GM All - I have been a caretaker for my 93 yr old mother for the past 7 plus years. My mother is the only immediate family member I have now. My dad, and 2 sisters have already passed within the past 8 yrs. My care-taking days actually started 10 yrs ago when my sister was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Then my dad fell ill and died of a broken heart after my sister died, then her husband died of colon cancer and then my other sister died a few years later of terrible health problems due to alcoholism. So for a decade, it has been caring for those who died. And now my mother is diagnosed with stage 4 chf and is not doing well. Every day is up and down. But I don’t see her lasting a year at this point.
My point is is that I feel I am developing PTSD from it all and I haven’t been sleeping. The cloud of death is hanging over me everyday - as it has for the passed 10 yrs. I have a good concept of death, as I have done a lot of soul-searching throughout the years and I believe we never die. We simply transition to life beyond this realm. But it is the act of dying that I am having a difficult time with for my mother. I feel this is going to be “the long goodbye” and it is starting to affect me. A year doesn’t seem like a long time, but it’s every day for this year that will be the most difficult for me to handle when it’s broken down.
My husband and daughter are very supportive. So I have support. And I am working on the care for my mother too so she has support outside of me.
I wish I could look at life again through different lenses. It’s been a long 10 yrs of saying goodbye to everyone. I really want to help my mother on her journey, but it is taking so much out of me. Going away for a few days may help, but then I’m back in the thick of things again. My mind and heart are so weary.