My mother has been mentally and emotionally abusive to me since I was an adolescent. At 57, she retired even though she didn't have the resources to do so, stating that she would live with her children. I told her flat out that she would under no circumstances be supported by me. She has slandered me to our entire family, and continues to tell them that we are close, even though I describe our relationship as "borderline estranged". Last Christmas she asked me to start paying her rent (forever). When I refused she brought up filial responsibility laws, and my aunt has since revealed that my mother intends to sue me for financial support if I don't give in to her demands. In her 14 years of retirement, my mother has spent 10s of thousands on vacations. Last fall she a) moved into a new apartment for which rent is 2X what she paid before, and b) got in credit card debt during a trip to Italy (we live in Canada). At Christmas Eve dinner just days after I refused to support her, she spent 30 minutes telling stories meant to humiliate and demean me. It was so obvious that people who have no idea what's going on actually got up and left the room. How do I deal with this? I don't want to support her. I can't afford it, and the thought that her plan to abuse me financially will succeed makes me so angry. Does anyone have any suggestions? It would be very hard to cut her out of my life completely (I've considered this many many times before) because I do want to stay in contact with some other family members.
It is a fantastic idea to speak to an attorney though, I'll look into that.
And why would an attorney take your mother on as a client given how she squandered her money? Did your aunt tell you your mother has already consulted with an attorney? Does this aunt approve of your mother's shenanigans?
I am in Canada too, and haven't faced that though have faced intimidation of one sort or another. Basically it is bullying and you have to stand up to it.
Do let us know what you find out. Good luck and blessings.
If you lived close the US you could just move across the border. :)
The money in her nest egg is money she got in the divorce. It was from money my father invested. She almost always refused to contribute to family finances even when she was working because she believed it was my father's responsibility.
She seems to very seriously believe that she is entitled to this, which is what makes me so nervous. I will look into what exactly the laws are in the province she lives in. Hopefully they are fairly strict and she isn't willing to risk getting herself into such a state that I would be legally required to provide anything.
Anna, just say no. Tell her your responsibility is to keep yourself going and your own bills paid. Maybe your mother could set up a Gofundme page?
She does receive something from the Canada Pension Plan, and from 2 other pension plans, but they are all small amounts. My understanding is that she just misses qualify for rental assistance from the provincial government. She worked before she was married, then after my sister and I were about 7-8 until she retired, but she never made very much money and didn't save anything.
The filial support laws in our home province state that an adult child must pay if the parent is *in need*; they don't really define what that is. My aunt seems to think this is a real possibility, and I fear my mother has been planning this for years. I think she has blown through her "nest egg" on trips and now has very little in the bank. I fear that she will get herself into serious credit card debt and then she really will be "in need".
If you are under her roof, time to go out on your own. And the next time there is a family gathering and Mom starts in on you, just stand up, say "Mother, that is not true", say nothing else, and walk out of the room. That way you have control.
And the suing to make you support her is just hot air trying to scare you. I doubt any attorney would waste time on such a case. Especially since it was your mother's choice to retire early at 57. Plus a parent must be impoverished. Renting a more expensive apartment and taking a trip to Italy doesn't sound like she is impoverished at all.
Like here in the States, it can vary from State to State.... similar, it could vary from province to province.