I've been taking care of my aunt (89) for 5yrs. I was promised by her if I moved in and helped her, she would leave me her home if she should pass. she now has very little mobility, she's unable to do anything for herself including washing her face, hands or wiping her own butt. It has really put a toll on me and my fiancé, from the time we wake up until the time we FALL asleep 24 hours a day, everyday. She is dead wait and needs a nursing home. She's don't qualify for Medicaid because she owns her home, no one is willing to help us out. I would actually crawl up the stairs with her food to feed her not knowing I was on my last leg until I couldn't go anymore. blood level was a 4 and needed a blood transfusion and surgery. I never got paid for taking care of my aunt and paid all expenses food, electric, water, toiletries etc. even her medication and depends, laundry detergents and all, even put thousands of dollars in her attic making it a room for entertainment etc. Now she tells me that she don't want to transfer the house or sell it to me. Her stepdaughter wants to now step in and be power of attorney and handle everything, actually she wants all the glory without any dirty hands. She wants to know about the house, the bank accounts etc. and how she can manage these things. not only her other family members also but no one was or has been willing to even come offer to was her face or hands nevertheless change her diaper. Now she needs this nursing care and it seems I'm going to be out back because even if she decides to transfer it to me it will still be a lean on the house. I'm just so tired of everyone wanting to manage the finances but no one is willing to get their hands dirty. I have to now start looking for a place after I used all my finances here and on this major surgery I had. I've been in the hospital every month since April 2014 for a week or more each time. Dec. 18th has been the longest I've been home and still no one even offer to stay 24 hours her no one helps it's just been my fiancé and myself. we have no life and he is a blessing because any one else would have probably left me in this situation saying it's my family not his. what shall I do. I know I must find a home because she definitely needs 24 hour care. I'm just so discussed knowing her step daughter will end up with it all. It just makes me sick to the stomach on how much I've contributed over the years with 4 grandchildren. I just believe that God will provide. I don't even have nothing in writing and every time I asked for something the conversation gets ugly and still no one will help her out and she just don't appreciated what we do for her. I so tired. No one will help with a stair lift, a ramp a bed or NOTHING but willing to help with her finances. ugh.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Thank you all for your answers I have considered them all. My aunt is now in the nursing home I did apply for Medicaid for her which is still pending but was told she was approved by the state to enter a nursing facility or care at home. the nursing home I found for her Medicaid would pay for it along with her check which was fine. Her stepdaughter got angry and told me that another aunt of mine has power of attorney and she is 88 yrs. old. They then came in and took all her paper work and changed her mailing address somewhere else and put her into a self pay nursing home. Had me restricted from seeing her and now wants to come into the house and remove things and wants me to move out so they can remodel the house to be sold. I am so angry and was wondering if I can get the Poa revoked. they are now slandering me, I have never taken anything from her and used my money to provide. They're trying to use her money up so the house can be sold although I have the promise of the house. I did go see my aunt and she was glad to see me. She needs so many things and no one will spend their money. They're willing to spend that kind of money for a nursing home but won't remodel her home for disability needs. the poa can barely take care of herself. I believe the step daughter has poa but needs it in my aunts name because she lives out of state. I did find a letter of agreement that was written between us two and it is signed and notorized I just can't seem to find the original with the seal. Can I fight this?
Helpful Answer (0)

Hope you are on your way to an Elder Law attorney!
Helpful Answer (2)

losimons, your aunt CAN get Medicaid while owning a home, and the only person Medicaid will allow to stay there is someone who has been a caregiver for 2years or more. That puts you IN and stepdaughter OUT.
If this stepdaughter were to attempt to move ANY money into her own name, the Judge would cuff her and stuff her for elder financial abuse. NO POA can use their power to put things in their name. It's called "Conflict of Interest". Those assets have to be spent down on the aunt's care. Once they are down to $2000 she applies for Medicaid.
You have rights, and you would best go see an elder law attorney ASAP to protect both you and your aunt.
Helpful Answer (3)

