What can I do if my elderly father is addicted to sex? - AgingCare.com

What can I do if my elderly father is addicted to sex?

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He spends hundreds of dollars at an oriental massage parlor and moved 3 women in his house. What can we do?

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Does no one realize the "Oriental Massage Parlors" which perform sex services are often staffed by victims of human trafficking and sex slavery? I don't care about sex lives, I do care about women who were brought to this country under false pretenses to sexually serve gross old men and who have no choice in the matter. Please read about this severe worldwide problem at redthreadmovement dot org and other anti- sex trafficking sites.
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Lacy, you might try and see if he can get insurance to pay for the massage visits as sort of a PT.
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Get written medical info access permission. Having sex at a massage parlor is illegal. Have him arrested and don't bail him out. While he's in jail, throw those women out of his house and locate and discard his sex drugs. Tell his doctors the situation. Have them recommend therapy and take him to it.
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This is the same problem the elderly have in nursing homes. I guess the women do it more discretely if they still want to but for the men they are more open about it or less inhibited. The standard advice is to discretely close the door and come back later and knock loudly and wait to be invited in. In this case is Dad watching something erotic on the computer. Give him one in his room and request he keeps these activities behind closed doors. not a reason to kick the poor old guy out unless he has done other things.
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Lambchp2, does Dad need a computer in his room? Also, was he full-out masturbating, or just casually touching himself absentmindedly?

It is kind of gross, for sure, and I'm not sure what I would do. I might just say, "Dad, cut that out. Do you want little Susie to get a look at you?" Or as my daughter says every time husband and I stage a giant smooch in the kitchen, "Get a room!"

It is gross, but exactly why does your husband want to kick him out? Is he afraid Dad will touch the kids? I wouldn't be. Most kids have seen another kid do the fondling, at least, and kids don't need to see it to figure out how to do it, and that it feels good.
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I can't put it better than Roger McGough...

Let Me Die A Youngman's Death

Let me die a youngman's death
not a clean and inbetween
the sheets holywater death
not a famous-last-words
peaceful out of breath death

When I'm 73
and in constant good tumour
may I be mown down at dawn
by a bright red sports car
on my way home
from an allnight party

Or when I'm 91
with silver hair
and sitting in a barber's chair
may rival gangsters
with hamfisted tommyguns burst in
and give me a short back and insides

Or when I'm 104
and banned from the Cavern
may my mistress
catching me in bed with her daughter
and fearing for her son
cut me up into little pieces
and throw away every piece but one

Let me die a youngman's death
not a free from sin tiptoe in
candle wax and waning death
not a curtains drawn by angels borne
'what a nice way to go' death

Roger McGough
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My father has recently begun again to masturbate in front of his computer which is in our TV room. He has lost much of his sight and hearing (87 yrs) but is reasonably sharp. My husband caught him today as well as about a year ago. Dad gave my husband his word he would not do this again...TV room. He has his own bedroom, duh. Again, there is no dementia. Now my husband is demanding he leave. We do have children. He has some $$, enough for a few yrs assisted living but had made me promise no nursing home. Need some advice.
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I agree w/ all the comments that suggest you be concerned about your Dad's safety. I speak from experience. My ex-husband (not all that elderly yet, and supposedly in his right mind, but an alcoholic) began acquiring "lady friends" from Craig's list. These girls were 20 or more years younger than him, and came bearing gifts....huge quantities of Vodka, and their bodies. Once they had him sufficiently stupid w/ booze, they robbed him blind. One, in particular, somehow convinced him she LOVED him, and he almost MARRIED her!! She took his bank cards, had him buy her cars, (which she wrecked repeatedly), furniture, pay rent for a nice condo, etc etc. All of this he did for intimacy, and sex, and the promise of undying love. It was very very sad to see happen, and many friends and family members tried to bring him to his senses, to no avail. In the end, he was badly beaten, and robbed by his "lover's" boyfriend. They took him for everything he had. This is a sad, but true story. Maybe you could show this to your Dad. There are horrible vultures out there, who will do just about anything....and more....for a buck. And sadly, there are lonely needy victims who are prey for those vultures. Good luck in helping your Dad be a bit more careful in who he allows in his home and in his life!!
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There is nothing you can do. I just went through this-only Dad married one gold digger-ironically she is a young massuse (4th marriage for both) and never had other girls in the house. Dad can't speak to me anymore, because of her and I have had to accept this for my own sanities sake. I got all kind's of suggestions from this site. It came down to go on with my life because he does not want to see the light, she has broken no laws, he is not senile (although an alcoholic) and will NOT change. He wants to go out with a "Bang". When + if he is broke and devastated I don't know if I can still support him after all my warnings and all the yrs. I took care of him for free. It's not about $$, it is about principle.
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Paula,
what in the world are you talking about?
are you new to caregiving?
it sounds like you are very angry.

BTW, this is a bogus thread started by an 'idiot' that just wanted to get a rise out of concerned caregivers.
don't waste your precious energy on it.

lovbob
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