If he is not in danger, you may not be able to do anything. If you feel he is in danger, you can call your local social services and see what they can do. They may even have to get the police to let them in - people generally do what the police say. But you don't want to "go there" if you don't have to. A welfare check by authoritative social services people may do the trick.
Unfortunately, you are not alone in this. It's a far too common issue. If the person is not mentally impaired, there is often nothing that can legally be done.
Please keep in touch so we know how you are doing. Carol
My father-in-law lives with us, so that sounds like our situation is different than yours. However, the bath issue is similar. He had been here for 4 months without bathing - I was finally able to get him to take a shower by telling him I wouldn't take him anywhere with me in the car until he did, although I would go to the bank or post office for him, of course. Finally yesterday he wanted to go to the senior center badly enough that he agreed to take a bath. He's 90, has a significant degree of dementia but is generally cooperative with other issues but he was afraid of getting hurt in the bath, he says. Prior to coming to our home, he would not allow anyone to come in his house to make repairs, even though he and my mother-in-law were, for instance, carrying the dish water from the kitchen to dump it in the toilet when the kitchen sink was plugged up. With the encouragement of their sons, my mother-in-law finally called a plumber, got it fixed, even over the very loud objections of my father-in-law. But every situation is different and what you are dealing with is very frustrating indeed.
Maybe if someone other than yourself would tell him that he doesn't smell very nice it would have more of an impact. It sounds as though he's oppositional with you.
Well, he says he trusts me. But my husband and 2 of his other sons had told him he needed to bathe as well. I was absolutely overjoyed when he agreed to the shower yesterday - that's for sure.
a breakthrough! mum managed to get dad to the doctors today because a blood test had flagged up. He had already warned that if mum said anything about his other probs he would walk out. once he was there however mum managed to coax him round and he has opened up a little. blood pressure is sky high although he is on tabs and he has depression. doctor was very sympathetic as mum said she was nervous of him. one step at a time. they are going back next week as doctor will not let it go now and mum must tell him of his temper which can arise out of the blue. next step getting the shower put in. mum feels guilty when he has really good days and seems to be in denial most of the time. dad can go weeks and seem totally fine and then last week lost his temper when she gave him the "wrong toast". now he is under the doctor will he talk to us without my dads permission.? i would feel better if mum could discuss his temper and memory loss without dad being there because he will deny all knowledge.
What is it with the home repair/bath problem? My Mother is just the same, but adds refusal to wash clothing. Home repair (plugged sink, 1 not working toilet, no oven, and that's only a beginning.) She is also sure she is going to be cheated (claims EVERY repair person did cheat her in some way in the past) although I would be here to supervise....Doesn't want "people" in the house. Is it control or the dementia?
i think maybe it could be a bit of both although im no expert. my dad has always been " the one in charge even when we were small" and i think that when his memory is ok he is his usual "do as i say mode" and when he seems lost its the fear of the unknown and the not being in control that freaks him out. my dad simply will not have any council people in to put in a new shower and they for obvious reasons will not enter the premises without his or mums permission and mum wont go over dads head. it seems like a constant merry go round. i like yourself could be in their home to supervise but he will not have any of it. at the moment he is managing to wash himself although how long that will last remains to be seen and as long as mum does not have to do it i am happy to watch from the sidelines for now but its very frustrating.
When my Dad had Rectal cancer and had it removed, he went back home to his home after surgery. His wife at that time had the beginnings of Alzheimer's disease and she would get so upset with him for not making it to the toilet on time. The doctor set up home health appointments to check his health and was going to send out a house keeper. They let the home health come out two times but then ran them off. My dad threatened to bring out his gun to get them off his property. He said he didn't want any help and they could do things themselves. In the meantime he was bed ridden but every day he would get up to strengthen himself, but his wife was mean to him. I bought my dad a cheap free standing lamp so he could read his newspaper clearer. She went on and on that he didn't need a lamp and I should take the lamp back. ..of course I didn't take it back.
