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My father has stage 7 alzheimers and mom is unable to walk, so she is wheelchair bound, I am the caregiver of mom and dad, and my 17 year old son, my daughter 26 , her husband, and my two grandbabies, 9 and 7. I have been having health problems one right after another, but I keep on going. I have a twin sister who lives 5 minutes away whom won't help, a brother about 1/2 hour away who doesn't even come by. I am emotionally drained, and now physically. My dad's doctor want hospice to come out for him, but my mom is stubborn and thinks he doesn't need it. All she does is yell at him everyday and confuses him. I was a medical assistant up until dad was diagnoses 6 years ago. I have no one to talk to, Any suggestions? Laura

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Your doctor is right about hospice. Also, it seems to me with your own health failing, it's time - really, past time - for you to think about a nursing home for your mom. You can only do so much and it seems like you've been over the limit for quite awhile. Ask the doctor about an Alzheimer's support group, check online with the Alzheimer's Association (www.alz.org) for more support, and keep reading this forum for caregiver support. Please get help soon.
Carol
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twinlaura, you do need help. In your shoes I would tell your mother you needed to call in Hospice. It may be that your father needs to be in a facility and it will be nice to have a team on your side in making the decisions. It sounds like your father's doctor is already on your side.

When you have a dominant mother, it is often easier to take things in small steps that they can accept. I would get Hospice involved right away, then take other steps as your new team deems necessary. That will give you time for your son. He may push you away, but that is normal for boys his age becoming men. I hope some of our male members will have advice for you on how to help guide a boy his age to keep him from getting into more trouble.

Fingers crossed that court goes well. My good thoughts are coming your way.
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thank you jessiebelle, i actually am starting to feel better when someone listens, or read what I have to say. The only problem with me calling hospice is that my mother says she has the authority and only choice of when to get hospice involved. I have enough medical knowledge to know when my life is in danger, tuesday had to go to hospital for chest pains, 3rd episode, I have to start thinking and taking care of myself and son. My other 4 kids are on their own, but the 17 year old, I pray, I did the right thing at the right time, I hope I am not too late for him. Thank you for the good thoughts.. laura
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Wow you do have your hands full. I know exactly how you feel. I also have a twin. If you look closely to my avatar picture my twin and I are to the left of my mother. She has a fulltime job and use to make time for mom when our mother was on her own in a little apartment. But since her fall in July and the diagnoses of progressive dementia I have been left the responsibility of caregiving 24/7. She goes shopping on her days off. I would love to have a day off. Her visits are maybe 2 times every other month. The other sister lives 40 mins away and comes less often. I come from a large family...Mom was 42 years old when she gave birth to my sister and I. All my other brothers and sisters live further away. My mom doesn't recognize me anymore as her daughter..only her caregiver/slave. I hear lots of bragging about Donna (my twin) and how pretty and smart she is...but when I tell mom that she is my twin, mom gives me a strange look. It's so hard to keep up the pleasantries anymore...when I'm desperately crying inside.
If you can..get Hospice. They are wonderful and I feel so blessed to have them. I am sure your mom will see this when they do finally come. Good luck and God bless. Your reward is waiting in heaven.
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missdaisy, it is weird to find others in the same boat that I am. Relatives that won't help because they are to busy, or they know u will end up doing it.....it sucks...
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twinlaura, I agree with Carol. It sounds like your mother is making health care decisions for your father, but is unable to follow through with her decisions. This means it probably all falls on you. Since your father is at a late stage, your doctor's recommendation to call in Hospice sounds like a good one. They can help you a lot.

I sympathize with your mother. Change is difficult for older people. Having people you don't know coming into your home is difficult. Tell her that soon these strangers will be friends and they'll help you be able to keep your father at home for longer. Maybe you'll be able to get her on board.

Is your mother still healthy other than being wheelchair bound? Does she take care of herself or help with your father? I know that healthy people in wheelchairs can be hard workers. Tell us a bit more about your mother.

I am most concerned about you and your son. I know he is starting to get out, but a boy that age still needs his mother even if he doesn't think so. How does your husband feel about all of this? He probably misses his wife.

You have a lot on you right now and need to find a way to share the burden. Hospice sounds like a very good choice to me. It would allow your mother and father to stay together and take some of the burden off your shoulders. Bless you for caring like you do.
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Laura, Hospice is a wonderful help for someone at end-of-life and their caregivers. Tell your mother that whether Dad needs it or not, you do. In your situation I wonder whether moving your father to a Hospice House might be appropriate. But at the very least, get them involved in his care at home.

What level of care does your mother require?

If your health gave out completely and you needed care yourself, how would your parents get by? Would Dad need to be moved out of the house? Would Mom need in-home help? How much, and what kind? Or would Mom need to be where she could have 24/7 care? Think this through very carefully, and then take the necessary steps to get that care in place, to help prevent your total health failure!

I know that it must seem you have no choice and that your caregiving is absolutely required by your parents. But if something happened to you there would be others ways their needs would be met. Start that ball rolling now.
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thank you for everyone caring, I am divorced so there is no husband in the picture, as far as my mother,she is very dependable on me, she is diabetic, can not walk to the toilet, or wash her self, so, you can imagine what all I have to do. She is very miserable and blames me for everything that goes wrong. She doesn't see I do this out of love, but that I owe her for raising me. as far as my son, due to me spending so much time with caretaking my parents, he has turned to hanging with the wrong crowd and smoking marijuanna. I had him arrested for domestic violence against me and I told the police he has marijuanna in the house. they found it and his equipment for it, and now has 3 charges we have to go to court for on the 10th. He is a good kid, but he needed his mother and I was not available due to caregiving. It never stops..
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