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I hope I can articulate what I'm trying to convey. Quick rundown: I live in Texas; I'm caring for my husband (Bill) who is 72; I'm 63; Bill was diagnosed with dementia in June 2010 and has just entered Stage 6; I work full-time to support us, but have been blessed to be able to work from home 2 days/week; Bill goes to dementia day care the other 3 days while I'm at work because he can't be left alone and needs help with most things; I'd like to keep him home with me as long as I possibly can.

OK, so here's what I'm struggling with. When I'm with Bill in the evenings, when I'm working from home and on the weekends, there will be times when he sleeps or watches TV in our master bedroom (our master is his 'world' now and he feels very secure there.) Anyway, after his needs are taken care of and he's sleeping or watching TV, I still can't just relax. I can't seem to disconnect mentally or emotionally from being overwhelmed with caring for him - even when I know he's O.K. for a while. It would be a perfect time for me to move on to personal interests (not just housework, cooking, etc.) I can do it to some degree when I'm working at my job because I have so much to do. I think I feel so vested in his care that it's difficult for me to let go for a while. I've often wondered if someone came over to be with Bill so I could go do something for myself, if I would even be able to enjoy myself and temporarily disconnect my thoughts and emotions from his care. As I read this, it almost sounds like a control thing. I'm not really sure, but I was wondering if anyone else can relate? I think this is one of the reasons caregivers burn out - it's not only the physical work that wears us out, but the emotional and mental investment as well.

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I experience this, just didn't know what to call it, a friend of my husbands took him out Monday evening to go to a VFW meeting & get a bite to eat. My mind was racing with all that I wanted to do or get done, after all the prep of getting him ready to go, he left & I just felt like a damp dish towel with absouloutly not an ounce of get up & go, I laid my head back on the couch & that is where I stayed, just could not disconnect.
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I understand how hard this must be for you, but I do have a suggestion....get a baby monitor you can put in the master bedroom and you have the one with you in other parts of the house. You will know when he is awake. Or you can install a nanny cam so you can check him from your computer. I hope this helps you, and many blessings to you!!
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I have no idea if it would help, but have you tried prayer - turning him over to your higher power? "God, would you please watch over my husband for the next hour?" It's an active thing to try.

I wish you the best - I will be in your shoes in a few years, I guess.
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hell i understand this issue. ive been able to get out and work 2-3 days a week this summer but my mothers condition and prognosis still concern me even tho shes with my sister and safe. im responsible for a rather helpless human being and when everything is fine your still on edge with anticipation. ESPECIALLY when dementia is the issue. anything can happen and things are not going to improve, only get worse. yes, its hard on you and the responsibility is ever present.
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