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My father in law has Parkinsons, is 87, uses a walker and has moved in with us as the assisted living place was not working out because he would wake up each night at midnight wanting his son...so my husband had to keep driving over there at midnight to calm his Dad down until my husband just decided it would be easier for his Dad to live with us. We need help so my best friend who is 60 came over to watch my father in law and he fell instantly in love. He keeps wanting hugs. Then my DAUGHTER and he grabbed her boobs. So, we took my father in law to a psychiatrist who talked to him about inappropriate behaviour. It didn't work. It is just that he is the type of man who has always had somebody to love and his wife passed away and now he wants a girlfriend. But his dementia which is part of his parkinsons cannot ascertain differences of my daughter, my friend and he forgets even if you tell him. We hired a complete stranger who was pregnant and he did the same thing. I am glad he hasn't made any passes at me...I don't know what I would do as he lives with me and my husband. I already feel uncomfortable being alone with him knowing that he is a Don Juan. He is just the type that is in love with love and needs somebody and is lonely. The short time he was in a nursing home, he would go down the hall into a room of a woman who was bedridden and just sit there and hold her hand and tell her how madly in love with her he was. She couldn't get away from him...she died..guess it was her only way to escape him.

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You should be sure to discuss this with your neurologist. There are a number of Parkinson's medications that are fairly well known to result in various compulsive behaviors in the people who take these drugs. Sexual addictions is one of the behaviors, compulsive gambling, compulsive shopping are some of the more common drugs. There are probably substitute medications that could be used without creating these problems. Some of these thing can be devastating to the patient and their family, so definitely talk to a neurologist!!
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I realize the original post is old. but since I found it with a Google search, I figure others will too.

We have found ourselves dealing with a situation similar to the OP. Had a care giver walk out because my Dad was repeatedly grabbing her boobs. She asked him to quit several times, but he persisted.

After some time went by she went back and asked if she could work for him again. She explained how much she was hurt by the groping, Dad promised not to do it again. She thanked him, hugged him, and he grabbed her boobs again. Just seconds after he promised never to do it again.

That tells me there's no rationalizing with him. Gotta find another solution.

A lot of Google searches have brought up very little helpful information. One website suggested same-sex care givers. We have not found any men who are remotely interested in being care givers.

We've warned the other care givers about his behavior so they would be on the defensive. I've suggested they they refuse to hug him.

I honestly don't know what else to do.

We're fortunate that no young girls are involved - Only professional care givers.

I wondered about telling them to slap him if he groped them. Maybe some discomfort would make him stop. But he's old and frail enough that I'm afraid someone might accidentally hurt him in anger.

So if you've gotten far enough to be reading this and are dealing with something similar, I don't know what to say but hang in there. Do your best to keep everyone on the defensive.

And remember it is NOT your fault.
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This happens sometimes with my Dad. I calmly push his hands away, and say no. Men of his generation appreciate and understand no. It is the disease. I don't take it personally. I am just firm and loving. We can't. The trick is to turn him down, and affirm his attractiveness at the same time. I am turning him down because it is wrong, but he is still a chick magnet.
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Dementia or no dementia, they compehend more than you think! Tell him a very firm "NO!" Keep tell him a very firm "NO!" Don't be afraid to tell him in a loud, authoritative voice. My husband said to my daughter a few weeks ago, "Come here so I can kiss you on the lips." She said, "NO dad! I am your daughter, not your wife! You can kiss me on the cheek but never on the lips!" He understood and he has never asked her again. You have to set perimeters, and not be afraid to set them firmly!
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Jimmyray, you ask, "Why should we think he can't control his urges to grope every woman that he thinks will not have him arrested?"

Because, assuming you are correct and he is developing dementia, he can't control his urges. It is amazing how compartmentalized our thinking processes can be. A woman who can play cribbage and keep score accurately (which she has done for 70+ years) may not be able to use the remote control (which she has only known how to do for 10 years). A man who can carry on a coherent conversation may have no inhibitions and say rude things he would not have uttered a few years ago.

