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Dear Aging Care:
This is about my ex-girlfriend (age 52) and her 85 year old father. She is his primary caregiver 24/7. They both live in the same house. She is not married and no children. The father has medical and mental issues. They actually have physical and verbal fights. His mental condition is a mood change. Medications does not seem to help. She gets no help from her sisters or brothers because they do not really want anything to do with the father.


In the past, a few times police had to come to the house. She does not know what to do because she can not take care of him anymore. She is afraid that she could loose the house and has a lot of anxiety. Could she have her father put away for this kind of behavior? say in a mental nursing home? Something has to be done because I am afraid that some terrible is going to happen to either one of them. What can this girl do? I am her ex-boyfriend because the father does not want me over the house and when I used to leave, he used to talk about me. I guess he felt that I would tell her to put him away.
I do not want to see any one go away, since when I lost my father 4 years ago, he passed away in a Nursing Home.


Is there anything she can do? She does not want an assisted living person in the house. I just don't know what to tell this poor girl? Thanks for your help. Victor

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We do not "put people away" anymore. We sometimes place them where they can get the care they need and where they will not be harmful to themselves or others. Their loved ones still visit, often still advocate for them, see that they really are getting good care, etc. Your girlfriend would not be abandoning her father if he needs to be placed in a care center, she will continue to love and support him, but she will not have the responsibility of day-to-day care.

I'm sure money is tight, but consulting a lawyer specializing in Elder Law would be the most helpful thing GF could do right now. Better to pay some money upfront than risk losing lots more down the road.
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She needs to check state law. She will need a letter from the doc that the care she provided was medically necessary. She needs to talk with an elder law attorney that specializes in Medicaid. Laws differ from state to state.
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Thanks for the help. Can she stay in the home as long as she wants since it was paid off or for ever, and just pay the taxes and expenses if her father has to go into a Nursing Home if he goes on Medicaid? Thanks for the help.
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Not your business but she needs to call 911 when things get out of hand. Then tell them she can no longer provide the care he needs. Maybe a stay in a geriatric psych hospital will get him stabilized. They will work with him to find the meds that will work for him.

If she has cared for him for two years before he enters a NURSING HOME she can remain in the house. Medicaid will lien the house and take it when she no longer needs the home.
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