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No matter which way I tell her she is convinced she will be moving in with me when she no longer can live independently. I have suggested in home care, senior housing, and assisted living. She has had offers from my other two sisters and my son. She is financially stable so she does have choices. My reasons for her not wanting to live with me is that I like my freedom and the fact that we are total opposites in our personalities and how we live our lives. I just do not feel like taking on any more additional responsibilites. She is 81 with no dementia, but does have COPD with mobility issues. My home would need modifications to me her needs which I am not willing to do. How do I convince this tunnel visioned mother who will not accept no to use her money for her care and forget about leaving an inheritence?

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Be pleasant and polite and firm in repeating the mantra each time the subject comes up: "No, Mom, you will not be living with me."

When the time comes, act No. If she says that the moving van will be delivering her furniture on Monday, call the moving company and explain you will not be accepting any deliveries. You will not let them unload into your house or garage. If she says she has two of the grandkids packing up her things, call them with the same message.

It is your house and you certainly control who lives in it.

Out of curiosity, why is your mother expects/wants to live with you when her other daughters have invited her and she could afford nice accomodations?
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Write it down for her. I would say "Why on earth would you want to come live with me? I am never home. My home won't accommodate your needs and we are total opposites." Please make your own arrangements, independent from me.
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You tell her just like you told us. That should work. See which one of the other options she prefers. I am sure that she would not choose to live there if you would drive each other crazy.
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