Inappropriate sexual behavior is not universal with demntia -- but 15% experience this. It is not faked. It happens. I don't know the percentage of people who repeat and repeat and repeat, but it, too, is not faked. He is not out to destroy your peace. The dementia is achieving that quite well.

You seem to think that he is manipulating you. That if he can play cards, he can't be too bad yet and he should just behave himself. Sorry, dementia doesn't work that way.

The most effective way to deal with questions repeated over and over is to answer them simply, over and over. Showing annoyance or impatience or anger is not going to correct the situation. You may be able to "shut him down" temporarily on this particular question, but you cannot teach him to not repeat questions. He can't help it. Just answer the question and redirect his attention to something else.

I think you will be happier or at least less stressed if you learn the characteristics of dementia in general, and of the specific type of dementia Dad has, if you know that. You can get information from his doctor and from many reputable sites, such as the Mayo Clinic, and the National Institute of Health.

It is a tough journey we embark on with our loved ones who have dementia. Good luck to you.
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My father is 90 years old and is no doubt in the beginning stages/throws of demetia. He asks the same questions over and over and gets stuck on one idea like 'Rainman". If he gets his way, he is more easily maneagable...If not, he can destroy our peace with small "needs" and little "emergencies" and/or doubleing up on the questions and keep asking them until ...you answer him or get annoyed enough to shut him down.
He is aware enough to play cards and watch tv and can hold a conversation very well. Why should we think he can't control his urges to grope every woman that he thinks will not have him arrested?!!
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Lilli, this man has Parkinsons with Dementia (PD). What makes you think he hasn't had a proper evaluation? (PD is similar to LBD)

I've read that about 15% of dementia patients (I think this applies generally, not to a specific kind of dementia) exhibit inappropriate sexual behavior. I am so glad that my husband is in the majority in this regard. That would be very hard to deal with! I like Christina's advice. REDIRECT and Keep Your Distance!
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Pat, If you read about Lewy Body Dementia, you will find that inappropriate behavior such as you describe is one of the characteristics. I told you my Mother is the same. Thought both the weekend caregivers were men, called them "He", wanted them to lie down with her. The first one, whom I had to let go, was very nervous about it, but the last one, was pissed and distant with Mother by Sunday afternoons. As with all dementia behavior: YOU CAN'T ARGUE/REASON WITH THEM, EXPECT IT TO GET BETTER, OR GET UPSET! Save your energy.
That's why I asked you if he had a "girlfriend". Hey, stranger things have happened. My Mother's last husband passed in 2008, and he used to brag that they were "still wearing out the sheets". EWWWW! When my Mother acted that way and my husband was around, he would look at me like , "well, there is another way you are NOT like your Mother." No, dear, I am not a sicko, I am a normal, loving wife. Please don't bother me while I'm a caregiver.
So, Mother has spent her first week in a care home, and my life is getting back to normal. With one on one care, as she had in our home, maybe that is why certain behavior came out. Probably why they say, "there is safety in numbers."
Just remember: REDIRECT and Keep Your Distance:))) Hugs, Christina
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You may want to consider another placement for your fil. If he was in a non-dementia unit of an ALF before they may have not been aware that he was lapsing into dementia.
Have him evaluated properly for alz/dementia. Many ALFs either have units for dementia or are entirely dedicated to treating this disease. His behavior (such as calling out for his son at night) would not be considered unusual and they would know how to deal with it.
Just follow your instincts. If he is making you uncomfortable (which I would be too) and he is acting out, you and your hub need to think about some alternative plans. Good luck...there is never a perfect solution.
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Ed, I think your funny. ROFL. But, maybe you could ask out that less than ideal single older intelligent female. You may find a friend and lifetime mate after all.
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JEANNE:

What came across as a fantasy was actually a critique of the machistic escapades of some prematurely-aged -- and forever drunk -- men in my family; and a tasteless generalization Latino men who also take to the bottle. (Thank my lucky stars I stopped drinking when Dad passed away 15 years ago. Besides, there wasn't a valid reason for it. ... At least not for me.) Instead of answering Inky's question, however, I went off on a tangent that excused her FIL's behavior and made me realize it's been a year since my last psychiatric eval.

