Follow
Share

What can I do about a buxom 76 year-old mother who wears tight Spandex shorts, wears T-shirts with no bra and plays handball with the 'hoods during Summer?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Be happy that your mom is alive and having fun in her later years...and OMG being able to play sports. A blessing! Many of us no longer have our mother's. So long as she has her right mind...let her do what she wants...it is her life! Why not embrace her new change and get involved in helping her find cool clothes and things that bring joy to her life. You will be glad you did! Just because we age is no reason we have to go around in old frumpy looking clothes. Hey..today's Senior--just wants to have fun! I enjoyed your post. Blessings to you and your sweet mom!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Hi there,

For a 76 woman, I am really impressed that she can still run around and have fun and I am also impressed that she does not just sit around and vegetate and go into senility.

Look at some of the letters we receive of how more mature people have all kinds of illness and are so dependant on their family. From where I stand, your only problem is - coping with the change that has taken place with your Mom. Perhaps you should try to sit her down and find out why her views have changed and what are the reasons for it.

I feel that effective communication, notice, I said communication not a monologue, is the best way to resolve any issues. Find out what brought on the change and you may just have found the solution to it.

Alas, count your blessings.
God Bless
aew2004
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Daddy's Baby Girl:

Yes my friend, the muffin has been hanging out the oven. The trip to Victoria's Secret early this afternoon was a hit, and she did get a few things to keep her belongings from jiggling so much. The video, however, almost made her drop her dentures. Twice she said "Oh my God! I look like a Jersey cow!" My sister Martha, who usually eats her emotions and is quite chunky herself, said "I'd rather die than wear something like that. ... You look desperate." Joe, my son, said "Don't hate titi (auntie), don't hate. ... She's got it going on."

Well, I agree with him. She's still fairly attractive at 76 but the clothes don't leave much to a man's imagination. Tomorrow evening I'm taking her to El Nuevo Caridad Restaurant on East 116th St. in Manhattan and then to a club in the South Bronx where she can mingle with Latino men and then ... who knows? Her handball partners might happen to be there. She's pretty light on her feet and dances up a storm, and I don't think I'll be able to keep up. But I'm sure someone else will.

Thanks for your support, especially your ideas.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I used to be so ashamed of mom and dad. When I was a teen. Every time we went somewhere They would do or say something that I thought was awful. And when I got holder my mom did not bother me too much but my son stopped going out in public with her. Well my dad died and mom is has alz's. So she is gone really too. So I agree with Ed. I know what you are dealing with. But if she is not in danger and is healthy leave her be. I would still tell her to wear a bra. Tell her what you think and how she looks that is all you can do.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Hi again--I'm 70-I ware jeans, (favorite are Levi's) size 4, I like em tight !!!
Also ware sweatshirts, great here in Michigan.
I'm thin-5ft. 3in and weigh 110.
Gravity has set in--boobs hang low-don't ware a bra either!!
rear has fallen and we don't want to talk about miss va-j-j-way too funny.
Face is wrinkled, dye my hair, one good thing tho--don't shave anything-hair don't grow in old dirt.
I set up a date with my Daughter to aid me in buying a new wardrobe, she said--I don't want you to change, I love you as you are.
I don't show any of my sagging, drying, wrinkled body, if your Mom is active, maybe she doesn't have these problems so let her have her fun.
Maybe I should go play ball with her and firm up.
Live and let live.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I would let someone else tell her how inappropate she is and just not be near her when she displays her wares and if someone mentions it to you just say oh really why are you telling me this -maybe she is going through a phase sooner or later one of her real friends will educate her most likly and hope for a snowstorm.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Ed,
Count your blessings! Most of the folks I chat with on this site would gladly trade their dementia diseased, chronically ill, and sometimes outright mean mothers or in-laws for an independent but involved person that your mom appears to be. And if you ever got sick and needed a caregiver, I bet I know who would be first at your bedside and wouldn't be the least surprised if a few of her "hoods" tagged along to help her with the heavy lifting.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I didnt read any of the responses before i answered. I just read them now. I see what you mean by hoody now. I would say take up a hobby together, or at least get her interested in something else. Take lots of pictures of her for "memories" but make sure you leave them laying around so she knows what she looks like. seeing a picture or video of yourself is very differn't than looking in a mirror. Also, i still sugguest the shopping and showing her differnent clothes. as far as her friends, you said you hadn't seen them since that day, but make sure the next people she hangs out with aren't like that. introduce her to your frineds parents or get her going to a weekly activity to meet others. have BBQ's or potlucks with friends and family to make sure shes entertained and having fun but in a responsible way. does your mother smoke or drink? You said her friends got caught doing that. If she does, either encourage her not to and help her find other outlets if you dont want her to, or if you dont care that she does but dont want her doing it with those people, make sure shes doing it with you responsibly or with people you know and trust. make sure shes not out trying to run around the streets getting in trouble but let her be free and have a good time. good for her for being 75 and active and not sitting around all the time wasting the rest of her life. If she doesn't smoke or drink but hangs with people who do, find people who dont for her to hang out with. you dont have to babysit her but it sounds like you care enough to want to help so you cant just complain and not do anything about it. if your going to complain you have to try and help and it sounds like you want to but just know its a process and takes time. there should also be more comppormising on your end that hers, after all it is her life, and she has made it this far already and seems to have raised you and done a very good job becuase it seems like you have a good head on your sholders, so maybe put some trust in her that she is just having fun and being herself and will make smart decisions. just becuase your uncomfortable doesnt mean she should be. everyone has there own opintions and who knows, the apple doesnt fall far from the tree, maybe youll be like her at 75 also. you did say you grew up conservitive, that leads me to believe she wasn't always this way. people change and go through phases. maybe you'll put on some shorts here soon too! :) But if the muffin is hangin out of the oven, time to hit the stores. there are plenty of clothes out there that will make her look "sexy" if thats what she is going for without making her look fat. wearing sizes too small make her loook bigger, not smaller, make sure she knows that. hope you find something that helps. but just dont forget, as long as she is happy and not hurting anyone, is there anything wrong? :)
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

