Elderly dad keeps throwing away food, car keys, shoes and then mocking me about it then getting angry at me about wasting food?

In a response to Alvadeer below when asked why you "must stay there" you said it's what your "life coach" told you. This person is a charlatan. NEVER talk to this quack again. Here is the response of someone who wants to save herself so that she can be truly helpful to her Dad: The next time he starts screaming at you, you call 911 and tell them he's completely unhinged and you don't know why. Don't tell them you think he has a TBI because this isn't considered a medical emergency and they might not come. The goal is to get him admitted to the hospital to check to see why he's acting in such a bizarre way, FYI he might have had a stroke, he could have an untreated UTI, if he's alcoholic he could have Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome (a vitamin deficiency), or other medical causes. Once you are at the ER with him you tell the discharge planner that he's an "unsafe discharge" and verbally abuses you endlessly and your mental health is hanging on by a thread. Do NOT let them talk you into taking him back home no matter what. If he tries to call someone to come get him, you need to tell them to butt out. Then you talk to the doctor on call about doing a social admit for him into the psych wing where he'll stay until they can get him to comply with meds to help his extreme agitation and paranoia. My 68-yr old cousin with advancing ALZ had to stay in the psych ward for a month before she complied with meds so that her family could care for her properly. You also need to have a plan if he is able to "showtime" to the docs and weasel his way back home. This is why you take video of his behavior *every time it happens*. You don't even need to be discrete about it . Him just knowing you have evidence of his abuse may be enough to get him to keep himself under control. But if his behavior isn't caused my a medical condition that is treatable, please keep in mind that as he ages his cognitive condition and behavior will just get worse. If you stay with him YOU will get worse as well. You deserve to have a healthy, joyful life. You staying with him won't prevent him from getting worse. You need to move out (if it's his house). Find a way. Section 8 housing (government subsidized housing), or couch surf at a friend's house, a womens shelter, anything. He needs to know you're the one in control, not him. If you are dependent on him in any way you need to end it no matter what. You being there just delays the best solution for him: a facility where they will get him to take meds for his rage, food, shelter, protection and socialization. You are NOT his solution, no matter what you think or what anyone else tells you. Just read the copious posts on this forum from seasoned, experienced family caregivers who have been there and done that. We are the ones responding to you, waving red flags as you keep driving towards the washed out bridge. You need to own up to being a Rescuer (not a compliment) or having a dysfunctional co-dependent relationship with him. You aren't responsible for your Dad's happiness. You need to put on your own oxygen mask first if you really want to be helpful to him in the long-run. You need to learn about boundaries and how important it is to defend them -- and not just with your Dad but with other people you encounter in life, like at your workplace. You aren't a punching bag unless you allow it. But having a "better attitude" about it is the worst possible advice or opinion. Staying there IS destroying you but you do NOT have to stay, for any reason, no matter what anyone tells you. May you receive clarity, courage, strength, wisdom and peace in your heart that you are totally capable of turning your life around so that you can live it to the fullest.

No one deserves abuse, no matter the circumstances. Please act to protect yourself. If dad requires caregiving it needs to be done by someone else, and it’s not your responsibility to arrange it. Move away and heal. I wish you peace

No, you don't need to stay. If you feel stuck, unstick yourself. You have one life and why are you wasting a single more day or hour of it on an ungrateful man who abuses you? No one is going to rescue you. The only person who can change things is you. But you can change things! Please do it! You deserve so much better than this. If you feel like your dad is unsafe, call APS and tell them he is a vulnerable senior living alone, and let them deal with him. He enjoys torturing you. Don't give him the satisfaction. Walk away now. Stay with a friend, or go to a women's shelter. They have people who will help you get away from your abuser. You don't owe him anything.

A life coach? Sounds more like a life dope. What pinhead will tell you to stay with an abuser?

Please be careful of people who elect to call themselves life coaches.

Find a reputable therapist who is licensed in your area. A good therapist will give you the tools needed to move out of a difficult situation and not to stay in one and be tortured.

You have the good sense to fire this inept "life coach" yet still feel obliged to take her advice to stay living with dad? Why? That makes no sense. Please hire a real psychologist to help you sort your life out. There are always options in life. You're not stuck unless you want to be.

Good luck to you.

I’m assuming you live in his house. Are you working and earning your own money? Leave his sadistic abuse. Find a way away. Get more hours and save every penny for your own place. His toxic house is not a home. Meanwhile, can you stay with a friend as you secure a place? Check ads looking for room mates as you save for your own apartment. Independence is liberation.

Justsam,
I asked you below why you are staying in this situation.
Somehow I knew not to waste a lot of my time without knowing the answer to that.
You replied you are staying
A) Because you "Life Coach" says you must
and
B) Because you feel stuck.
I can't help you much, I am afraid, other than to let you know that your life coach is, in my own humble opinion, a SQUIRREL.

This isn’t sustainable.
You are not obese.
Neither of you are happy.
This isn’t working out.
Life coaches are usually some dude who decided they should be a life coach.

Nothing will change if you won’t change it.

If you don’t want to change anything then we can’t help you other than to listen.

One of you has to be the adult here and that is you. Your father shouldn’t be calling the shots.

Does he have dementia?

Might I have an answer, please, from you, JustSam25: Please give further info and clarification (using your own thoughts, not those of the Life Coach) on your last sentence: "Even if it is destroying me, I must stay there". I am asking only that you explain the reasons WHY you must stay there. Please don't quote what either Dad or Life Coach said. Just your own words, in simple sentences, explaining this last sentence you wrote. Thank you very much.

Sam, I read your replies below.

Stop thinking about your weight -- it's fine and healthy. But your dad knows you're sensitive about it which is why he keeps focusing on it, because he knows it upsets you. The issue isn't your weight, it's your father's cruelty. Just leave.

Also stop thinking about the life coach, and whether she gets sued or not. Obviously she is not competent, so just forget everything she said and focus on getting away from your father and starting fresh in a life that fulfills you rather than frustrating you.