In the UK we are all now required by law to wear face masks when shopping and visiting other indoor businesses. The government has positioned this as the caring thing to do: wearing a mask to protect others in case you are are an asymptomatic carrier of the virus, thus reducing virus transmission. My mother is an avid follower of the News and all things Covid, she knows how this has torn through our country leaving tens of thousands dead or seriously ill, yet she is resisting mask wearing when going out. Earlier this week we went into our local town, with our masks ready for use. When we got to the Bank, she said she couldn’t find her mask despite me checking that she’d got it before we left the house, and then said she was going inside anyway, without it. Of course she was stopped at the door, where the assistant kindly but firmly gave her a mask from a big box they had for this very purpose, and she had to put it on before going any further. When she came out she was furious about having to wear the mask, saying that it messed her hair up, despite the fact that she’d just been given one for free and that there were signs everywhere, outdoors as well as indoors, reminding people about mask wearing. Yesterday we went to the greengrocers and I made her put the mask on before we got out of the car, but then I heard her complaining bitterly to the shop assistant about it. The assistant patiently smiled and said that she’d soon be able to take it off when she’d finished her shopping. My mother took this comment at face value and whipped off the mask before she’d actually left the shop. When I challenged her about it outside she said the assistant had said she could take it off, which was patently untrue. Once again she started complaining about hating having to wear it, it was hot, she didn’t like it, it messed up her hair, like a petulant child. I felt that all of these complaints could have been said by any of us, but we are all just putting up with it for the good of our society and community. I have told her that if she won’t wear it, I won’t take her to the shops again. My mother has always been selfish and is a narcissist, so appealing to her to do the right thing to protect others is wasted on her. I just wondered if anyone else had had this problem, and if so, what they’d done about it?
When he rode with me he would spout this as if we hadn’t heard it a hundred times already. The nerve damage was real. We were sympathetic to that factor. I told him fine, but for safety he would need to ride in the back seat. He would put the seatbelt on.
We always had to go through this but I wouldn’t start the car until it was settled. A little harder for you with the mask.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KQP3YFJOhDg
Been there, done that! Actually, I've never used the "D" word with mom. In her uneducated mind it meant you were "off your rocker", aka crazy. She also attributed her forgetfulness to being old AND being entitled to forget sometimes. Key word there is "sometimes." 10 minutes was often being generous! What she was forgetting was also more than she realized (for instance, she wasn't cooking, just eating frozen dinners and boxed crap, had to put meds in timed/locked dispenser, but still needed someone to stop in a check that she took them, etc.)
While some of the behaviors seen with dementia seems "crazy", it really isn't. It is a brain disorder, which one can say about many other "crazy" disorders. In mom's case, she's far enough into this that there wouldn't be any way to keep a mask on her. They required it for her eye treatment (4x/year), but were understanding about it. Just today I got a reply from her doc office regarding my question about refilling her BP meds - generally they require an exam but between age (97), hearing loss/not wearing the hearing aid, refusal to stand/walk on her own and dementia, this wasn't really an option. The nurse suggested I sit with her for TeleHealth. Really? I am NOT allowed to be with her, she wouldn't be able to hear or understand, and seriously, how would you check her heart, pulse and BP remotely??? She processed the refills for 1 year. (my annual was scheduled in July and they called to suggest TeleHealth - again, really? How do you actually do a physical without me being there? No weight, height, BP, lung/heart listen, etc. I have no conditions to treat and take no Rx, so what's the point, other than you get to charge it full price! They rescheduled me for February next year.)
your mother's behaviour is NOT your responsibility.
Accessing your Zen-like calm place when your loved elder does or says crashingly embarrassing things in public is a crucial skill :)
[thinks: I've never met this person...]
My friends son has CP it is a struggle for him to wear the mask and walk around. He's good for about 10 minutes and then it is too much for him. We try to make the errand short and one of us will go out to the car with him while the other finishes.