My goodness !! It is everywhere the same thing. My husband had cancer when he was 48 years. "Luckily" he got rid of the cancer (leukemia) after heavy chemo. He was unable to take care of himself for nearly a year. Coincidence or not, but when he had recuperated a bit from his chemo treatments, he was very distracted, could not concentrate any more, and forgot more and more when I asked him to do so. For instance, I asked him to fetch a bottle of water in the cellar, and after a while he came in the kitchen with sugar, or flour, or milk... but no water. After many consults with various doctors, who all said he had burn out, and stress of his cancer, I got really angry and arranged a thorough examination of him in a specialized clinic for elderly people though he was only around 50 years. The result was like a bomb : he had Alzheimer. I had to arrange for daycare for him, as I still went working full-time. But each morning and evening, and during week-ends, holidays etc.. I was with him. He had 3 daughters from his 1st marriage. Only 1 of them came about 1 x each 3 / 4 months, the others, I have never seen. None of them ever presented to remain with him, so that I had a rare afternoon to do some shopping for myself, or have a coffee or ice cream on a terrace in the sun during summer time, or to visit a big mall just for fun. None of them !! He was my husband, and I had to take care of him every minute I was not out working, but apparently they forgot it was their father. When after several years of fighting and struggling, I went to my doctor, explained the situation and I first was very surprised by his answer. He simply said : Madam listen, if you want to die before your husband, you should continue as you are doing now. If on the contrary, and as it should be, your husband dies before you, it is imperative that you take immediately all necessary measures that he can be placed full time in a nursing home specialized in handling people with dementia and Alzheimer, and you must start having a 'normal' life in as far as it is possible. I have been doubting about the answer of my doctor, but I felt that my health, patience and my mental condition got worse day by day. I had regularly contacted his daughters if they could give me a hand with this or that but either : no time, planned a weekend at sea, had to go to a party, one of the children was sick or they were sick. Shortly not 1 SINGLE TIME did anyone show up to relieve me for a couple of hours.
The above just to illustrate that in 95 % of the families, you can not count on anyone for assistance or help or to give me a little bit of money to pay for the daycare centre, his medicines, etc... Even for father's day or Christmas, his birthday etc.. they just phoned or send a card.
When I finally decided that I was obliged to arrange a nursing home for him, I was advised that a POA would be appointed, and I immediately rushed to a lawyer to see whether his children had any right. His eldest daughter being a head accountant, I knew that big amounts would be transferred to her account, leaving me with 7 or 8 years of daily care, and spending my own money to pay for his things. I always have done this with my full hart, because we loved each other as if we were still young.

But effectively, and as I had feared, when we came before the Judge to appoint a POA, all 3 daughters stood there, and claimed that I was not in a position to take this responsibility. Luckily my lawyer was next to me, and after having pictured the whole situation over the last years, with no help whatsoever from them, even no visit in the nursing home, etc.. the judge was honest, and told them to be ashamed of their attitude so that automatically I was the POA of my own husband. I must admit that as from that day I have charged every cent, even for a stupid pair of socks or some cookies or small drinks as cola, orange juice etc.. And I visited him each week, and I never paid the bill of the cafetaria. Each ticket was handed to the judge by the end of the year, and each of them had to pay their share.

I feel so sorry for you that you are spending each and every day for her well being, and that when money is concerned, they all wake up to put you aside.

I don't know if anything can be changed now, but I only can recommend you to look our for a specialized attorney or a notary, so that at least you are compensated for all the expenses and work you did for her. This would be just and right. If this can not be arranged any more, it is pure and simple theft.
I sincerely hope everything turns out in your favour.
Although I am living in Belgium (Europe) and laws are not the same everywhere, but I really believe that you also must be compensated for all the time and money you have spent for your aunt.
Lots of courage of a big hug !!
Helpful Answer (3)

Medicaid permits retaining the home and a car. In some states the ruoes permit transferring the home to a family caregiver the provides medically necessary care for a period of two years prior to entering a nursing home. But that information is not going to help with other family members that need to find a way to pay for care. And there is still a mortgage on it?

So many, here think that the home should transfer to the caregiver, me included. It did not happen here because of sibling greed. And now they have spent outrageous amounts of mom's money on attorneys and such in a effort to get me out of the caregiving role which is close to four years. So, I absolutely understand the stress this has caused you. In my case, I have thrown in the towel and will be done about the end of the month. And, quite frankly I am very ready! My mom has declined fairly drastically in the last couple of months and I am just freaking tired.

So, think carefully about whether you want to try to fight that battle. It can be expensive. You may want to talk with Medicaid about your situation. One of the reasons the house transfer is allowed is because they don't want caregiving to cause the caregiver to become impoverished or another recipient of medicaid.

You should talk to an elder law attorney that specializes in Medicaid planning. They may have some other ideas. Most provide free initial consultation.
Helpful Answer (3)

Ugh is right.

It is too bad that this has gone on so long without having anything in writing. Family members who care for a loved one are entitled to compensation. That might be a monthly salary, goods, various valuables, or a number of other things. It is sad to say this, but whatever the parties agree to should be IN WRITING and signed by both of them. Your case is a classic example of what can happen if that isn't taken care from the very beginning.

She can qualify for Medicaid even owning a house, but, yes, there will be a lien on it. Since you have lived there as her caregiver for so many years, there might be an exception that she could give it to you instead.

I suggest that you consult with an attorney who specializes in Elder Law. (Not your cousin who handles divorces or your friend who practices corporate law.) You need to find out what your options (and your Aunt's options) are at this late date.
Helpful Answer (5)

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter