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When the son is around all her time and attention goes to him. He even pits me against my mother. She defends all he does: alcohol abuse, lying, and stealing from her, but she wants him around seemingly as a playmate and what I do and am doing for her does not matter. Why do parents have favorites and when confronted they sent it and say you are putting them down!! Helppp!!!

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If in independent living she has to be competent and care for herself, right? Sorry, not going to change her at this point. And u can't control what she does. I wouldn't be around when son is. When she shows no appreciation for what u do, tell her u don't have to do it. That if she prefer ask her son to do it for her. Then walk away for a few days or so. Bet she will be calling u when she finds out son won't and may appreciate u more. There r some parents we have to have borders. You r entitled to ur own life.
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If she's incompetent and allows him to steal, it's up to her, but, if she's not competent, I'd explore if he is taking advantage of a vulnerable senior. There's nothing that can change her mind about adoring her son, but, if he's improperly taking her property, that might be something to intervene over.
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If you can prove he is stealing from her, go to court and get an Order of Protection.
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