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I love this woman. There is nothing like the sound of her voice when she says my name. It sounds exactly the same since I was a little girl. I would miss that the most if anything happened to her.


My mother was very beautiful looked and dressed like a movie star. Always smelled pretty was so clean and meticulous about everything. Even though she and I never got along that great, I always respected her and would walk away if she said mean things to me and she and my beloved father worked hard had there own business and took excellent care of my brothers and I. My dad been gone a long time since 2003. Some nites she's walking around looking for him breaks my heart. But now I know I'm the only one to look after her. I live in her house and I'm expected to do everything. I stay exhausted going up and down the stairs. And when I bring her meals in her room she's in there with her clothes half off and walks around with 3 blouses and nothing below. Even after I dress her she will eventually take them off. She urinates in anything that will hold it. I give her plastic cups now. She spits the same way. She takes her gorgeous clothes out of closet and throws them around and wipes herself...pee not poop on her clothes. I cannot understand why she will go poop but not pee in the bathroom. I put a potty chair in there she put poo pee spit and clothes and tried to flush it all down the toilet the plumber had to pull up toilet twice. Pull ups don't work she poops in them and puts them in the tub.. smh..This weekend I'm fixing the closets so she can't open and ruin her things. .She won't bath. Argues me down saying she had a bath and has not over a week. She pulls all the linen off the bed everyday and the bed reeks of pee. The carpet smells. She will take the curtain off the windows and put it around her shoulders. But the worst is the spit and pee. Constantly rinsing her mouth and spitting everywhere. I have no solution I gave her a small bucket. I bought 19 buckets from 99 cent store because I cannot empty it. it's too nasty I vomit and gag it's filled with pee and spit..I throw it in the trash. I say MOM what is all this. Cups pee and filth she puts food in drawers too. And I'm yelling because her hearing is bad. It's hard to yell and sound nice.. and I'm pissed and mad anyway at her. And she says someone else came in there and did it all. I know I'm just venting right now. But I'm so stressed over it our house stinks I clean and clean.


I feel so sorry for her she reminds me of an animal in there and it's my fault she smells and looks so bad. Hopefully tomorrow I can get my mother in law to watch her while I clean and disinfect. My brothers are totally ridiculous and won't help. My older brother comes by and won't lift a finger. My younger brother whose is a firefighter never wants to hear one word about her behaviors. It's embarrassing to even have someone walk in there it smells so bad. And we do clean the carpet once a month. Any suggestions or strategies?? help I feel like a beaten down race horse. This house is not a home it's a prison.

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I agree with transitioning her into a care facility. It's not unloving, not abandonment, not selfish. It's life-saving for your body, mind and soul. And your mom will be ok. Please consider it. Peace to you
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It's not YOUR fault she smells and looks so bad.......and it's not her fault either.....its DEMENTIA'S fault. And it's time to place mother in a Memory Care community where she will have 3 shifts of care givers to look after her every day. This is too much, and you know that. Ask for, and take, the help that you need now. Enough is enough.
Sending you a big hug and wishing you the best
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It’s time for a facility. You cannot keep doing this. At the rate it’s going you will be incapacitated or die before she does.

You’re not a bad daughter. You can’t love your way through this. You can no longer give her the level of care she needs, and that isn’t your fault! Placing her where she can get the help she needs is the best thing you can do for her now.
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