My mom has mid stage dementia. She is agitated about everything. Does this attitude come from dementia?

Dementia patients tend to be either "happy" or "angry" and this is normal. I too care for an early onset dementia patient but, she has always been a hateful person. Now, I reason with myself by thinking she cannot help this and overlook the comments. I can say that she has been an excellent motivator for caring for myself. Every time she screams or cusses me I run for a mile or so. Excellent cardio workout plus stress relief. It has helped me to cope and lose weight.

After informing moms doctor that she seemed anxious and agitated occasionally especially those times she roamed from the house on us on he prescribed CITALOPRAM 10 MG which is an anti-depressant. It seems to have worked great in that we have very few anxiety attacks anymore and zero incidents of roaming.

After informing moms doctor that she seemed anxious and agitated occasionally especially those times she roamed from the house on us on he prescribed CITALOPRAM 10 MG which is an anti-depressant. It seems to have worked great in that we have very few anxiety attacks anymore and zero incidents of roaming.

I know what you are going through. My mother is bedridden and has really mean periods. I too dread most of the time I spend with her. Once in a while we have a good day and it's a blessing. Quite frankly I feel that this is not my mother. My mother was nothing like this. I feel so bad for my stepfather because he is killing himself keeping her at home. But to him, this is what famliy does. I'm at a loss.
I help as much as I can and they have home health care but really she needs to be in a home. I think it will take something terrible happening to him to change things. I have told her I cannot take care of here alone. Dementia is a terrible thing and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I read your letter and the responses. I can identify with you and the others. You are where I was five years ago when i first noticed something was wrong with my mother, but i did not know what. All i can say is cherist these moments and spend as much time with her as possible. Remember it is the disease and not her.

My mother has been very mean and verbally and physically abusive to me all my life my older brothers and sister cannot tolerate her, so after dad died i started looking after her and hoped she would start to love me some, but things only got worse and i have just 2 days ago wrote her a letter telling her i no longer wanted to be any part of her life anymore, my nerves cannot handle it any longer 3 years was enough for me. I often wonder how do you know if she has dementia if she has always been this way but has really gotten bad bad now. I cant help but feel sorry for her, but feel strongly that she has brought this on herself.

It's frustrating I know but if you can afford it some time with a counselor might help. Our parent didn't take the Celexa, but I did. That helped, too, believe it or not. I was getting so depressed being with her.

You can always contact Adult Protective Services to evaluate your mother. There are also Geriatric Management Services available for people who live too far away from their loved one. I feel for all of you I know how painful it is!! Contact your county Aging Community Services for advice. Please don't try to go it alone, there is help out there you just have to ask questions. Do you have POA, if so go to here Dr.

I don't know what state you live in, however there should be social care available. I suggest you check with your county Aging Community Services. They are set up to help with low income people. You may also want to see an elder law attorney to protect her estate and yourself from having to pay anything back. Here in California, Medical will try to collect the money back from family members if you have placed them in a care facility after your loved one has passed. It may cost around $1,000.00 to set a trust with an elderly law attorney but I strongly suggest you see one. Also the first consultation with the attorney is free. Do you have grown children to help with care for short periods of time?? If so, enlist their help so you can get away once or twice a week for a few hours. Also siblings?? I realize that in many cases, siblings will not help, but if you have any relative...aunt, uncle, nephew, niece, or close family friends, even church members who will give you some time away don't be ashamed to ask for it. There is nothing wrong with having your mom placed in care facility when the time comes. You have everyone's support here and remember...you can't help your mom if you are over wrought with stress. Today I looked up on line for services regarding Aging Community and for Geriatric Management. Please seek out an attorney and hang strong, I know how hard it is, I am going through it for the second time with my parents!!.

My mother has behavior like this too but is also an alcoholic. I'm not sure she has dementia but she'll want my help one minute and turn on me the next without provocation whatsoever. She recently got a lawyer she says and won't talk to me at all. I'm the only living relative she has. It's crazy. I'm out of state and trying to help her but I don't have much legal recourse. So yeah, I do think, things are magnified as they get Dementia, add alcohol to that and you really have a crazy person.

My 95 yr old mom also has dementia. She is legally blind and hard of hearing. She sometimes thinks she is living in a basement with rats!!!! She says she wants to go home. She is in the same home for 35 years. She has 24/7 care as she had a slight stroke and Hospice recommended we get her the care as she has fallen several times, She gives the caregiver a hard time and says she is a mean old lady. I told the aide not to argue with her or question why she does what she does. I am a nervous wreck because I don't know what we will do when her money runs out. I certainly am in no shape to pay for her aide and my husband would never allow me to have her move in with me. I take care of everything else for her like shopping, bills, medications and anything else she would need. My nerves are shot and I don't get any support from my husband. He lost his parents when his dad was 40 and his mom was 47 so he has no sympathy for me.

