My father (73) has started offending a lot of family members what do I do?

Let the family take care of themselves. If they want to alienate him, then that is their right. Who wants to be around someone who is nasty? You can only control YOU. You cannot control your father. Unless he is a danger to himself or others, if he has a gun permit, then he has a right to have one. I wouldn't want to be around him, but he is not my father and I have no ties to him. I would however protect those young grandchildren and not let them near him unless he controls himself. They do not need to be around such negativity.

You said it Vietnam Vet TEXAS PRISON SYSTEM AND SHERRIF DEPT.
your mother was his subordinate replacement after he stopped working.
Chain of Command. Most of his life majority of his life there has been organized chain of command. Sheriff Dept. TEXAS I presume. Texas doesnt have a Lone Star State Reprutation. And as state I belive Won OWN Independance amount of times Award.
Lot of people immigrated from Moussri to Texas back and forth. Right to bear arms openly in public. Get him a dog to train something that already has basic training obedience and well house trained will play catch. this might work.
Chain of command he is general of his home. And family extends to his home.
Did mom jumped or anticipate his commands and fufill them before hand as a good first Lt.
to base commander.
Texas Sheriff is tough. Dont tell me he was part of border patrol too Thats the old longriders. If that so. pack it in make visits brief cordial with appointed maid to do his bidding. or hire someone for visit to tend to his needs.
Its hard for someone used to organized chain of command to adapt to being without a totem pole when spouse is gone.
Didnt say his rank but maybe giving him the RESPECT for those who served overseas in a unpopular conflict CIA advisorary status action(war) and those who voiced the truth about the war being a war and why in an unpopular time.
Address him with his rank and thank him for his service.
Now you can try to respectively request a conference out of respect for him ,with him.
For what good it will do.
in least amt words explain other family not as well organized as he dont understand chain of command and are misunderstanding his affections.
Ask what how he would like visits organized to provide comfortable pleasent enviroment for family time visitation.
Try to involve in some time organized planning he can be TOP GUN of. This might help. if not theres always skype

OH stop babying him!!! If he alienates people, that is between him and them. My dad learned pretty fast that holidays are lonely when you are rude and nasty to people. Don't get in the middle - all you will get are people mad at you.

ronsdeebaby, Does your father have any signs of dementia? Has he ever been diagnosed with some form of mental illness?

If someone is acting obnoxious, uncivil and unpredictable, I wouldn't go around them, especially if they have a firearm.Plus, you say that he has had strokes. He could have some cognitive decline. Often, people who should no longer own a firearm don't realize that they shouldn't own a firearm. I'd keep myself and the kids away.

You've probably heard "but he's so young" more times than you can count. Here's the sad truth: He is not too young to be exhibiting signs of dementia. There are many forms.

Do not fall prey to the magical thinking of "he always knows what day it is and he knows everyone's name, so it's not dementia." Alzheimer's gets all the buzz, but there are many, many forms of dementia. Vascular, Lewy Body, fronto-temporal -- to name only a few.

The non-Alz dementias manifest via one or any combination of thr following: personality changes, apathy, inapproriate anger, "no filter," impulse control, inability to reason, problems executing and completing "life maintenance" tasks.

It might be time to examine dad's blaming, lashing out and withdrawing in a new light. The condition of his home and car will give you clues, too.

The questions that you & your family would like answered will need to be answered by a geriatric specialist and neurologist. Start plotting now. And don't beat yourself up if dad never gets there.

However, if dad is ever hospitalized or in an ER for any reason, pull aside the attending physician and head nurse -- and lay out all of your observations and concerns. Sometimes that's the only way to get to the next step.

It is not the family alienating your father but rather your father alienating the family. Guns in the hands of mentally ill people is a big problem seen on the evening news every single night. Are you concerned that he will use the gun on himself or go on a shooting rampage? Is the gun properly stored or is he being irresponsible with it?

I'm confused about what Texas and Upstate New York have to do with your dad and the family.

I would be disgusted by a raving bully, but terrified of a raving bully with a gun. That would be the last he ever saw of me and his grandkids. Sounds like a huge accident waiting to happen, the least that could happen is like the loon up the block who shoots up his basement, target practice. Apparently it is perfectly legal. I'm sure in Texas it's just part of a well rounded day.

You say your dad has had a stroke - that can definitely affect someone's mental abilities. Has he always been this way or is he worse now than before? Is he on any medications that might be causing his behavior? He's pretty young to be experiencing these kinds of things without something causing it, unless he's always been this way.

I'm from upstate NY (near Saratoga) and it's quite nice here and so is Texas...in fact I was born there! I'm still interested in knowing if your Dad has any form of dementia. Because if he does, I don't think that it's a good idea for him to have a gun. As for chain of command....my Dad is also a vet and he was in the army for 21 years retiring as a Sgt.Major, so yes I've grown up with this, but your dad seems to be abusing this and he shouldn't. BUT if this is new behavior for him, or if has gotten markedly worse, I think he should get a good neurological consult with a doctor who knows about dementia (not many really have a good grasp on it unless they are a specialist. The rest of your family and you should not be abused physically or verbally and if you find out that he does have a dementia at least you have a reason for this behavior and you can deal with it, with more understanding. I hope this helps....Blessings, Lindaz.