Dad loves to read the daily news paper so he had me pick up a new paper for him. As soon as my step mom took the paper she would snatch the paper out of my hands and said she was going to read the paper first. I then would go into his bedroom and explain to him that Kathleen has the news paper. After that I bought two news paper, one for him and one for her. I was getting so upset with her and wanted to tell her to quit being abusive but Dad said don't say a word, and I was afraid she would ban me from the house. I was so stressed out and out of my mind. Every day I went to their home..20miles away out in the country..and be with him. He finally recovered. He spends 90 % if his time at his shop. At the time of his cancer surgery he was about 80 years old and she was 82. Now he is 86 years old and she is 88. Her alzhiemers is so bad but he refuses to do anything like putting her in a home. Last year Adult protective services came out to do an assessment. Dad they said was okay, but my step mom did not pass their test. Now a year later, my stepmom cannot remember anything, and my Dad has the beginning of dementia but he is still capable of making decisions. I have so much turmoil I can't stand it. I am thinking about calling out Adult Protective services but Dad said if he knows who called protective services on them, he would ban them from his life..and believe me he would. I just do not know what to do.
I am so worried about them. They have no food in the house but cookies and I have even made casseroles for them and they just sit in the refrigerator. I am so beside myself. Her teeth are rotted from drinking the well water for years.
Dad has cancer now in his bladder and he canceled his doctors appointment and he said all they want is his money and he doesn't believe he has cancer.
I don't want to go against Dad's wishes but I feel like they can't take care of themselves. I know if anyone tried to make him move into a residential place he would probably kill him and his wife. He said they would have to carry his body out. His brother and sister killed themselves at separate times years ago.
I just do not know what to do about this situation.
My father is aged 82 and is in a nursing home (high care) as he is confined to a wheelchair. My Mum passed away 10 years ago and my husband and I visited him twice weekly until we moved away 2 years ago to be closer to our children and grandchildren. We are now 4 hours away and only get down to see him about once every 3 months. I have 2 brothers who visit him weekly. In the last 12 months Dad has become really depressed and out of the blue has now decided that my Mum was "playing up on him". My daughter visited him recently and he told her that I moved away because I knew all of Mums secrets and didn't want to tell him. He also intimated that my daughter must have known as well! We all know that there is absolutely no truth in this accusation as my Mum was the best wife ever and it is hurting us that he could even consider that she would do this. I have spoken to the staff and they say he has Obsession related dementia. I'm keen to find out how we should react to his accusations and what treatment we should be seeking for him?
My dad will not let caregivers in either. I have tried everything I know to do and he still refuses. We hired a lady to come by and check on him daily and run errands and he refused to answer the door. He even put deadbolts on the doors so I couldn't use my key to let her in.
Unfortunately, you are not alone in this. It's a far too common issue. If the person is not mentally impaired, there is often nothing that can legally be done.
Please keep in touch so we know how you are doing.
Carol
Dad loves to read the daily news paper so he had me pick up a new paper for him. As soon as my step mom took the paper she would snatch the paper out of my hands and said she was going to read the paper first. I then would go into his bedroom and explain to him that Kathleen has the news paper. After that I bought two news paper, one for him and one for her. I was getting so upset with her and wanted to tell her to quit being abusive but Dad said don't say a word, and I was afraid she would ban me from the house. I was so stressed out and out of my mind. Every day I went to their home..20miles away out in the country..and be with him. He finally recovered. He spends 90 % if his time at his shop. At the time of his cancer surgery he was about 80 years old and she was 82. Now he is 86 years old and she is 88. Her alzhiemers is so bad but he refuses to do anything like putting her in a home. Last year Adult protective services came out to do an assessment. Dad they said was okay, but my step mom did not pass their test. Now a year later, my stepmom cannot remember anything, and my Dad has the beginning of dementia but he is still capable of making decisions. I have so much turmoil I can't stand it. I am thinking about calling out Adult Protective services but Dad said if he knows who called protective services on them, he would ban them from his life..and believe me he would. I just do not know what to do.
I am so worried about them. They have no food in the house but cookies and I have even made casseroles for them and they just sit in the refrigerator. I am so beside myself. Her teeth are rotted from drinking the well water for years.
Dad has cancer now in his bladder and he canceled his doctors appointment and he said all they want is his money and he doesn't believe he has cancer.
I don't want to go against Dad's wishes but I feel like they can't take care of themselves. I know if anyone tried to make him move into a residential place he would probably kill him and his wife. He said they would have to carry his body out. His brother and sister killed themselves at separate times years ago.
I just do not know what to do about this situation.