I was helping my Mom shower 2 days ago before a gynecologist appt. She wouldn't let me hold the hand-held shower sprayer. After the 3rd time I tried I asked "why won't you let me rinse your hair?" She said "Because you're trying to hurt me!" I have been gentle and patient with my Mom for 2-1/2 years now. She went on to say that she really didn't know who I was anymore because I have done so many horrible things and that I am "very sick". She has advanced Parkinson's, Psychosis of Parkinson's and I suspect Lewy body dementia. I know the Alzheimer's Dos & Don'ts of communication by heart on their flyer about Compassionate Communication. Having a very hard time letting go of the hurt this time and just need to pout and vent for a couple days. I console myself with remembering that parents can be the most awful to the ones who do the most for them. I've heard that they are most hurtful to the ones they love the most. Thank you for all your support and reading this. All will be forgotten very soon. Of course the 4 siblings who are running around the world living their lives are heroes in her mind. My Mom lives in Assisted Living and I am her primary caregiver. Either I, my son, or a private caregiver is with her 24/7 due to a complicated medication regimen (10 times a day with 6 of those very time specific) and the tendency to wander. I know that so many of you have a much harder burden with less support. I reminded my Mom today that I am a volunteer and have never taken a penny from her. I know that trying to explain anything to her is only for my benefit. She attacked me back in December because she thought I was stealing things from her bathroom drawers. Her Neurologist said that accusing caregivers of wrongdoing is a frequent and very difficult symptom with her diagnosis. No one ever put a gun to my head and made me be her caregiver. I got sucked into it after she was hospitalized Jan. 2014 and they sent her home with great care needs. I quickly saw the state of the house and gradually saw that she didn't understand time, calendars, clocks, microwaves, toilets/plumbing, the levels of her house (one story!), and on & on. Always tried to be respectful and not "take over". Thanks again for all the support and wisdom here.
I don't have any words of wisdom that haven't already been said here. I just want to let you know that I think you're doing a great job caring for your mom and she's very fortunate to have you.
My mother says the worst things when she is under some type of stress. If we are about to go somewhere she doesn't want to go, if we have company coming in, or if there are work projects going on, she can come up with some major nastiness. On the flip-side, if we are going to church or something she enjoys, she is so pleasant. Whatever her mood is, I get the brunt of it. This is what makes me think that the bath and the appointment may have triggered her to be so nasty with you.
I'm always sorry that things can't be easier all the time for us.