original post is 6 years old.

Please dont "expect". But i dont think she would be interested because people who are interested offer help themselves.

Anytime you move someone in it should be done with very careful consideration beforehand. If she's able bodied then yes it would be fair to ask her to help around the house. It's not fair to you and other members of your household if there's someone living there and not contributing to the household while everyone else is. Contributing to the household both financially and with assigned chores would definitely be a rule of the household with consequences for not following those rules

When my 89 year old grandmother moved in with my mom, Mother was reluctant to let her do chores. "She has a runny nose", etc. were the excuses. Mama had worked her entire life, just sitting in front of the TV all day was more than she could bear. In no time a bright, productive lady became a zombie. Let your mother help (you can always re-do whatever needs to be done later and consider it a gift. You probably won't get the chance again.)

You can expect whatever you want, but it's NOT going to happen!

Lol

There are 40+ pages of responses about older people helping around the house. Read them if you are interested.