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We feel what works for us is to structure your time as the parent and help
(reinforce) your loved one to participate on project through the structure.
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Team work,. team work, team work. It takes away the insecurity or the feeling of mistakes. Show her how you would like to have things done and have her do the chore with you. Whenever you are not around she may remember how it's done and do it without any prompting. You can have a calendar made with days on which certain chores will be performed. Repetition brings reinforcement. After the two of you have done things together, over and over, time and time again, she will be able to do it naturally by herself. She won't wait until you tell her, the calendar will be some guidance for her even when you're away.
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I find Mom will do any thing I ask her, she just doesn't think to do it on her own. So I ask her if she will set the table for me, feather dust the living room while I sweep and vacuum. Routines work best, she does her own laundry every Monday and will often start setting the table while I'm cooking. On days my sister can't come over and get her lunch, I remind her she's on her own today and what's in the frig for lunch.

They will never be independent again, but encouraging her to help you will make her feel useful and hopefully give her more confidence. Best Wishes!
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You just have to "settle" for things not being tidy if she isn't doing it and you don't want to do it. Maybe set aside a particular day that you can have her get involved with the cleaning, such as, helping with the laundry, sorting to wash them, folding them after they are dry. I have my Mom peel and cut up veggies to put in containers for the week. She usually ends up doing more on her own, like sweeping the kitchen or even washing a few dishes. Don't push her, allow her to do what she wants and is ABLE to do.
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I guess I don't see a problem with OCCASIONALLY cleaning for your mother. If she's needing constant assistance with that though, then hire a cleaning lady for her. Having a housekeeper come in a few days a week wouldn't make me feel like I wasn't 'independent', just rather not do it myself anymore.
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My mother is also 80 and lives with me, she also gave up all responsibility to me. She is suffering with dementia and is very fearful of doing the wrong thing. I found that asking her to fold my laundry makes her feel useful and she can't make any major mistakes so she is calm, also taking care of her own room helps. I have accepted the fact that she is doing her best and it's her fear that prevents her from being more independent, but she always says thank you so I have no complaints.
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