Anyone else find themselves emotionally numb coping with parent's dementia/Alzheimers?

Boy, in my short experience with this insidious disease that has stolen my husband, I can relate to so much of what is written here. It helps to verbalize our emotions whether good or bad. It is so sad that so many of you have siblings who are not willing to step up to the plate. My husband is 17 years older than I am. His sons are several states away and haven't had much contact with their Dad for several years. I did call the one son who at least did call once in a while to tell him the latest turn of events which happened suddenly on Christmas Day. Although he did call me, he didn't offer anything which I didn't expect. I am alone here in a new area (just moved here 9 months ago) with no family and no real friends to speak of. I know people from church who offer prayers and a listening ear, but they can't take this on for me. I know that. I am glad there are places like this to vent and share and hopefully learn something which will ease my fear. Having spent many years in the business world, I am used to dealing with logic and reason, analyzing a situation, weighing the possibilities and implementing the right course of action. Somehow none of that seems to apply here. I am in contact with agencies which offer help, but it's so hard waiting for answers, not knowing what to do next. My screen name says it all..."Scared".

i would suggest a couple of things from my caregiving experience. do not lie to the patient for the sake of quelling disagreement. they will eventually realize that your patronizing them and you will lose trust. you can go along with them and downplay things and still stop short of lying. also let them remain in control. they are very worldly wise old timers and as such dont want to be treated like kids.. these seem like small things but they can be the difference between trust and combativeness.. if a late stage dementia patient wholeheartedly trusts you , congratulations, its trust that youve earned..

Anhedonia is a Greek word which means emotional numbness, loss of joy, etc. There are many articles on it if you do a Google search. Good Luck

I can totally relate to the numb feelings. I shut down when my Mom had a breakdown and was placed in memory care because I had to be strong for my mom and sis and family. I have been the "mom" to my mom or a decade, covering for her, telling her we all have memory problems, etc. I handled her finances, shopping, etc and tried to talk to her about moving to assisted living. She hung up on me and told me to never bring it up again. I finally did an intervention with her doc and got her an appt with neurologist and before the appt she called police claiming she had been robbed by my 12 yr old niece . There was no going back, her hallucinations were out of control and she was in danger. She was admitted to geriatric psych (against her will) and then to memory care. I tell you I don't feel a thing and haven't for years. I look upon her as a kindly, frail old lady who accuses me of stealing from her and holding her hostage. She has spit on me and cussed me and I have cried a little at a time, mainly in the privacy of my car on the way to and from her memory care center. You have heard AD referred to as the "long goodbye". I have grieved a little every step of the way on this horrible downhill slide. I have put on weight and lost friends and my job(mom would call me ten times in an hour saying she needed me to bring her lunch). My life has been taking care of my mom and I have been blessed to do so, however I wish I had forced her to go to AL and hadn't tried to do it all myself. Grieve at your own pace and I agree 100% take care of yourself at all costs. Bless you!!! Hugs!!!

I would like to recommend the book, "Loving Someone Who Has Dementia" by Pauline Boss. It isn't a practical how-to guide for day-to-day caring, but it addresses the emotional issues of losing a loved one one memory at a time, bit by bit. She talks about the ambiguous loss of having a loved one physically present but also "not there". She really gets what we go through. Reading it is a way to know you are not alone, and to validate your feelings, and perhaps to see some different ways to cope.

If you do decide to read it, I'd be interested if you find it useful, too.

Thank you soooo much...I will check into getting this book....at this point anything will help. Lately, Mom has become her 'normal' self...I don't know how long it will last, but I'm enjoying every minute. Would love to find a support group in my area...but don't know how to go about doing this. Thank you again for your help.

Chicken Soup for the care givers soul is a good one to read also. My mom just lost her battle last week and I'm lost and exhausted. And OH, do I miss her!!!!

Hi Rusty, I didn't even know they had a Chicken Soup book for caregivers. Thanks for the info. I'm sorry about your mom. HUGS!!! to you.

Check with the Area of Aging and Disabilities in your city. They will have resources for groups on caregiving and coping. They were very helpful with me and might have some respite opportunities for you. God bless