It is a very tough thing to try to care for someone who is "pickling sour", as my sister says. My mom is now in the later stages of Alzheimer's disease and has had both good and bad days over these past 10 years. I understand your guilt about not want to be with your parent. But, there's a lot to be gained by being there just because you love them and want to care for them despite how they respond to that care. I have learned so much by being my mom's care-giver; especially on the very bad days (which sometimes were a result of a Urinary Tract Infection, or other sickness she couldn't communicate properly.) But, I must say that when she does have a good day, I am so very grateful for the privilege of making that memory that I will surely treasure when she is no longer around. Get support and take good care of yourself, physically, mentally, and spiritually, so you have the strength and fortitude to keep loving her unconditionally.

I understand how you feel, my mother was just the same before she went to live in a Nursing Home last month. I used to dread going to her house, because I knew it was going to be another screaming fit if I didn't do what she wanted. She also got Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (which I believe is all part of dementia) and had me doing all sorts of jobs (not taking into consideration that I was doing two jobs also). Don't feel guilty about hating the time you spend with your mother as I did too with mine. Good luck and God bless.

I understand what your going through. My mom has always been one not to trust and complain about everything. She always thought other people owed her something for nothing. She was a taker. All of that is way more intensive now. I am her full time caretaker and believe me most of the time I can't stand her. Being nearly totally blind only makes her attitude worse. My me time is early in the morning and when I have to run errands for groceries and such. When I'm running errands my son is with her. But life is mainly miserable here here.

I also am assisting my mother who has Alzheimer's/Dementia. Her normal personality is to be combative, distrustful and negative. With the dementia at the stage she is at, she is worse. I can understand your situation and my heart goes out to you. If this is not your mother's normal personality, she may benefit from antidepressants if her Dr. thinks it would help. My father passed in 2003 from this disease also so we are going through our second time around. On Monday my sister took our mother to see Dr. for a current memory test. She pitched a fit and refused and accused my sister and me of trying to "put her away and take all her money". She started a small kitchen fire a week ago by putting vicks vapor rub in a pan on the stove and she walked away from it. You might also try day care with her to give her the social outlet and it may very well improve her disposition. You are doing a great work for your mother and remember all you caregivers, get a massage, a mani/pedi and pamper yourselves when you have some time.

My mom was like that and is much better now that she is on Celexa (ssri). MUCH MUCH 100% better. I say this even though I have an abnormal distrust of big pharma. Would she consider asking or can you talk to her doctor? As to why, I think it is a combination of the worst of their personalities and the dementia.

Make sure you get enough breaks.... don't do more than you can do....

Sorry to hear of your Mom's demetia. my Mom also suffers from this terrible sickness, but I am one of the lucky ones. She is so gratedful that I have taken her to live with me, she was so afraid on her own that she would get mean, and paranoid. But as soon as I bought her home with me, it was like a switch turn off, she tries really hard to "be good" which she always is, and I keep her on a tight schedule which really helps her since her short term memory is completely gone. Also have her going to the senior center 5 days a week to keep her socialized, have to remind her everyday where she is going and for how long etc. But you never know what might happen tomorrow, she could change again. I wish you good luck, and you are not alone, even though my mom is easier then yours I also sometimes really resent her, sometimes just want my life back, same old story 9 brothers and sisters all disapeared when Mom needed help. Oh well

What a difficult, stressful situation you are in.

Your description of your mother's behavior is not unusual for dementia patients. You are not alone. It is also not universal. There are pleasant mannered persons with dementia, too. Maybe it is somewhat related to personality before dementia, but I really don't think that is always the case. Dementia does change people.

My husband (now age 85, Lewy Body Dementia) went through a period of paranoia, was sure I was stealing from him, called the sherrif (or tried to -- not very steady with the phone buttons) more than once, was mistrustful and belligerent. None of that was a magnification of his personality. Now he has accepted that he has memory and confusion problems. He is grateful for my help. Almost every restaurant we go to serves "the best meal I've ever had." He still gets jokes, and makes them himself. So, dementia personality and behavior is all over the map. And sometimes the same person exhibits different behaviors over the course of the disease.

It sounds like you are doing a great job of interactng with her, even when she is being very difficult. During the bad times, my mantra became "This is not my husband saying these things. It is the disease." I suggest you come up with your own version. The mother you love and used to like spending time with is still in there. Look for and cherish the moments when she shines through. Try very hard not to take the rest of it personally.

You and I and all caregivers of dementia patients have suffered/are suffering a real loss. Our loved one is no longer fully present, no longer the person we knew and loved. That is a sad loss. And just as sometimes people in mourning after a death have anger, so do we. Cut yourself some slack. Dreading spending time with this person she has become does not make you a flawed daughter.