I moved my Mom across the country to live near me and my husband over 3 years ago. There was no one at home that wanted to help her out. Now, she says that she wants to find an ALF in her home state and move there soon. (Several family members have passed away recently and I think this is her way of dealing with it.) She does not want to involve my sib who hasn't been to visit her since she moved here. My fear is that she is idealizing going "back home" and thinks that caregivers will somehow magically appear. Part of the problem is that we have done everything for her here and she does not realize how much is involved in keeping someone safe and healthy.
If I knew that my sib would step up or that she would really be okay I could just let her go. What should I do?

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Look for Residential care Homes in her state. They are homelike environment and the care is more closer the ALF. In there she will still be alone unless your sib will lvisit. If she is very social she might be OK but, if gets to the point where she needs more care or supervision the AL will ask you to move her in NH. In these both places is 1 caregiver for 15-17 Residents.
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I would love for her to return to her hometown. I know that she misses it. But she seems to forget why I had her move out here in the first place. She lived in a small town that was really isolated and had no one to help take care of her including my sibling. So it is nearly impossible for her to go back there. I suggested moving to a bigger town in the same state...closer to were my sib lives.
She really thinks that she can do it on her own and that the "facility" will take care of all of her needs for her. No matter what I say, she chooses to live in this fantasy world.
My other worry is that she seems to be on a physical decline for the last 6 months. I feel that if she really intends on going back, it better be sooner than later.
There is just no place that seems appropriate for her....I will just pray for the best solution. I just can't send her back to a place where I know there will be no one looking in on her.
thanks for your input,
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Beyond chaining her to the bed I don't know what you can do to stop mom from leaving. Why not the two of you going together to the state where she wants to live and spend some time checking out the asst living places? Let her talk to the people that will be taking care of her, let her get a taste of exactly what she's going to need by way of care. You're right, she is idealizing the whole move, give her a reality check if you can.
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