As long as she's not dealing dope, pimping or prostituting, what's the harm, except to your own sense of propriety!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Be supportive, encouraging of the positive things she does and dont ever talk down to her or make her feel uncomfortable for wearing that. If she was a 45 year old i'd tell you to take her on a shopping spree and burn her current clothes asap. But your mother is a 75 year old lady who has lived a long life and can wear what she wants and be as comfortable as she want to be. If she is comfortable enoguh if herself and happy with herself, you shouldn't let your own opintions or discomfort stop your mother from being able to do as she pleases. If shes not hurting anyone else then let her just be who she wants to be. Bra's aren't comfortable when your olderly. You may be able to sugguest she try new things, take her on a "mom and daughter day". go shopping and pick out some cute outfits you can noth agree on she can wear. if you dont like her playing handball withthe 'hoods, even though im not sure i get exactly what you mean by hoods, why dont you find an activity you can both partake it together? Join a weekly class of some sort or pick a day of the week to work on a hobbie you both enjoy. telling her she is wrong or needs to change isn't going to do anything. the only way you will see any change is by doing differn't things and exploring new options. its hard to give up something you have/do without being able to replace it with something else. Espesially when your older and have been set in your ways for so long. it may be a slow process getting her out of the spandex shorts, but really who are they hurting? unless you live in cold weather and she is risking getting sick by wearing them, dont let you own embarrasment of being seen with her like that affect her personal choices when there are far bigger battles to deal with. As embarrasing as it may be to be seen with her in public that like, getting weird looks from strangers in public you will never see again isn't the end of the world. even if you run into them again 2 weeks later their opintions shouldn't affect how you choose to live your life or how you think your mother should live her life. THats exactly it, her life, not yours. be there for her and help her age, but shes been through a lot in her 75 years and has seen a lot, shorts and no bra aren't the worst thing in the world! one small step may be to get her a pair of spandex pants and start from there. sugguest she try a sports bra or a undershirt instead but dont "sit her down to talk about it". do it "coinsidently" while your out shopping or spending time together where she can try something on instead of just shutting the idea out and being defensive and getting into an arguement over somethign thats not even a problem. Make her feel like she is even choosing the clothes she tries on by leading her toward certain sections and picking out options and letting her make the final decision between them. Just make sure you do everything with a positive spin and remember to choose what you really want to change about her and the reasons why. For her or for you? If she is having fun and enjoying life, is she hurting anyone? Make sure she is safe and happy and comfortable. Dont make her feel bad about herself or like your attacking her for the decisions she makes. Maybe even try playing handball with her sometime to see why she enjoys it? get her a pair of shorts that aren't spandex. try ping pong or tennis instead. tell her to join a gym's handball league so she can still play what she loves but its not with the hoods? Anyways, i dont know what else she is into or what is behind the root of why this concerns you but i just wanted to share my thoguhts from what i know. I hope this doesnt come off sounding like im trying to say that you aren't being nice enough or you are too judgemental at all because its not i dont think that in any way. I just wanted to make sure i stressed the points to be encouraging and loving and helpful, not hurtful and judging of her. At the end of the day we love our parents and only want the best for them, but in all reality what we think is "best" isn't always "best". there isn't always a "best" for someone when it comes to certain circumstances such as clothes and hobbies, just differneces. everyone has their own personal style(or lack there of) and their own hobbies and interests. As long as they aren't harmful to the person or anyone else around them and it isn't affecting anyone negativly other than just an eye sore here and there why make a fuss? My best advice is investing in a hobbie together that you both enjoy if you expect her to give up the handball so she has something to take its place; and the clothes, well, i sugguest shopping with her and remember christmas is coming up! new outfits are always nice! but be realistic, dont try and change her style, just improve it. instead of tight short spandex, try spandex pants instead, or fitted sweats. or even knee length sweat shorts. new tee shirts with undershirts built in or have her try a blouse or a v-neck instead. make sure you stick to her style, just show her new versions. tank tops under teeshirts work wonders! has she ever worn a scarf? not always just the ones to keep you warm, but the ones that are large and wrap around the neck and chest most people wear them for style, but they cover a lot if they are folded right. tell her their the new "in" and "hip" things and get her a matching shirt for her to wear it with. What kind of shoes does she wear? sneakers? flats? flip flops? if she is stictly tenny's then have her try a new flat, they make plenty with lots of support, or have her try tennis shoes that are more stylish if her current ones are mainly meant for working out. She will be less likely to wear spandex and a teeshirt with nice shoes. they just dont mix. does she get her hair done? does she wear makeup? Take a spa day! making sure she feels good abuot herself is important. even if she doesnt admit it, shorts and a teeshirt are "lazy" and "easy". maybe she feels no need to get "dressed up"(meaning normal clothes). make sure she knows her value and she is beautiful and putting on a pair of pants is just as easy as putting on shorts. there are comfortable shirts that make anyone no matter what size they are or what they look like pretty. it is just as easy and quick to dress appropriate than to be lazy. make sure she knows and knows how. anyways. hope at least some of this may help. have a good day and good luck! and just rememeber, your mom may just be a free spirit and living her life to the fullest and just enjoying her time. at the end of the day, who really cares what others think right? :)
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Way to go grandma. But I would do the camera thing and tell her often she needs a bra. But I hope at that age I can do sports. I will have a bra on.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

