yes Asked January 2012

Is all older people as tight as my mother?

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I just moved in with my mother to care for her.Everytime I go out of a room she is bitching because I dont turn out the light,Its just not this she will wash out the coffee filters and reuse them.She wants me to turn off my computer at night I told her its in sleep mode but she saids how in the hell can a computer sleep.She is driving me crazy with all this saving shit.I even get bitch out for taking a 15 min shower Please someone help me.

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yes Jan 2012
thank you for your concern
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jeannegibbs Jan 2012
Yes, perhaps you should have known better. But you know now. The chances of your mother changing her personality at this point are very slim. You may be able to get certain behaviors to change -- for example, not commenting on how long you shower -- but if you live with her, you are going to have to learn to live with her severe preoccupation with pinching every penny. If living with and caring for your mother brings you joy in other ways, you may be willing to put up with this obsession. (I don't think I would, but it is an individual decision.)

You may be looking at Mother needing care for another 20 years. How does that prospect strike you?

If living in Mother's house is just not going to work out, it is best for both of you if that decision can be made sooner rather than later. It sounds like if Mother really needs 24/7 care she can afford it. That she doesn't want to spend her money in that way is not your problem.

I hope you didn't blow the proceeds from the sale of your condo on a flashy car and an exotic vacation, because it sounds to me like you may need it for a downpayment on another place of your own.
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yes Jan 2012
Well the mr1fool should explain it all I had a condo and sold and moved in with her to help her,She is 78 on all kinds of pain med.I should had knew better I have 2 sisters who will not even talk to her.
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jeannegibbs Jan 2012
mr1fool, if you fill out your profile, we'll all have a better idea of what your situation is, why you are in your mother's house, what her impairments, are, etc. and could maybe give you more specific comments.
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NancyH Jan 2012
Why did you move in with her? I don't see a way around this unless you no longer are depending on her for support or whatever. Maybe she's not in touch with the reality of how much money she DOES have, and instead is back in 'The Depression' era in her mind. But then if she's been like this all her life, then getting old sure the heck isn't going to help this thinking, I'm afraid.
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yes Jan 2012
Its me again with the tight mother,no she isnt on fix income infact she has over a million dollars in the bank.Her home is paid for and she has SS plus my fathers pension.On top of that she has the intrest on her money from bank.I have just told you a few of the things she does.I have to go 7 miles out of my way to buy bread thats out of date because it only cost 3 for a dollar.Everytime I go to the store I have to get all off brand things.If I come back with something thats not on sell or a brand name I get cussed out and she will stop speaking for a week which I love that.My life is a living hell now and I even have chest pains since I moved in with her.Can I moved in with one of you readers of this!!
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jeannegibbs Jan 2012
No, not all old people are tight with their money, and not all frugal people are old. But you are certainly not alone.

Your mother apparently has some health issues and needs care. You moved into her house. She probably feels her house, her rules. And she probably wants to hang on to as much independence as she can.

But if you plan to live with her long-term, I guess you want to resolve early isses that are driving you crazy already. Think this through and then have a heart to heart discussion with her (assuming she can carry on lucid conversations). Some battles are worth fighting, others are not. Decide before talking to what you are willing to go along with. Maybe you could develop the habit of shutting off lights behind you. Maybe it is no skin off your nose if she reuses coffee filters. But you are not willing to have your computer use or shower time dictated. I don't think you should expect to change your mother's frugality, but you want to limit how much it impinges on you. I think you also want to establish that you are no longer a child that she sets rules for but that you are adults living in mutual respect. You can use this conflict as an opportunity to establish a good foundation for your changed relationship.

Good luck to you!
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palmtrees1 Jan 2012
I feel your pain. My Mom is the same way. When I come to visit, her house is so closed up and smelly, I will crack a window at night to keep from dying from the heat. She just flips out about it. I mean a tiny little crack and it is not cold even. She won't eat out with us when we visit because the restraunts are too expensive, (we always pick up the tap at her favorite buffet) she only buys books at the Dollar Tree, and please do not suggest she get a computer, unless you pay for the internet and the computer. She has a cell phone because my brother pays for it. She bitched for 3 years about the cost of my Dad's funeral. My brother told me, it cost her nothing. She won't paint her house and it really needs it. I could go on and on. And, no, she is not poor. Has close to a million bucks in the bank. Savings for that "rainy day'. Oh my God, it is just crazy. But no you are not alone.......
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ladee1 Jan 2012
You didn't give her age, or what her condition is... maybe if you gave us a little more info, we can help you....is she on a fixed income? Does she have health or mental issues...help us to help you...
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