Hi All

This is my 1st post

My Dad is 79 was in hospital for 5 month now they have put him in a nursing home.

They say he's not long left and each time we visit he's deteriorated and more confused. He stares a lot and points and plays with his fingers.

He said the other day he's tired because he went fishing walked there and back (he is bed ridden).

He has lost half is body weight, no appetite. He will maybe eat a couple of mouthfuls in a day, some days nothing at all. He drinks very little.

He now has a pad on because he kept wetting the bed.

Can anyone advise me on maybe how long he has to suffer like this?

I know it's difficult to say but has anyone had the same with their loved ones? ?He really has no idea what day it is and 6 months ago he was the carer for my Mum who sadly passed away in July.

So sorry for you. With my Mom it took about two weeks. One day she closed her eyes and never opened them again. After about a week she didn't want to get out of bed. She seemed to respond to the staff but just didn't open her eyes or talk. She was put on Hospice a week before her passing. At that point she refused food and water. Her body was shutting down. The family went to see her to say goodbye. I took my nephew to see her. Told him to tell her goodbye and we left. She passed 20 min later.

Tell Dad its OK to go. Make sure everyone comes to say goodbye. Not see you later, goodbye. The nurse asked me if my nephew was the last person that needed to see Mom. I said yes and she worried about him. She said she sees this all the time, once they hear that person they are waiting for, they pass. Even if its by telephone.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to JoAnn29

I'm really sorry for everything you've all gone through this year.

Two things to concentrate on. If your father is not in pain, and not frightened, you are doing well. That's about as much as we can any of us hope for when we're nearing the end of our lives.

But then there is how you're feeling too, and that's equally important. Do you have other people around you?
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Countrymouse

How is your dad? Thank you for coming back and giving more information. Perhaps where your dad is, end of life care is similar to hospice care in the US?
When the nurse said that your dad was very sleepy, did she indicate he was calmer now, more at peace?
We are all here for you and have you in mind. I’m glad you are in contact with your dad’s caretakers. He’s been through a lot. I am glad that he is resting. I hope the fish are biting today and the journey is easy. Take care.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to 97yroldmom

BAEA159, are you able to visit your father? Your posts sound like you are not able to see or visit him—maybe he is in another country? It sounds like all your information on him is second hand.

Can you call the facility where he is? I think this would be your best bet to find out exactly how he is and what’s happening with him. Talk to the nurse in charge or even his doctor.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Ahmijoy
BAEAI59 Dec 24, 2018
Yes i see him every day just wanted other views that might have been in this situation regarding his condition
We know hes not long left we have been told that
Every time we see him he looks worse and more confused
He now sleeps a lot and is very weak
Its awful to see jut dont know how he is carrying on like this
You don't say what his ailment is? It is really difficult to predict when someone will pass, even doctors don't have that Crystal ball. My mom stopped eating and drinking and it still took 7 days before she passed. So sorry you are going through this, it is so difficult.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Grammyteacher

You sat "they" put him in nursing home. Who is they?

Has he been evaluated for hospice? Who is his POA? Is he competent?

Sorry for all the questions.

I am so sorry for the loss of your mom.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to gladimhere

Has your dad been placed on hospice?
Hospice would give your dad a bit more care and give you more information.

While your dad has lost weight and appears to be hallucinating and the fact that he isn’t eating or drinking is not good I’m not sure that’s a sure sign he is actively dying. Many people who spend a long time in the hospital develop a hospital psychosis, lose weight, become incontinent, stop eating and yet make a full recovery. I’m not saying that is the case with your father. I have no way of knowing that and I’m not a medical professional.

Why was your father in the hospital to begin with? His condition does sound dire.

I am sorry for the loss of your mom in July. Your family has been through a lot this year.
I’m sure you are all very tired. Take care.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to 97yroldmom
BAEAI59 Dec 22, 2018
Dad went into hospital in Aug to have part of his Bowel removed due to a large cancer
When he went into hospital he weighed 15 half stone he now weighs less than 8 stone
we have been told he is having end of life care
he is deteriorating daily
I have only half an hour ago had a phone call from the nursing home telling me my Dad is very sleepy had no food or drink and refused medication told me he is very very poorly

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