LOL--well you have a good sense of humer anyway--thats good!!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Naheaton:

I'll get the camera ready, and thanks for reminding me of "What Not to Wear." I used to watch it, but didn't find it interesting until now. Believe me, it'll be a scream. Especially for her.

Nance:

You are so right about not joining her. Two days ago some of her handball buddies were rolling blunts and sipping their 40 ouncers when the cops showed up. Haven't seen them since. Lucky for Mom she wasn't around the playground, otherwise, I'd have received a call from the 46th Precinct. In the meantime, I think a trip to Victoria's Secret would be worthwhile. Then we'll try tennis.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

edvierajr--I truly understand that your embarrassed, I know I would be. I would try to get her interested in something else but I wouldn't join her in that sport. Good luck.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Have you ever seen the TV show 'What not to wear'? It is so funny how people think they are wearing such cool clothes, but as soon as they see themselves on video, it's a different story. Maybe you should try video taping her playing handball sometime and play it back for her. Even if she doesn't see the problem with the clothes, you will still have the footage for all posterity to remember her when she was old but still spry.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Thanks Nance. Actually, this is something she just started doing last Summer. I was raised in a conservative fashion, so yes I am uncomfortable. Not so much by the clothes (and her being a victim of "fashion physics") but the company she keeps at the handball courts. Here in The Bronx it's quite common to see females -- both young and mature -- wearing clothing 2-3 sizes too small that make them "spill over" or sometimes explode. On the one hand, she's extremely critical of other women wearing tight clothes in public. On the other hand, it's okay for her to dress this way because she's "playing handball." Some spectators say she should act her age; others commend her for being so active and trying to squeeze in some exercise despite all those heart attacks on a plate that are so much a part of the Puerto Rican diet. I am stuck in between, mostly because this is something I've never heard or seen before. The days, however, are still fairly warm, so maybe I'll join her for a game or two while I figure out what the proper response should be.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Sounds like she's having fun.
If she isn't hurting herself or others-whats the problem?
are you just embarassed.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.