My parents, (F - 87, M-81) both still have 95% of their marbles rolling around in their skulls and they both are still vertical (as my father likes to say), but WOW, they are now making HORRIBLE, unsafe choices in their everyday lives! I've seen this exact scenario play out in multiple elderly loved ones (grandmother, aunts, etc.) Is this simply the unavoidable trajectory every person takes when they reach a certain age?
Background - my sister had a MIL, who was otherwise very with it, but would NOT stop climbing on stools, ladders, chairs, etc. She fell and broke bones many, many times but kept doing this, insisting on "reaching that thing on the top shelf" or "changing that light bulb herself!" My grandmother fell multiple times the same way. My aunt fell off a stool several times and got VERY angry if anyone dared to mention taking her stool away. Now my mother recently climbed on a rickety step ladder to change a light bulb, knowing I was coming to her house a few hours later and could have done this for her! Said she didn't want ME climbing!
My father climbed a ladder and got on his roof to spread a tarp over a leak 2 WEEKS after having major back surgery, rather than pay someone to come do "such a simple task."
He can barely walk, yet REFUSES to use a walker or rollater in public. He has congestive heart failure and dumps salt on everything. He says he has stopped adding salt. Now uses lemon pepper. What is the #1 ingredient in lemon pepper? SODIUM! He recently had to spend a few days in the ICU due to his CHF. The reason - he stopped taking his diuretic! Said he was tired of having to get up all night and pee. He almost died. Was hurting in his chest for a week and developed pneumonia, but said he was afraid of covid, so he would not go to the ER. And yet, they REFUSE to stay home with Covid going on. They go out to eat multiple times a week. She goes shopping multiple times a week.
She visits the beauty salon weekly. When I express concerns about the beauty salon she says "Oh, she's CLEAN! She has a clean shop. She doesn't have covid!"
They both drive and neither should. I personally have witnessed my mother take her eyes off the road and BOTH hands off the steering wheel to answer her cell phone when it rings! My dad has poor reflexes and his driving is very jerky and scary!
My mom hoards and their house is an unsafe disaster. She won't let anyone touch anything and gets very combative about it.
What can we possibly do?
We have one that changes and has little snowmen, christmas trees, and snowflakes moving around on our garage doors facing the street. We also have a simple lighted garland and wreath on our front door and a small 3 ft. tree on a table in our LR.