When my mother died 4 years ago initially I was helping my father around the house with cleaning , ironing etc . He literally has never touched an iron in his life , he's in his 70s, fairly fit and active and can care for himself pretty well . You see my mother did absolutely everything for him. Now that she's gone I'm getting the impression that he is seeing me as some sort of replacement for all the chores that she used to do for him. I didn't mind at first as I was working only part time but now I'm in full time work I'm so exhausted, and the two days I do have off I'm having to catch up with all my own chores etc . Is it my responsibility to be doing all his chores? I have older brothers who I've discussed this with many times but they just seem to think it's funny. It's really starting to get me down as honestly I work so hard all week and now have this burden over me. I'm actually avoiding him pretty much now.
Women do their husbands no favor waiting hand and foot on them. Or, raising their sons this way either. My Mom did the same thing. I didn't.
People are funny animals, they will let you work yourself to death if you want to. It is up to you to tell him that you were willing while he was grieving and needed time to adjust, now it's just taking advantage and you can't continue, he, for his own wellbeing, needs to step up and start taking care of his life again.
Also his DPOA?
And while you are at it, he also needs to put your name on his bank accounts and will you his home.
That should open the door for more conversation and less laughter from the brothers.
What troubles me more than anything else is that your answer to that question seems to include some scintilla of yes.
What your mother chose to do was her business. I have met many a person who would much rather nobody else interfered in household routines because they get in the way, break stuff and don't do things properly. I myself once heard the words "who's been doing unauthorised laundry???" come out of my own mouth when my daughters were back from college and my then partner was staying with me.
But you are not your mother, you are not your father's housekeeper, and you are not a maid of all work.
So if you *still* have some little inner voice telling you that poppa needs his shirts ironed... sigh. Tell it to shut up. And then call round a few agencies to get him domestic help, for which HE pays and not you.
Although if he won't pay, you can tell your brothers it's their turn. See if they're still laughing then.
I understand OP might think it is her responsibility BUT like my Dad there are people out there who think that SOMEONE needs to do x,y, and z and look after them.
Great idea, but have dad do the hiring or the Laughing Brothers. KCALMAR33 has already done her fair share.
I've always believed that one of the hallmarks of being an adult is that you know how to and have at least once said to your parent "no, I can't possibly do that".
I guess it helps if you've seen your parent say that to THEIR parent.
My my aunt once gave my father’s apt a good cleaning. I was fuming as I knew he would expect ‘ someone ‘ to continue doing that in the future. My aunt is old school. Never had to work outside the home to support herself. She would tell me my father’s apt needed cleaning. I would ask why she is telling me and not him. It never occurred to her that he should clean his own place. I guess that is what daughters are for.
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