We cared for my MIL for two years in our home as well as helping her and my FIL for the previous 10 years. That included medical appointments, hair appointments, funerals, grocery shopping, yard work, etc. My SIL did what she could which was about 20 % of their needs. My BIL did practically nothing.
My MIL helped buy the house she lived in with us. She paid for the materials to finish the basement (her apartment) and my husband gave his labor for free. This is his career but he didn't collect a paycheck for two months while he was finishing the basement for her. In the end, it cost her less to live with us than to live independently or in AL.
They have both passed away and my husband was the executor for them. While the financial side of their estate was simple, it took many, many hours to deal with the possessions. Again, the siblings did almost nothing compared to the hours that my husband and (mainly) I put in to dealing with the stuff.
My husband was/is hesitant to take his executor's fee. He had a meeting with his siblings and they didn't know that he is legally entitled to a percentage of the estate. He fought for some of the fee (about 60% of what he legally could collect).
The siblings are not happy...SIL thinks "This isn't the way family treats family." As the one who provided most of their care, who couldn't work full time and contribute to my retirement and who spent way more than the executor's fee putting gas in the car to haul them around, I think it is more than fair for us to receive that money.
My MIL would have had almost nothing left if she had been in AL for the two years that she lived with us. Our time/effort/money are what is allowing my husband's siblings to inherit at all.
What are your thoughts on us taking a percentage of the executor's fee?