Anyone else find themselves emotionally numb coping with parent's dementia/Alzheimers?

Squint, I just want to say, "Good for you!", for being on this forum and educating yourself. I wish my mother had even a fraction of your attitude. I am doubly impressed that someone from your generation is actively using a computer, much less searching out information on it. I know a few 80+ year olds that can use a computer for email, but that is about the extent of it. Perhaps with your active mind, you will never develop or experience dementia/Alzheimer's.

StChaos, I agree with you so much on how helpful this site is. I became suicidal in June because I couldn't handle caring for 2 bedridden parents forever. I've been secondary caregiver (father being primary) for mom 23 years (last year.) Then father had a stroke last year, and now I do both. With 7 siblings, only 1 sis stepped up to help "babysit" Mon-Friday while I work. I came on this site in June and posted for help. And I got it. I've learned to accept a lot of things (siblings have a right NOT to help with the parents, etc...). I have been on this site daily since then. Learning as much as I can thru the experiences of everyone who posts.

So, StChaos, when you came on and thanked those and this site for helping you, I totally agree with you! This is a give-and-take site. We all learn from one another - validates what we are going through, and what we will be eventually be going through. How we can handle certain situations. And I will be forever grateful that my reaction to father's beginning Poopy Stage is NORMAL!! I thought I must have had some kind of childhood trauma because when his poop is NOT in the pampers where it should be - I literally froze and wanted to walk out of their lives. Cleaned the mess and then did my crying fit afterwards. Stuff like this is soooo helpful for those of us entering each New Stage of the Dementia disease. We thank you also!

It is typical of people suffering from dementia to think people are stealing from them and they also move things around to hide them from people "stealing their things" and then forget they did it. It's difficult to not want to prove things but they don't even know what the proof (i.e. court documents) really mean. It's just part of the disease. It is very much a challenging ordeal and I commend all who are doing it for family members. I did it PT for a lovely woman (when not in dementia mode) and we became close before she went into a full care facility. There are options to doing it all yourself and you are being kind to her and to you when you are rested!

StChoas...It is dementia and not your mom. Just keep that in mind all the time. Because it will tear you up inside and make you resent her if you think it's all her. She is losing all reasoning and slowly her brain is deteriorating. She needs you so take care of yourself too..look into the Agencies in your area for Elderly. Some based on the income might be able to give you support. Good luck and God Bless.

Kukla77 its definitely dementia but what kind of meds is she on? Some of the meds could be causing her to have more delusions, or dreams that might intensify the symptoms. Mom was on Trazadone and ambiem at night...made a very rough night for us. She is 91 with arthritic knees and can't walk without assistance. She would get up every hour of the night thinking she could walk and nothing was wrong with her. The meds never took her down..just made her almost in a stooper like she was drunk. I took her off those meds and now just give her haloperidol drops (anti phsycotic meds) and one advil pm. She sleeps like a baby. Mom accused me of moving or taking things too. She would go from a sweet calm mood to almost a combative aggravated mood. Don't ever take it personal..it's all the disease. The brains starts to die at the end of the disease she will have lost almost 2lbs of her brain. It's so sad to see our loved ones go through this..and it's even harder on us as the caregiver. So remember to take care of you too. God Bless...prayer is where we can draw our strength.

This forum is a GODSEND...Mom is 99 and though we've no official diagnosis, we know it's dementia...I am her primary caregiver even tho she lives in an assisted living facility. I was there 5-6 days a week if she needed something...putting my husband and family on the back burner...Dad passed in 2002 and I've been there every since..We were always close ..taking her on our vacations, family dinners wherever...normal family stuff. Two years ago she accused me of stealing the house we bought from her...it took me all day at courthouse to find the legal papers to show her...of course (that's not her signature)....then accusations that I wrote checks to other family members and signed her name...it hurts so bad and to think I've sacrificed time with my family to cater to her every wish and whim...the latest has been verbal abuse where she accused me of going to her room and rummaging through her drawers "What do you want from me, you alreadt have everything of mine!"...Needless to say, I DID NOT go to her room...but she's been experiencing things missing for the past 3-4 years....she says it's the workers and when we find the things she says were missing she says..."Oh, they brought them back!"....things from 'underwear to back scratches'....it's disheartning to see someone you love change personalities...I've kept my distance for my own sanity...sought help from therapists...and have now turned to prayer...I tend to Mom now realizing she is NOT the same woman I've loved but even though she needs me to help her....I need her in my life MORE...so I'm there for her....and she doesn't remember the accusations and things are at least for now, civil...I keep things light and we just go day by day....I've written several letters to her doctor explaining her hallucinations, accusations, verbal abuse and still no official diagnosis...just more meds...hang in there ....you are not alone

There is help out there, to give you a relief even if it's just an hour. Take advantage of it. If not your going to get so depressed that you won't be any good to you mother or anyone. I've been there and am just coming out of it. Hugs take care

I don't know if my mom has dementia or not , to be honest I am afraid even to find out but this site has brought to light and has made me wonder if that's whats going on with my mom , she constantly tells me things that she has said stuff to me and makes me doubt myself , if I did or I haven't said these things and in turn gets mad that I didn't do what she wanted me to do , so as you stated I do get that way sometimes , and as the last responder stated ,I am also very thankful for these forums, so dont feel alone with this questions , God bless you all !!

I'm 87 and haven't experienced any of the painful dilemmas i read about in this forum. But I read faithfully to prepare myself for whatever comes my way. It is a great and valuable forum. Thanks, everyone!