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My Dad who is 100 still does his own toileting - goes into bathroom backwards with his rollator through the door - holds on to towel bars - changes his own depends and worst of all spends some evenings most of the night in bathroom meaning once in there he could be in there for up to five hours.
Since I am his caregiver and we both live in the same house (yes thank God I have my own bathroom). I told him this evening at 9:00 pm his aide for his sponge bath is coming tomorrow am early and you should get to bed early. I also need my rest too with everything I do during day.
I said don’t stay in there all night. Which could mean till sometime around 1:30 pm or later and then he wakes me up asking me where he should go? He needs assistance with his blanket - sleeps in recliner - needs water - pain med etc.
He starts to argue with me telling me it takes him time - says he has arthritis in his fingers. I said yes but that shouldn’t keep you in there for 4+!hours some evenings. He says only happened once. No he has done it several times during the last few months. He stays in there so long one night he got weak and I thought he would collapse.
I’m in bed now- he’s been in there almost 1 and 1/2 hours and I’m just going to let him stay for as long as he wants.
Anyone else deal with bathroom dwellers?

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Dad is overwhelmed or confused by some aspect of this task. He’s not capable of effectively doing this on his own anymore. No use arguing with him, he’s likely embarrassed or defensive about it. His independence is going away. A new plan for this is needed
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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At 100, and this self caring?
I don't care WHICH room he spends his time in; I would be fine with this.
I have ONE CONCERN here. That is his grabbing towel bars.
Time to have someone in to install good GRAB bars to hold the towels, that are well anchored in the studs. Once he falls, at 100, that will surely be the end of him.

If care, overall is becoming to absorbing and all encompassing for you, it may be time for placement. But at 100? I am hoping he can see his time out where he is comfortable, even if that is in the bathroom. Get a GOOD padded toilet seat.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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CaringWifeAZ Jan 13, 2026
Thanks for catching that, Alva!
Yes, absolutely, he should NOT be holding on to the towel bars! That is a disaster waiting to happen!
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At his age, I would say it is time to bring in an aide to assist him overnight so you can get your rest. And maybe disable the lock on the bathroom door so you or aide can just knock and open the door to check on him every 20 minutes to urge him along and see what is actually happening. I mean, maybe he’s falling asleep on the toilet? And if he doesn’t like it or yells, that’s just too bad. You still need to do it.
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Reply to ShirleyDot
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There is no reasoning with a dementia patient. Though you don't mention that he has dementia, it seems pretty obvious that he has a cognitive problem. Is he being treated for it? If not, why not?

Perhaps there are meds that could help him. Start thinking about how this is feeling to HIM - the delusions, compulsions, and so on. He needs peace - and so do you. Pursue this with his doctor.
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Reply to Fawnby
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My mother with Dementia would take longer than normal in the bathroom and miss lunch. They lose all conception of time. You may need to start helping him out.
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Reply to Evonne1954
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Have grab bars installed in the bathroom. Towel bars may fail, causing falls
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Reply to Patathome01
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Talk to his doctor(s) about this. Ask for a phone/zoom appointment or use the patient portal.

I agree with ShirleyDot about getting a night-time aide so you can get your sleep. If money is an issue, maybe that aide can take over some of the work that the daytime aide is doing, such as the sponge baths.
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Reply to MG8522
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Get a bedside commode.
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Reply to DrBenshir
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Oh, I have so many questions and speculations!

Is Dad having trouble urinating? Is it coming in small spurts, and he's afraid if he goes to bed too soon, he will just have to get up again to pee a little?

Is he constipated, having trouble with bowel movement? That is a condition which can be eased with medication and/or diet changes. More liquids and less solid food in his diet. Talk to his doctor about medications.

He could be starting to lose control and is becoming incontinent. That must be a very strange feeling for him, especially after 100 years of feeling in control of this. If he could be persuaded to wear a diaper at nights, so that he won't have to get up frequently to use the bathroom, or stay in there too long, that could help him. He may be in denial or not understand that this is happening. But I really feel that it is time to urge him to use incontinence briefs.

I'm very concerned about him sitting too long on the toilet. That will weaken his legs, and he is at risk for falling and getting hurt in the middle of the night.
He needs supervision in the bathroom! I know you don't want to spend hours in the bathroom every night, but he should have help and supervision!
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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My father, when he was 87, had a very similar practice with staying in the bathroom a lot. My dad had slowly developing Alzheimer’s. The last year of his life (died at age 88) he was still functional in some ways but very affected in others. He was under a delusion that he was urinating when he was not. He would sit on the toilet for over an hour several times per day. He began doing it at night too. My mom would confront him directly and say you are not urinating….even put toilet tissue below him to show him it was dry with no urine, but he could not be convinced. With his decreased mobility, sitting on the toilet for long periods began causing his legs to fall asleep and he would collapse when he tried to stand. We then had to call EMS to get him up and to bed. He was a large man. Eventually, he was not able to get out of the bed, but still believed he was urinating for long periods of time.

You might get his prostate checked as that can cause a full sensation and urge to pee. There are meds to help the flow. Daddy took those meds, but it didn’t help the delusion.

Also check for UTI. It can cause false urgency sensation.

Can you check to see if it’s a delusion? If so, it’s difficult to manage. We started locking the bathroom doors and accompanying daddy to the bathroom each time, but it didn’t matter because he insisted on staying on the toilet for an hour. It was quite frustrating and caused much stress in the home. I hope you find some solution that works for your situation.
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Reply to Sunnygirl1
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