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My dad spends every evening being just as awful to my mom. He is spending every bit of energy every night trying to convince my mom he never loved her and he has only been using her (for 32 years-and they have been happy) to take care of him. I don’t understand, and know I might not ever. It is so hard to see how this is breaking her. She is starting to believe him because it is daily. I am at a loss. Words of encouragement and shared experiences are appreciated.

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Does your Dad have dementia?

My Dad also has dementia and has gone through periods of saying he wants a divorce, doesn't love my mom..etc. My Mom and Dad have been married for 60 years. I think he just has such frustration with all the things he cant do, his loss of independence, wanting his old life back etc. He goes through phases of this.. but also acts loving to her most of the time.

With dementia they just cant make sense of it all. If you and mom are exhausted and sad all the time.. it sounds like you badly need a break from it all. Do you have any time to get away from Dad? Is the divorce talk since he got dementia? Can you refocus him?

It all must be terribly hurtful for you and your mom. If he does have dementia .. just consider the source and try not to take what he says personally. Get up and walk away .. if you can when he is acting out like this.

((hugs))
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Motherof3, if you can get Dad to his primary doctor, have the doctor check Dad for an Urinary Tract Infection as such infections can make older people not user friendly and down right mean. The infection can be controlled with antibiotics.

Also, Dad might not be happy that he is getting older. Some people will age gracefully, and others will fight it tooth and nail, and make everyone around them quite unhappy.
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