Follow
Share

Kicks us out of home when questioned. I do not know what rights we have, being her caregiver. We moved in with her, to do so. If she runs out of meds, she becomes nasty. kicks us out of her home, unless we provide her with more pills. Brother always finds them for her, but the meds make her incapable of caring for herself. I have had to carry her from the toilet back to bed. I've had to remove food from her mouth, because she nods off while eating. Recently we tried to regulate her pills. She became so angry, she called CPS on my husband and I stating we abuse our son. Mom purchase her several years ago, knowing full well, that her garage conversion into a granny flat, was not legally permitted. the flat is where my husband and I reside. Mom has the main house. After being told she couldn't have fifteen oxycodones with her lunch, she becomes irrate, called not only me and my husband, MF's, but called her grandson, and a neighbor kid one as well. Then she called the city permit office and told them that the building is illegal. Here we are, weeks later, the granny flat has to be demolished, because we do not have the 20,000 to bring the place up to code, none of the other siblings want anything to do with her unless they can get money from her. She is nearly out of money now, she has caused her only caregivers to vacate, and her only concern is when will she get her next pill. What can we do? I do not want her to die because of her addiction, nor do I want her to have to be placed into a nursing home. They would surely keep her sedated seeing how nasty she is. What can we do? I would like to salvage what little money she has left, to help care for her. but because her addiction is so huge, she will be broke before we know it.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Is this your home or hers? If it's her home, leave. If it's your home, start eviction proceedings if she won't go willingly.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Thank You all for the suggestions. I personally do not provide her these meds. Her son (not my husband) the favorite son, is her supplier. And yes, I have little doubt that he gets them illegally. I have asked this brother to stay away, yet he calls every 20 to 30 minutes a day, EVERYDAY! Mom claims he does this only because he loves and cares for her so much. However, he refuses to take her to his house, or stay at hers, and care for her. He has NEVER taken care of her. Yet he is an excellent supervisor. He stands by and tells me how wrong I do everything. he comes over at least twice a day, to criticize everything from how the towels are folded, to who trimmed the bushes wrong. Once he says these things to mom, its like a skipping record who would fold towels this way? Can't you fold right? didn't YOUR mom teach you how to fold?? I understand, she doesn't feel good, and this will make you crabby, but this brother seems to cause nothing but problems. If he wasn't supplying her with meds, she'd only have the prescribed amount for the month. Mom once overheard me and my husband talking about trying to get a restraining order against the brother, and mom came unglued!!I HOW DARE YOU! THAT IS MY SON! YOU WILL NOT INVOLVE YOURSELF IN MY BUSINESS! From that day on, I tried to stay out of her business, and just do my best to just make sure this woman was clean, and fed. I am saddened that all 4 of her sons have done nothing to stop her drug use, and even my husband claims that she's been on the meds so long, that it would kill her to stop. The last time I took her to the dr, she told her dr that she wanted him to prescribe more pills. He claims she's already taking the same amount as a cancer patient.I was sickened to hear that, but I didn't speak to the dr about her problems, for fear of what would happen if she was informed that I was again, getting into HER business. Somehow I feel responsible for allowing her drug addiction to continue. I want to help when she doesn't want the help to stop. Anyway, She originally began taking these meds approx., 15 to 20 years ago, for an injury from a car accident. The details are unclear, since I wasn't family yet. Before my time... Anyway, Now she claims that she has fiber myalgia(sp)? I cannot confirm or deny that. I do know that she physically hurts when she has no meds. I imagine that is from withdrawls.. When I take her to the ER, will they be able to keep her, even though she's not wanting to stay? I have been told numerous times that I am not to get involved in her affairs, and to just see that she is fed and clean. Perhaps I am over stepping my boundaries, seeing that I am only the daughter in law, But this is still a human being.and I know if she wasn't addicted to these pills, she'd have several good, if not great years left.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Drop her off at the ER most have attached rehab units she will probably need to be weaned off at this point and under medical care. She can't throw you out if you have been tenant, receiving mail at her address.Hopefully when she returns from rehab she will be more reasonable move into her home while she goes to rehab hopefully she will be clear minded when she returns and you can decide if you want to continue her caretaking, if not time to leave after she goes through proper eviction procedures. Wonder why the money is dwindling? How much are her pills $10 ea on the black market??? $150 a day for "lunch" adds up! $4500 a month I am sure that would help her living expenses and you! If she won't cooperate call the cops they will place her on a 72 hour pysch hold and she will be evaluated by a team of doctors. She may need meds...anti depressents etc....but she is self medicating and needs a doctor to over see her progress back into the world of the living. What are her ailments, If any? Why self medicating so heavily?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I'm completely confused by 2 of your statements:

"If she runs out of meds, she becomes nasty. kicks us out of her home, unless we provide her with more pills. Brother always finds them for her, but the meds make her incapable of caring for herself."

Oxycodone is a controlled substance; unless laws have changed and I'm ill informed, it can't be obtained without a prescription. How is it that you and/or your brother are obtaining and providing these pills? Who's writing the prescriptions? Are you prescription and/or doctor shopping?

I don't understand why you haven't gone after the suppliers. Since you know how much she spends you obviously have some way of seeing her checking account or charge slips.

Oxycodone is a Schedule 2 controlled substance. Abuse of it is DEA jurisdiction. Check the DEA website for information on how to contact them and report illegal drug sales.

Even if she takes the lowest dose, she's still taking more at one time than is the average recommended for a day.

In the meantime, Maggie calls it right. Being a drug addict enabler is not caregiving.

Your MIL needs to be admitted to a drug detox and rehab program immediately.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Nursing homes don't sedate their residents if they have nasty personalities.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Did you take care of Elvis? You've done a horrible job of taking care of this woman. You and your husband are her suppliers, for God's sake.

Poor woman. Get out of her life. If you care a twit about her other than exploiting her, call 911 on your way out.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Fifteen pills with lunch!? You gotta be kidding! What was her original need for the pills? What are her medical issues? She needs drug rehab badly. The next time she incapacitates herself call ems, get her to er then ask the docs to get her in rehab, or just get the h*ll out and come what may.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Get her to ER as suggested. She needs to be in some type of rehab for drug treatment. While this is going on, you should be looking for other living arrangements. Why would you allow your child to live in these conditions?
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I think that this heartbreaking situation is beyond the means of non medical intervention to solve. I think you are going to have to walk away in order for her to get help through APS.

I'm curious, though, about your fear of nursing home placement. You think they would "sedate" her? Isn't she already self-sealing with oxycodone? What pharmaceutical intervention might occur in a nursing home might include antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds to soothe her depression and anxiety. Once no longer addicted to pain meds she might be a more tractable patient altogether.

Have you thought about driving her to your local emergency room and telling them how much oxycodone she's ingesting a day?
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.