We understand that living on a fixed income isn't easy in this economy. I have 2 elderly Aunts that I am helping right now that live in another state. I drive there once a month and have been for 2 years helping to manage home, finances, trips to the store, etc. One Aunt is able to live well within her budget but the other one continues to make very bad choices. We've given her cash for food but she will spend the majority of it on cat food. She refuses to give up the cats that she won't clean up after and purchases expensive canned cat food for. We have started sending her Hello Fresh meals to make sure SHE has food to eat. I have set down with her and set up a financial ledger so she can see where her money is going but she won't keep up with that and continues to write bad checks. We purchased a car for her recently after she wrecked her other. The financial impact is an issue and becoming more so between my husband and I. My Aunt realizes this but I am her only relative left. She is on all the free and assisted programs but doesn't always take advantage of them in a timely manner so she has food. I'm exhausted and truly don't know what to do.
Her bad decisions should only affect HER. Not you.
Really most everyone lives on a fixed income. I can’t go to my employer and say “I’m going to need an extra $500 this week because my fridge went out.”
You need to get her evaluated. A good physical with labs. Maybe a Neurological work up. If found there is some mental decline, then you maybe able to become her payee for her SS. (SS does not recognise DPOA)
Your are a generous person but if my 78 yr old Aunt, who cannot budget, wrecked her car, I would not be buying her a new one. By buying her a car does that mean you paid the registration and insurance? She would be using the Senior bus if it was me.
You are enabling/disabling this Aunt. She knows when she doesn't do what she should, you'll come thru. I will be 73 and I can't imagine in 5 years I will not be able to do for myself. Call her County Office of Aging and see if there is somebody who could make sure she is taking advantage of resources available. Checking in on her. Someone she can contact when she is out of food or needs something. My nephew has a coordinator for this. Can you afford to support this woman for the next 10 to 20 years?
Nice that you bought her a car, but SHE can't afford it. Every year there is registration and insurance. Upkeep alone is expensive. She HAS to live within her means. If she owns a house, maybe time to sell and get a nice apartment. Using the proceeds of the house to offset her living expenses. Never give her cash. How many cats does she have? In my township you are only allowed 5 animals a household. If she has more than the township allows, good reason to get rid of some.
My mantra "I am here to help people find a way, not be the way"
If JGlass is the DPOA agent and the aunt is still competent to handle her financial affairs, JGlass has to abide by her aunt's decisions, as foolish as they may be. An elder law attorney can help to decide if her aunt is incompetent. But there are shades and degrees of competency and an elder law attorney should know what the standards are. You are right when you say her aunt also should have a physical exam, by her regular physician or a gerontologist. Saving money by using community resources is an excellent idea and worth bringing up to her aunt but I'd bet you money she won't go for it.
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are you on all their bank accounts and any other finances as a signature? And are all accounts POD or TOD to you?
Whats the living situation on the more competent and cognitive Aunt? Does she too have a home? or do the sisters live together? Is there any mortgage, HELOC or other encumbrances on Aunts home(s) …. Like do you know for sure by looking at documents filed at the courthouse that there’s nothing amiss on their ownership?
I’m confused….. Are you spending your own $ for Hello Fresh and other delivery services or is this coming from the Aunts bank account but the ordering is being done by you?
Are you close to the tipping point on hubs being civil on all this? And what would be his likely action IF no change in all this?
Who do you suppose will give YOU money when (the time will come more quickly than you can begin to imagine) you reach old age and need the savings you are now giving your Aunt?
It is up to your Aunt how she spends her money. The consequences will be hers (and the Federal/State government). I am more worried about YOU than about HER and I wish you both the very best.
“I am caring for Carolyn, who is 78 years old, living at home with age-related decline, depression, and diabetes.”
and
“I live in a distant state and have been traveling once a month to care for my 2 elderly aunts. One Aunt in particular needs a great deal of help but won't accept much unless it is cash. She is constantly in need of money but not eager to change her spending behaviors. Her home could be livable if she would clean it and she is capable of doing this. Over the years I've cleaned the home and continually given her money as have others. Now all the others in her life have died and I am the only one left. It is becoming an issue for my own wellbeing. I'm at my wits end and up again in the middle of the night trying to figure out how best to help her help herself as I prepare for another visit.”