He's an 87 y/o and lonely man who gets away with the groping because some people don't see his behavior as sexual and/or feel sorry for him because of his age. After all, how much damage can he do? If I were a woman, I'd probably push his trespassing hands away and, with a fake laugh, say "You wicked boy." Or, like most of my sisters, make a scene and call him a pervert. My husband would defend my honor. Either that or sleep on the couch without a blanket and pillow.

When my boys began to walk and explore the world, I must have said "Don't touch" at least 10 times a day. If I said "No" emphatically and removed their hand, they'd do it again as if to challenge me. My wife -- may she rest in peace -- would say "Eddie they're babies! They don't know what they're doing." So we didn't enforce the boundaries much. But when I started attaching a consequence to the behavior, they began to understand that "No" means just that -- and the Nancy Reagan PSAs on TV made it much easier.

Anyway Jeanne, it's after 3 am. Thanks for the wake up call.

-- Ed
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Ed, I don't think Inky is telling us she thinks her FIL's sexuality is gross or immoral. I think she is reacting to his lack of inhibitions in expressing it. Grabbing one's granddaughter's boobs and groping the hired help is not how to contribute to the smooth functioning of one's household. :) What you are describing as your fantasy retirement life doesn't sound inappropriate to me. Yucky, yes, inappropriate, not necessarily.

I would not have liked to be groped by my grandfather or my father or my father-in-law (or my borther, for that matter -- it isn't a matter of age). But if that had happened I think it would have been less upsetting and easier to brush off if I knew that the man had mental problems that prevented him from recognizing social boundaries. (And also, of course, if he couldn't do much more than leer and grope!)
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Sorry about the typos guys. I was so busy putting myself in Don Juan's shoes and trying to imagine what I'd look and feel like 30 years from now. ... Hot, no doubt.
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Dementia in Parkinsons is very much like what my husband has, Lewy Body Dementia. I guess it is the same pathology and what it is called depends on which symptoms came first and what areas of the brain are involved. I really do find it much easier to deal with knowing what is common to the disease. If you google Parkinsons Dementia Symptoms you will find lots of sites to explore. Find one that matches your interest level, and read. Your FIL doctor's office no doubt could supply you with some literature, too.
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I wish I knew more about dementia in Parkinsons and how it progresses and at what rate. I see my father in law seem to drop a notch every week in subtle ways.
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I don't think many of us have a very clear idea of what dementia entails until we encounter it up close and personal. Who knew it could lower inhibitions, or increase them, or turn people paranoid, or make very articulate people unable to find the right words to communicate, or eliminate short term memory so completely a person can't remember the beginning of her own sentence by the time she gets to the end, or make it difficult to swallow? Our brains control every aspect of our being, so I guess it shouldn't surprise us that when something is wrong in the brain nearly anything can be effected. But it still is a shock when it happens to a loved one, isn't it?
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Before Parkinsons he was always a gentleman and very proper. I did not realize dementia could change a person so much. I wonder if it is also why his appetite suddenly dropped in the last two weeks. He also gets up and gets and Ensure, sits down then ten minutes later does it again and again....6 times after breakfast. I called the doctor and he said to let him have what he wants since he is not eating.
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I'm not sure it is much of a consolation, but inappropriate sexual behavior is not uncommon among people with dementia.
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He's one horny old man isn't he? Maybe you ought to be looking for a college (male) student that needs some cash to start helping with your father-in-law. Is there a senior center around that he can go to? How about getting a dog that would sit on his lap and he can talk to and pet? Maybe he just needs someone or in this case, a pet to show him affection and love. And when he does grab inappropriately, I'd just push his hands away and identify myself to him without making a huge deal of it. If he were in his right mind he'd be mortified by his behavior right?
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