Have you ever wanted to run away?

I feel I've given up my life. I have two. Mom and her live (18yrs). End stages copd and severe arthritis and blood issues. Both late 70's. I have 3 kids, 4 Grandkids, and hubby of 21 yrs. lived in moms basement apt(paid rent for that dungeon) 7 yrs. hubs just got a new place. Couldn't deal anymore and I can't blame him but couldn't go with. Nw I feel abandoned. I am 51 and must ask permission to go somewhere. If I go watch tv in my room (can't stand golf) she calls every ten mins with excuses y I need to come back upstairs. HE isn't as bad as he plays off, milks it. Sits, nd waits to be served. I feel taken advantage of, manipulated daily, treated like a child. Mom very controlling. Specific spoon or fork or bowl or paper plate size each meal. I swear she wants food at a full rolling boil, then has to pee and it gets cold. Start all over. I am upstairs at 9am and am lucky to go "home" (their rec room now) by 11pm. I get the pouty face routine. I am old, fat, depressed, and just want to be lazy. I want-to be able to say "no, I don't want any pie but I'll get you some" without getting pressured. I want- to have someone else pick up those little fuzz balls off the carpet that annoy her so much. I want- to be able to go somewhere w/o a curfew (meds, treatments). I want- to have a place to have my Grandkids come see me. I want- to be able to say "yes, i'll meet you for lunch" to my husband. I want- to be respected and not be told how to dress, when, hw, who, what every aspect of my life. But it's not about me.
I love my mom with ll of my being and I do know that when she is gone I will rest well knowing I gave of myself to make her final years comfortable. Sure would live to runaway though! Thanks for lustening