Hello, I’m new…first post/question.
I’ve spent days trying to figure out how to post this because there are so many components that no one choice of topic fits.
I’ll just dive in:
Mom had a massive left brain stroke in 2011. She wasn’t expected to survive but she did and even regained a good 75-80% of her right side and communication.
Less than a year later, 2012, she was in pulmonary distress. They took 16oz of fluid off her lungs then discovered she was in renal failure due to severe rheumatic mitral valve stenosis (heart failure basically). They wanted to do a mitral valve replacement but after several consults with some of the best surgeons in the nation decided she was too far gone to survive the surgery. They did a valvuplasty(?) that included several things I can’t recall at the moment but it was to buy her a couple years…at most 7 years to get strong enough to endure the surgery. I knew she had a balloon procedure back then (still living in different states) but she made it seem like it was nothing…no big deal and everything is fine. I only learned of the seriousness a few days ago when I received her medical records from Vanderbilt Hospital. When I mentioned it she screamed and cried to please never make her have open heart surgery. (her mother died from the same heart disease. She had valve replacement when it was new back in 72 and it bought her another 20 years but she did suffer a lot so ok...now I think I get why mom never wanted me to know how serious it was) though when she was here visiting me in October 2018 I noticed a lot of the signs I saw in my grandmother, including mom not urinating for easily 12 hours at a time. She’s infuriating with all these secrets and laughing things off then freaking out when I finally learn of it far too late.
At any rate, the little they were able to do in 2012 got the renal failure under control and bought time on the mitral valve surgery.
Suddenly she moved to Ohio in 2013 and quickly married a long time friend’s brother. They’d all known each other for more than a decade but I didn’t know him…just met him a couple times for a few minutes.
I live in Texas and she is in Ohio with this person who I thought just very quiet/standoffish.
I trusted it was a good match and he was going to take good care of her and continued on with my life.
In late 2014/early 2014 she was diagnosed with colon cancer and had a segment of colon removed, radiation, etc. She downplayed it some but her husband always called it a blockage that they “had to clean out” and such. He’d never call it what it was or acknowledge colon removed…nothing. I received those records yesterday. It was so much worse than even she said. Mainly the fact that all of the tests from MRIs to ECGs to blood work and urine output showed she was again in severe heart failure and renal distress. In addition her liver and lungs were showing signs of effect…all the same but not quite as bad as in 2012. The doctors in Ohio focused on the colon cancer.
She had 3-4 (no one will ever know the true number) light strokes since though they didn’t create any noticeable change in her physical or communication abilities.
Over all this time I was in touch on a regular basis and for the past 2-3 years it’s been at least a weekly phone or video call chat. More and more she seemed ill at ease, letting little facial expressions or comments about her husband show through then downplay it if I questioned it, which I tended to not do…not my business, right? I had also noticed that it seemed he was always around when she spoke with me…even if he was to be gone for hours, within 15 mins of calling me he’d randomly show up. I found excuses for that but after a while it was far more than a coincidence which she confirmed during her visit.
When she came to visit me in October 2018, it was as if a gag was removed from her mouth. From the moment she arrived she began speaking of the very questionable behavior of her husband (see more in answers below)