I am an adult only child. I've been estranged from my parents for 20+/- years with some periods of "detente" However communication is always strained at best. Initially my parents disowned me for being gay. They stole money from me, harassed my friends and support network ( some of my friends filed restraining orders against my parents) so I separated from them. I sought therapy for the pain of the loss, assumed I'd never see or hear from them again ( my mother stated she did not want me to be informed if she died) Gradually I came to understand that there was a long history of verbal, emotional abuse and childhood neglect. Situations and actions I thought "everyone" experienced turned out to fall into classic definition of abuse. I tried to reconnect for years but they are unwilling or incapable of accepting me for me, nor do they see anything they did or said as "abusive" I am "making up stories" "being dramatic" et al. Eventually I married, bought a home and live about 8 miles from where my parents live. I never told my parents I was married. I thought it would be far too disruptive. Maybe they read it in the papers or heard from a relative but I never told them. Fast forward to spring 2016 and I am contacted by my mother. My father has been displaying signs of early dementia, he has fallen victim to one of those "your a winner sweepstakes " scams to the tune of $7K, their house is falling apart, she has peripheral nephropathy in her leg and has trouble getting around and cant drive, my father is losing weight and looks terrible. My wife and I start helping them with basic household care, cleaning the property, taking away huge mounds of junk mail. We bring by "special meals" for birthdays and holidays. I try and get my dad to see a doctor. He refuses. Fast forward to December - I get a 6am call telling me my dad has fallen and can't move can I come over. I call 911 and get him to an ER. Turns out he has CLL (chronic leukemia) he has lost a lot of muscle mass. He is admitted to the hospital and 1 week later he is discharged to a nearby rehab. Thru all this I try and help them navigate what doctors are saying, drive my mother back and forth to the hospital ( :30 mins from my house to hers, 20 mins to hospital then back again), buy some groceries. I am self employed and work several part time jobs. I am not financially secure myself, have my own health issues and work and personal commitments.Despite that I cancel and reschedule work for 3 weeks to help my mother. This week I needed to get back to work. I needed to handle my own health needs and this resulted in being screamed at for 20 mins by my mother. That "her generation" expected adult children to step up and be the primary care giver. She cant do it alone, she is lonely and needs help. They have both neglected their health for 30+ years, they have neglected home repairs, they have indeed struggled with money but seem to have made that part of their identity - it is who they are not a circumstance to overcome. They never made financial plans, never planned for legal documents. I drove around for a week trying to get a lawyer to get my mom POA and Althea Care POA for my dad. They didnt have cell phones - i got them phones. I am doing all I can do. I understand my mom is freaking out about money, bills, her husband but I cant do any more than I am. I cant give up my business and other jobs to be her full time caretaker. I can offer a few hours a week. She insisted I drive her car while my dad is in rehab so I can drive her around ( I don't own a car) but doesn't respect my time limits. I get yelled at for having any limits and boundaries. I tried offering Uber, a cab, signing her up for a local low cost senior transit shuttle - she rejects all of it. She says she is bankrupt and cant afford a cab or uber. She wont take public transit or a shuttle because she doesn't want to fall in front of strangers. "It is my responsibility" It is easier to yell at me and blame me for their 10 alarm fire. The kick in the stomach today was learning about PA's Filial Responsibility laws. This just feels punitive. For 60 years they get to do, say, behave however they want,make poor choices, harass, insult, "disown" me, paint me as a villain to the family, isolate themselves, cut themselves off from family /community and now I am expected to pick up the bill - literally and figuratively? HELP! I need help. After the last screaming call I got from my mother I feel physically ill. I keep throwing up, I cant stop crying, my back hurts, I cant eat. How can I step away without being entrapped by this insane law? BTW - I've attempted to get help from the social worker at my dad's rehab, a local elder volunteer service, the hospital everyone shrugs their shoulders and says "not my problem" who can I turn to for help? I don't have $200/hr for lawyers and GCM or private agencies.How can I help without getting ensnared in the toxic dynamic?