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My mom has moved some of her things, so she won't be in the way. I have told her that action is not needed. But she keeps moving her things. I feel sorry for her, that she feels she needs to do this.

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Sadly, many do. Our ageist society promotes youth to the point that anyone elderly or infirm is portrayed as a burden. When people like your mother need some help - and especially if they move in with you - many will feel that they are intruding. Heartbreaking, isn't it?
Just keep letting her know that this is her home (if she's living with you). Her things are there just like everyone's, she needs them near by. Encouragement and love will go a long way. You can say that seeing her things makes you feel warm and happy because she's there with you.
Remember, too, that she may be enduring chronic pain or depression, so a visit to the doctor may be good. Getting old is tough. You sound like a caring daughter who will help the best you can.
Take care,
Carol
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thank you, I think she is also feeling like her whole world( the one she lived in with Dad and us) is coming to an end and she not quite sure how this is suppose to go. She always had everything organized and in order for us, and now she does not need to do all those things anymore. You mentioned depression, that crossed my mind as well. A lose is a lose and a grieving time is always needed, but her generation never acknowledged those emotional rocky roads. Chin up and don't let them see you cry. I think that was thier battle cry. She is a good soul, but she just seems to be lost now. Thank you Carol
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You don't say when your dad died. If that was recent what you are seeing may be simple mourning and not necessarily clinical depression. My husband died 3 months ago and I confess that I am not functioning optimally and I do things that surprise even me. I know I'll get through this, but right now it is a heavy weight on my heart.

If Dad died within the last year, try looking at a scrapbook or box of pictures with your mom and then mention how much you miss Dad, and how often you think of him. If you choke up talking about it, that is OK. This may give your mother permission to talk about her loss, or maybe she won't talk about it but it will be good to hear that other people share her grief.

Carol's advice for lots of expressions of love and encouragement is spot on.

Peace to you and to your mother,
Jeanne
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Thank you Jeanne Dad died over 5 years ago, I am glad to know other people are dealing with many of the same things. For a while I felt I was walking thru this alone but I can see I am not. I also know the world does not revolve around me, but every once in awhile I really feel alone. Thanks to you I can read your concerns and answers of support and know we are all truely in this together. I often use the answers of support in my own situation and "IT WORKS" Thank you all and we are all Blessed to have ech other and this place to keep our peace of mind. Much love to all of you LadyDi3
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My Mom only uses the 'I'm in the way' to gain pity. She's actually a hoarder, which I view as a mental illness. About once a month I have to empty out her bedroom. She wants everything she owns in her visual site, it seems. I have to move things for her safety and she gets angry about anything being moved. She doesn't even want me to rearrange furniture in the living room, in my own house. She has an end-table by her living room chair and you would not believe what she wants to keep there, in her visual site! Snacks, a salt shaker, Kleenex, fingernail polish, wash cloths - just to name a few items. It would be different if she had problems walking but she doesn't - so she could keep these items in their proper place. I'm embarrassed to invite anyone into my home. This isn't anything new - she was that type of housekeeper when I was growing up and I recall trying to clean up the house before I'd invite friends over - because she didn't.
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LadyDi3 Carol is correct.
Loss of independence is hard to get used to especially when a person was used to living with a spouse and then moved. Your home was a place to visit you, not her home to live in, it has to be quite confusing. I have realized with My Mom and others that the loss of a loved one or a dramatic life change triggers Dementia in some other elderly people.....
( not diagnosing your Mom or anyone else this is just for awareness)
I think my Mothers loss of her father triggered her to a slow spiral downhill to her memory loss and confusion. The Irony is that...with her Dementia she see's her father every day (in her mind of course and I am starting to think possibly as a spirit???) and that is her comfort and a blessing for both of us. She tells me he helps her, stands up for her, gets her things she needs, so on....
The funny thing about your question to me is.... my Mom thinks everyone else is in HER way....HER WAY OR NO WAY!!!! So I've learned to let her think she's the only boss of her. The key word is "THINKS" she thinks she's boss but can't be anymore. I think it's all up to personality, if your a person who was always a leader you'll always be a leader, if your a follower always a follower. My advise is to treat your Mom as if nothing has changed about your relationship your her daughter and you still need her, she needs you but she doesn't need to feel as if she does.
You are not alone especially here and there are many loving people on this site.
Love , smiles and music work better than anything.
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I kind of laughed when I saw the title of this post, because so many of us have had elders in need of care who feel they should be center of the universe (particularly their caregivers') and it would never even occur to them they might be a burden in any way! But it is true, many people feel less valued and that they have less right to be happy or cared for and may get depresed, or maybe feel that way because they are depressed.

I know as it gets harder to organize, you want eveything in the same place and exactly in the same place. And hoarding happens when you can't judge what is or isn't important to keep and you fear losing things. It is a way of trying to make the world seem comfortable and secure...though of course it backfires big time. My mom had a similar thing of wanting things thrown away, or at least moved away and out of sight, sometimes even nice things we had given her, cards from old friends, or artwork that grandkids did for her. We think it may have been a way of coping with problems processing things visually due to strokes in that part of the brain and she needed to keep things unclutttered and avoid anything that would cast an odd shadow or be misinterpreted and lead to anxiety or hallucination. But in either case our elders are trying to keep some degree of control over the environment and maybe some small island of stability in a world that is getting harder to comprehend and sort out.
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vstefans Wanna laugh the switched my Mom's bed from the window side to the door side. Her roommate who wanted the bed by the window was warned, the staff was warned, by "the only conscientious nurse" (she gets my mom) that My Mom wouldn't be comfortable with the new setting. Well Mom sleeps in the roomies bed, she goes in her roomies closet takes her clothes and puts them in the bed, hides her shoes, eats her candy that the roomie leaves in plains sight. .When Mom is caught in the roomie's bed the roomie tells her to get in the other bed, Mom say's "don't ever tell me what to do!" Roomie got her wish....Be careful for what you wish for!!!
Mom doesn't get mad she gets even, always has.... LOL I feel bad in a way but My Mom is fine until you mess with her. The lady is sweet but complained about every person she has roomed with. Nobody can explain why they switched beds!!!! I look at it like this now Mom's mad at her not me for messing with her!!!!
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My mom is the same I tried to move things in her room to make more room and she let me know quick to stop. They tried her with a roommate that lasted literally one day. She is by herself for now I really hope they leave her alone for awhile. The NH is low on residents now so they have empty rooms. She all of a sudden ...seriously just settled in there and now has made friends. She will be under hospice care probably within the next couple of weeks...she has most definitely become a serious creature of habit..placing her in thethe NH was so hard, but here it is almost 2 months later and I know it was the right decision for us both. I really think she thought she had been thrown away but I think she finally has realized it was in her best interest and love for her that I did it. We can enjoy each other more now and she is with her peers not alone in her apartment. She is completely wheelchair dependant and on oxygen 24/7 instead of struggling all the time..it has given her more independence instead of less...
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